


A Government Tutor?

by Birdy1999



Category: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield - Fandom, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Victorian, Angst and Humor, Based on a film, Children, Falling In Love, Fluff and Humor, Idiots in Love, Lots of romance, M/M, Mischief, No beat we die like men, Romance, Sadness but it's okay in the end, Weddings, gandalf ships them, nanny - Freeform, the children ship them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2020-05-16 14:16:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 45,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19319866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Birdy1999/pseuds/Birdy1999
Summary: Thorin Durin, proud if weary uncle to Kili and Fili, hopelessly in love with his secretary, is forced to hire a mysterious professor following their success in driving away every nanny in England. But the tutor is not what they expect, with the help of their friends Kili and Fili try their hardness to drive him away but the nanny has a trick up his sleeve.Disaster befalls the family when the children's grandfather and benefactor, Lord Thrór Mountain, threatens to separate the boys following their reckless behaviour and Thorin's own ability to be able to find a spouse. The family pulls together under Gandalf's guidance to make it through.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to this little story that I've cooked up, based on the charming film 'Nanny McPhee' with our favourite bunch of boys as our main characters. There will be romance, mischief, heartbreak and hopefully a happy ending! I will be doing a touch of plot changing a smudge of history bending to allow for some plot lines. Onwards!
> 
> (Characters to be added as we go along!)

 "Sadly, we must begin our story with an empty chair.  
If the chair were not empty, then we would not have a story.  
But it is. And we do. And it is time to tell it."

"This was the story of my family, of my two children, though there could have  
been seven of them with all the tricks they managed to get up to  
in a day. They were both very clever but very, very, very, very naughty."


	2. Hungry?

{}

 

Nestled in the English countryside there was a charming country house, ordinary as any other. Greenfields and woodland hugged the brick walls. The birds tweeted in the trees and the sun had was beginning it's gradually climbing into a blue sky. This house had stain glass, a red door and stone steps. Everything one would have expected from a respectable home.

 

It was a shame that such a picturesque setting would become the source of so much mischief.

 

The serenity that had fallen over the neighbourhood was broken by the terrified screams of a woman. The screams of terror continued for a few seconds, for a minute, two and then even five minutes.

 

They showed little signs of abating, leaving the startled animals to scamper away in shock as a portly woman in a crisp white apron came screaming out of the front door with a bang.

   

{}

 

This was Nanny Wetstone, the 17th nanny that Thorin had hired to look after his nephews. She was the strictest, the toughest and the most fearless nanny in the land.

 

 

The woman took down the lane at a gallop, her curling hair danced in the wind as her blood-curdling screams echoed through the woods and into town.

{}

 

As Thorin went to work that morning at the local station, he was confident in the knowledge that there was nothing. Absolutely nothing, that his nephews could do to upset her. Filled with a smug sort of calm, the paperwork he had been filling with slow patience. He had just begun to lay out his tools, half-moon spectacles glinting in the morning light when the sounds of a woman’s screams echoed through the tiny building.

 

Thorin’s head jerked up, the bang of the door sending him jumping from his chair as Nanny Wetstone burst through it. Her face, rounded and porridge-like, was as white as a sheet. He frown hard at the interpretation, fighting to keep the shock from his features as the woman gasped for air before confessing her dramatic entrance.

 

 “They’ve eaten the little one!” 

                                                            

{}

 

Expect that.

{}

 

For a second Thorin could barely speak, first, his voice reeling at the very notion. No, they couldn’t have possibly… Surely not… They wouldn’t go that far. Not little Kili…

  
  
Thorin was soon dashing through the streets, yanking on his coat so hard he nearly tore the seams. The wind whistled in his ears as he ran through the cobbled streets, along winding country lanes and through the red door.

 

He could nearly feel his face twitching with rage as his feet thumped past crumbling deep blue paint, along with threadbare carpets and up another flight of stairs to the top of the house.

 

Here he followed the sounds of voices, the whisper of children exclaiming at his arrival. Thorin tried to breathe deeply, tried his hardest to not simply walk in and shake them till they told him the truth.

 

“He’s here!” That was Fili, ever the ring leader.

 

“He’s coming!” Tauriel? Thorin turned his eyes skyward for a few seconds, mentally preparing himself for the rabble he was about to face.

 

Tauriel was similar to Kili, far too clever for her own good. She was always ready to go along with their mischief, often leading to Kili going to greater heights.

 

The whispering and the occasional giggle continued as Thorin's fingers closed around the doorknob. The metal was blissfully silent as his fingers began to turn it. Thorin eased open the door and swept his gaze around the sun-bleached room.

 

Fili sat closest, his golden curls golden as he ripped into… A leg? Thorin eyebrows lowered as Fili ripped off a piece of white meat with near animal-like savagery. Gimli was next to the piano, holding another leg in a white sock…

 

The sound of bones snapping between fingers and the tearing of meat made Thorin’s stomach swirl uneasily and his glower grew. Legolas sat on the sofa, alongside Tauriel who oddly enough had decided to use a knife and fork despite the cannibalism supposedly occurring. Thorin was momentarily stunned by how civilised she was.

 

Come along During, get it together. Thorin steeled himself and surveyed the group with a shimmering anger.

  
  
“Children, were is Kili?” His voice only wavered at the beginning.

 

Eight pairs of eyes turned to look at him guiltily. No one said a word.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates every Thursday, if not earlier.


	3. No More Nannies!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is coming in a little later than planned, I will be back on track tomorrow. In any case, enjoy!

The children exchanged eye contact, gazing sliding guilty to one another’s. Gimli looked at Fili. Tauriel looked at Kili. Fili looked at Legolas. Legolas looked at Gimli. Then they looked back at him, Thorin felt his temper being to boil.

 

Then a stiffed giggle filled the air. Thorin felt his eyes roll but his body lifted in relief at the sound, Fili smiled innocently at him over a leg of…. Chicken? Thorin didn’t really want to know, he strode across the room and pulled up the cauldron that had been sitting at the end of the table.

 

Beneath the gleaming copper sat Kili, his feet surrounded by vegetables and his hair matted with gravy. He smiled up at Thorin and raised his arms up to be raised. Thorin scowled back and scooped up the matted creature to the cry of “Uncle!”

 

“Look at you…” Kili gave another giggle and smiled a toothy grin, unaware of the smouldering rage growing within Thorin as he was placed him onto the floor and surveyed.

 

“You’re all cabbagey and gravy…” He reached across and rubbed a smear off Kili’s cheek.

 

Then he raised his eyes, fixing them upon the mischief group. They all shrank back, deflating undernearth his glowering demeanour.

 

“As doubtless you’re intention, Nanny Wetstone has resigned from her post.” None of the children looked disappointed if anything they shared tiny smiles that were turned into humble blank stares when Thorin’s growled.

 

“I shall go to the agency this afternoon and return with a new nanny and you shall not drive her away like Nanny Wetstone and her precessors, otherwise there will be consequences.”

 

Thorin looked in particular at his nephews before sweeping the room and barely managing from slamming the door in his wake. He mostly succeed. Dear lord, his suit was ruined and he had only worn it for a few hours.

 

“What an earth will I do with them, far to clev-“ Thorin’s brooding turned into a gasp of horror as his foot stepped on one of the boy’s toy trains resting in wait on one of the steps of the stair’s.

 

With a number of undefined sounds, Thorin tumbled down the stairs in a tangle of black hair and limbs. He hit the landing with a hard thump and was forced to lie there gasping as he contemplated wherein his life it had all gone to hell.

 

{}

 

Fili wiped his wet hands down his trousers when he got back, opening up a cupboard in the playroom to reveal the chart. Now the chart was Fili’s and Kili’s idea, loving created they tracked how long a nanny remained and created likeness for each nanny who would join their fallen comrades on the chart when they left.

 

Fili was especially proud of it, he ruffled Kili’s hair, still damped after his bath, and picked up the tiny Nanny Wetstone.

  
  
“So that’s three days, eight hours and forty-seven minutes so that got rid of her…” His fingers drifted down the chain. “That got her twenty-three hours and twenty-seven minutes quicker than the last one.”

 

Fili smiled and hummed in surprise as the doll joined the others. “I think the turning point was definitely eating the baby.” He announced to the others as they gathered around him.

 

“Well done Gimli.” Fili smiled at him and Gimli winked back mischief.

 

{}

 

Meanwhile, fate had decided that Thorin’s day had clearly not been bad enough.

 

“Mister Durin!” Thorin groaned internally as the chipper voice sounded out across the hallway marked with concern. Thorin mediated quietly on the impending humiliation as the scamper of feet sped across the hallway.

 

He gave a huff and pushed open his eyes to greet the worried, cherub-like face of Bilbo Baggins. He was their gardener, servant, nanny and officially Thorin’s secretary all rolled into one.

 

His eyes scampered across Thorin’s twisted form, his face perched between Thorin’s foot and the bannister which he had managed to get caught on during his descent.

 

“Oh dear! Are you alright Mister Durin?” He enquired, Thorin felt his blood rush to face and he began to struggle up with as much grace as a newborn foal.

 

“Yes. Perfectly. I’m perfectly all right.” He groused out, perhaps a little too harshly as Bilbo’s face fell slightly. Thorin mentally kicked himself, trying to organise his body into something more graceful as blood pounded around his cheeks.

 

{} 

 

Bilbo merely sighed sadly and crossed round the stairs to help his disgraced employer to his feet. Thorin would be lying if he didn’t enjoy Bilbo’s fluttering touch as he fussed over his coat and shirt.

 

Some might even say that Thorin lingered a little in his space, but Thorin would declare those sorts of people to be fools.

 

When Thorin had reached a vertical state and Bilbo had finally cleared him to fit to be seen Thorin was allowed to speak once more. Bilbo had overridden him every time he had attempted to speak with his mutterings of ‘Durin's!” or “Such a state!”.

 

“Bilbo.” He spoke quietly but firmly. “I do not wish to alarm you but would you tell Bombur that the new nanny has had to leave rather suddenly and I will be going down to the agency to hire a new one.”

  
  
Bilbo nodded but his eyebrows rose.

 

“What did they do this time?” He intoned in a weary manner, however, his eye twinkled with amusement.

 

Thorin felt his brows draw together in displeasure and he looked down at the floor, whispering the mischief to their shoes gruffly. “They pretended to have eaten Kili.”

 

“I’m sorry?” Bilbo replied, his face a picture of astonishment.

 

“They. Pretend. To. Have. Eaten. Kili.” Thorin growled out, watching in displeasure as Bilbo’s face passed through a range of emotions. Everything from shock, disapproval, glee to barely contained laughter.

 

“Well-“ A snigger slipped out past his lips. “That’s just-just dreadful.” He managed to push down the mirth to form a reply. Thorin could see he was dying to run off and tell Bombur about the mischief.

 

“I’ll tell him.” Bilbo managed, smiling up at Thorin.

 

Thorin nodded gravelly, his mouth twitching with the desire to smile back at the figure. They lingered there, neither saying anything as they stared at the other.

 

When he finally pulled himself together and strode away. If only he had looked behind him, he would have seen a fond look pulling Bilbo’s features as he watched Thorin leave the house.

 

Thorin made it halfway down the entrance before the sound of combined laughter echoed from downstairs as Bilbo began to recite the tale to Bombur.

 

{} 

 

Thorin strode down the high street with the purpose and face of a man who had his own personal rain cloud following him. Needless to say, he reached the agency for ‘Nannies of Distinction’ within a record time.

 

The window was suitably decorated and vibrant but the door which should have been open to welcome customers did not give way under his touch. Shockingly, the interior of the shop also appeared to be in darkness despite the hour of the day.

 

Thorin pushed back his hair and tried again, going so far as to jangle the door handle it had gotten stuck. Useless. He pressed his face to the glass and peered inside. Then rapped with his knuckles.

 

“Mrs Partridge?” He called through the glass.

 

“We’re closed!” Replied the nasal voice, the sign swinging to the word in front of his face in a beautiful yet rejecting font.

 

“There has been a small disruption.” Thorin persisted on yet was rebuffed again.

 

“We’re not here!” The voice replied, starting to sound also alarmed. The blinds came down now in front of the door, shielding him from his pursuit.

 

Thorin seethed at the treatment, he had been a loyal and certainly well-paying customer. To be treated in such a manner. He turned abruptly and rapped on the window.

 

“Let me, I demand to speak to you!” He shouted in growing anger. The voice only replied with curtains and phrases such as ‘Go away!”

 

Thorin was forced to resort to the letterbox as a last resort to his problem. It was terribly undigified and thus he might have shouted.

 

“How could she be so foolish, they didn’t really eat Kili!” Honestly, and the woman seemed to be able to call herself intelligent upon their first meeting.

 

“There’s no more nannies!” Thorin felt his heart sink at the words. “You’ve had a lot!” Then a door slammed and not all the shouting, partial pleading could bring the woman back.

 

By all the saints! Thorin eventually set to cursing the world and made to stride off back to the house. He had just take two steps when the creak of the letterbox behind him called his attention.

 

Thorin checked all around him to make sure he was alone and then ducked his head to see if there was anyone there.

 

Shockingly, a haunting voice called from the inside said letterbox.

 

“The person you need is Professor Tharkûn.”

 

“Is that you Mrs Partridge?” Thorin calls back warily, approaching the box slowly.

 

“The person you need is Professor Tharkûn.” The voice calls back, with an almost insistent tone. Thorin could have almost said it was quite a demanding letterbox, but he would have taken anyone right now.

 

“Excellent, I need him to start right away.” Thorin snapped back, praying that no one saw him ordering a disembodied voice in a letterbox to do his bidding. How did his life reach this point?

 

{} 

 

He would later explain this moment to his husband when they were sitting together in his study drinking tea by the fire, that this is when it had all gone to hell in a handbasket.

 

{} 

  

The voice almost seemed amused when it replied.

 

“Professor Tharkûn is not on our books or records. Professor Tharkûn is not on anyone’s books or records.” With that riddle, the letterbox slammed with a snap.

 


	4. The Arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chaos and madness, a new arrival and a little context for our dear characters. The poor pining fools, I tried to make this extremely long for missing out on posting on the correct time.

 Bilbo bustled into the kitchen and pulled down his apron later on that day, Bombur stood behind the stove with his spoon at the ready. Copper pans glinted and boiled under his watchful eyes.

 

“So, Nanny Westone is gone for good,” Bilbo confirmed, tieing up the pale cream cotton into a neat bow around his back, the kitchen was one of Bilbo’s favourite places in the house. It was always so alive with activity and charming smells.

 

“I can’t say I’m surprised.” Bombur snorted back in a voice that dripped with sarcasm, he climbed back from amongst the billowing steam. “You could help with the potatoes.” He ordered, pulling down another pot.

 

“Mister Durin has gone to the agency to go and hire a new nanny, I said the children will be fine with us…” Bilbo confessed, flashing Bombur as a winning smile as a groan followed his words.

 

“They will be fine with you, with you they behave like angels but with me…” Bombur huffed and placed a dish down with a loud thump on the kitchen table. “I won’t have them in here, I have it in writing.” From his apron, he drew a well-marked piece of paper that held Mister Durin’s word that the children were not allowed in the kitchen under ANY circumstances.

 

At least they weren’t allowed in when Bombur was cooking, it wasn’t like Bombur would ever turn them away without good reason. Bilbo smirked, remembering fondly when he came down to the kitchen to find Bombur feeding the boys biscuits and coco during a thunderstorm.

 

As Bombur continued to prattle on about it being ‘In writing!” Bilbo nodded along and began to peel the potato’s earthy skin away from one by one.

 

{} 

 

Upstairs, the children had taken to what children do best. Play and make noise till the return of Mister Durin cut their fun short. Kili was perched on top of the piano when his uncle returned, his fingers were sticky with strawberry jam while his heels played discordant tunes on the keys to the entrance of his uncle.

 

“Well, that’s the final straw!” His uncle growled as he strode in, his face like thunder.

 

Fili rushed up to his side and hugged him, then proceeded to hang on while Thorin dragged him around the room as he paced in fury.

 

“There are no more nannies,” Thorin exclaimed, gesturing his arms as he scowled fiercely down at the children.

 

“None. It’s all over. It’s done. It’s all over.” Fili giggled slightly as he was pulled along the floor, now clutching onto Thorin’s lower leg.

 

“And I’ve had to cancel my vital appointment which will cause no end of trouble.” Thorin continued, biting out each word.

  
  
“I told them not to!” Tauriel called out. “It wasn’t my idea.”

 

“Well don’t look at me, it not’s my fault.” Fili instantly called out in a hurt tone as Thorin’s eyes turned to him next.

 

“Well, you seem intent on distressing me so-“ He paused and leaned down to detach Fili from his leg and pulled him up to his feet before he continued. Having a children-come-kola bear attached to his leg did little to enhance his authority within the house.

 

“You seem intent on distressing me so now I’m going to distress you.” Thorin continued, fiery blazing through his words as he reached his conclusion.

 

“You are…” Thorin paused for a huff of breath, momentarily trying to think of a suitable punishment. Damn, Dis had always been so much better at being stern. “You are to go home immediately!” He finished lamely to Kili and Fili’s friends, swirling round to the door.

 

“And you two-” He pointed to his nephews who were looking at him a state of horror. “-are to go bed, now.”

 

“Before supper?” Kili called out from his perch.

 

Was that too harsh? Thorin wavered but then remembered how much trouble the children had caused and his will steeled. “Without supper.” Then he left, striding down the corridors to compose a truly humble letter.

 

{} 

 

“Did he say without supper?” Kili asked the room, his eyes wide and concerned at the prospect. For a young growing boy, no supper might as well have been a death sentence.

 

“Never mind that.” Fili waved off, looking around the room with eyes wide with excitement. “There’s no more nannies.” He smiled as though someone had just said Christmas was coming early.

 

{} 

  

Down in the kitchen, Bilbo sighed over the potatoes. “Poor him.” Bilbo intoned, with melancholy. Bombur with true restraint did not roll his eyes at the love-sick pining occurring before his eyes. “Poor them.”

 

“Poor them? They’re little devils, mark my words Bilbo it’ll be snowing in August before this family is straightened out.” And before you and Thorin ever decide to do something about your feelings, he added privately.

 

{} 

 

Down in his study, Thorin began to pen a letter of apology amongst the rich blue walls. His glasses glittered silver on the end of his hawk-like nose as he began to write.

 

“Dear Nanny Wetstone…” An excellent beginning. “My nephews…” The sound of childish screams interrupted his thoughts but Thorin tried valiantly to push through them. “My nephews…” The screams continued and moved in shouting, Thorin pulled off his glasses as a wave of tiredness overtook him.

 

It sounded like Tauriel and Legolas were the main speakers, as the levels grew Thorin let his head hit the desk with a thump of surrender.

 

{} 

 

“Legolas that’s my solider!” Tauriel screeched,  the solider in question had just meet the unfortunate fate of the guillotine with Gimili’s help.

  
Legolas proceeded to prance around the room with the dismembered body as Fili called for everyone to stop cutting the heads off their toys. Kili meanwhile had taken to painting the piano keys with red paint and adding to the mass of noise around him.

 

Bilbo entered the scene of destruction, called for quiet but was utterly unhead under the din. After a few more tries, he was forced to resort to drastic measures and raised his voice.

 

“QUIET!” He called sternly, raising his eyebrow in true disapproval as the children fell to silence. They had long since learned to not underestimate him for though kind, Bilbo Baggins was very firm. The only sound was Kili hitting the lower piano keys with an ominous thunder of notes.

 

“You’re driving you’re poor uncle to distraction.” Bilbo scolded as he marched through the chaos in a much lower tone to pull Legolas and Tauriel apart as they wrestled with each over. “Stop it.” He ordered, returning Tauriel’s soldier back to her side.

 

Finally, when no one seemed to desire to kill each other Bilbo settled himself into a chair and called Fili to his side. Gimli settled in his lap as well, giggling as Bilbo gave him a quick hug before pulling out a book.

 

“What does this word say?” He called to Fili, pulling open the cream pages printed with inky words.

  
  
“Lovingly, he took her lovingly by the hand,” Fili replied.

 

“What’s your book about Bilbo?” Legolas asked curiously.

 

“It’s about the daughter of a nice man who remarries after his wife’s dies and the stepmother Is horrible to her.” Fili filled in, his face exaggerating over the words much to Bilbo’s amusement.

 

“Why doesn’t the man stop her from being horrid?” Kili calls out.

 

“Father’s all turn bad when their loved ones,” Fili answered with a hint of anger creeping into his voice, causing a frown to work its way onto Bilbo’s face. “They don’t care anymore.”

 

Bilbo gave a great sigh, on these boys. Thorin tried and tried to be their father, a mother and a working man all rolled into one. “On Fili,” He murmured with concern and some reproach. “You’re uncle cares so much about you too.”

 

“No, he doesn’t.” Fili snapped back getting and beginning to wander about the room. “Does he read to Kili like he used to? Does he play cricket with us like he used to? He doesn’t even say goodnight to us anymore, we hardly see him!” He finished with a heated glare out the window.

 

“He loves you Fili, you know that.” Bilbo countered, standing and coming to sit down in front of Fili. A man would have to be blind to not see the love that Thorin had for these two boys, they were his whole world.

 

“He’s just..” How best to put this. “He’s just had an awful lot on his mind.” Bilbo finished, instantly regretting the choice of words as Fili swung back round to look at him.

 

“Since mother and father died.” Fili ended, Kili’s face swinging round to look at them. Dis and her husband **Víli** were not often mentioned in the house. The pain of their death still tainted the family with sorrow.

 

Bilbo felt his heartache for the tormented children, desperate for comfort yet so distant from the one whom he needed most. Durins never were able to handle their emotions at the best of times, but Bilbo would still try to help.

 

He leaned forward and pressed his hands together as he regarded Fili with affection. “You and you’re Uncle used to be so close.” Bilbo reminded him gently.

 

“Not anymore,” Fili replied, drawing back into himself once more. Anger was so much easier, Bilbo had seen Thorin do the same many times. If he drew him too far out of his shells, then he would clam up and begin to snap.

 

“All he cares about is finding someone nice to marry.” Fili finished, slumping down moodily against a dresser.

 

“Well…” Bilbo felt his heart squeeze with such pain it stole his breath away. Thorin courting someone. Thorin married to someone. Then he shook himself, a Baggins didn’t mope over a lost cause. He shoved away from the pain and forced an optimistic smile.

 

“It might be nice to have someone, a new aunt for you two.” He forced out, the words tasting like acid in his mouth.

 

“Don’t you know anything about the world, Bilbo?” Tauriel called back with all the weariness of a child who has seen to much of the world to no longer believe in fairytales. “Whoever he marries will despise them and treat them like slaves.”

 

“What nonsense, you do not know that,” Bilbo replied.

 

“Plenty of evidence.” Gimli countered, depositing a large book covered with golden font and a decadent covering of purple on ‘Fairy Tales’. Bilbo felt his smile grow as he flipped open the pages.

 

“There isn’t a story in there with a decent person who marries into a family that already has children. They are all evil people.” He said as Bilbo turned to an illustration of a wicked stepmother scolding Cinderella. “Who likes other people’s children anyway?” Gimli finished with satisfaction.

 

“I like you all very much.” Bilbo returned, his voice light with laughter as he turned to look at them. True, Kili and Fili were his true charges but the other children came round so frequently Bilbo had essentially adopted them all at this point.

 

“Yes, but you’re a servant. You’re paid to like us, that doesn’t count.” Legolas added, missing the look of hurt that flashed across Bilbo’s face nor the sting of his words. He could feel his eyes begin to smart, he climbed to his feet and grabbed his book.

 

“I’ve got work to be getting on with.” He said, forcing his lips to pull into a smile that he didn’t feel in any way. Head down, Bilbo hurried from the room as Gimli slicked the head off a small rag doll.

 

As he left Kili hopped down from the piano and followed him into the hallway with eyes as wide as dinner plates.

 

“I really am hungry Bilbo.” He called, his voice pleading. “Could you maybe bring me some secret toast and jam?” His voice was full of hope but Bilbo kept on walking down and around the corner of the corridor.

 

“Alright, forgot the jam, just some secret toast?” Kili called but his pleas fell on death ears.

  

{} 

 

Thorin had not taken into account how tried he had been following the morning's adventures, thus he had promptly fallen asleep face down on his desk. He was awoken by the strike and hiss of a match, he rose his head slowly to focus his blurry gaze on the sight of Bilbo lighting him a fiery.

 

Bilbo turned and gave him a smile and then hide a small chuckle. Thorin frowned, embarrassment licking down the back fo his neck as he pushed his hair back and tried to enter into something that could be called ‘dignified’.

 

It was awkward, to say the least, he wandered his gaze over the room as Bilbo hummed about tidying and fluffing up the pillows.

 

“Would you like me to fluff the pillows on Mrs Durin’s chair Mister Durin? I know you enjoy doing it yourself.” He added almost as an afterthought and thought felt his heart squeeze tightly at the rush of thoughtfulness.

 

“No, please go ahead Mister Baggin. Fluff away to you is heart's content.” He was blabbering. Excellent. Marvellous.

  
  
But he couldn’t help it, the way that Bilbo approached the curving chair in its deep scarlet velvet glory with such reverence and care made his thoughts turn into a tumbled mess. He indulged himself, watching Bilbo plump the cushion with care to perfection as he leaned back in his chair. Thorin had often fantasized in secret moments that Bilbo would look wonderful sat there when the evening sun came through the curtains, casting the seat and him in golden light.

 

“I was wondering, I wanted to make Kili some toast, would that be alright?” Bilbo enquired as he dusted, using Thorin’s diverted attention to his advantage.

 

“Yes of cour-“ He almost had him, Thorin shook himself from his daydreams. “No. Not under at circumstances he repeatedly firmly even as Bilbo gave him such a sorrowful look that he nearly crumbled.

 

Bilbo moved on to dusty around the front of his desk, the sun framed him wonderfully, lighting up his curls to form a near halo and when he leaned forward across the desk… Thorin could almost image reaching up and catching hold of the front of that green waistcoat, pulling him down and finally tasting that softly smirking mouth…

 

“I could be very secretive, just like a bulger, I would be in and out in a flash,” Bilbo said, his mouth pulling into a grin.

 

His mouth watered as Thorin answered as he tried to pull his raging desires under control. “No, Fili would hear him chewing and then we’d be done for.”

 

Bilbo gave him a look that made Thorin want to sink down in his chair and hide.

 

“Of course Mister Durin,” Bilbo replied in a falsely pleasant voice, his servant's voice. Thorin hated that voice, it was so fake. His grumbled to himself mentally as Bilbo left the room, fighting the urge to run after him and give in to letting Kili have the toast after all if only to see Bilbo smile at him.

 

Instead, he consumed himself with retrieving the paper and shuffling through it, to his horror however the words of early came back to haunt him in the sight of an advertisement at the bottom of the paper.

 

‘The person you need is Professor Tharkûn.’

 

Thorin felt his heart leap, he scrambled to his feet and in his enthusiasm to read the rest nearly torn the paper in half. After he had read it again to check he wasn’t imaging the words he left the second half fall open to reveal a string of holes in the shape of men. Thorin breathed deeply, trying to control his aggravation at the sight of the men going straight through the contact information.

 

He threw the newspaper into the corner in a fit of childish anger and slumped down in his chair to brood over his turbulent life.

 

{} 

 

Bombur had been left alone in the kitchen to the quiet of the evening. With no supper to be made for the children, he had prepared Thorin’s, his own and Bilbo’s meal before cleaning up for the evening.

 

He leaned back in his chair contently, murmuring himself with delight at the discipline that was finally be exercised in the house. His sighs of content however only lasted for a few moments.

 

From a corner behind the stairs came a scuttling sound and a tiny pitch of squeaks as a clockwork mouse flew out from the darkness, chattered and then returned back to the depths. Not that Bombur was aware that the mouse in question was a toy, instead his eyes flew open at the noise and he looked about him fearfully.

 

The squeaking continued from one dark corner to the next. Then the mouse raced across the floor behind him. Bombur gave a twitch at the noise.

 

The mouse flew past the dogs, must to their weary amusement, they merely sniffed at it and ignored it as one of the quirks of their humans. Bombur, on the other hand, was growing more fearful by the minute, he leant forward in his chair as the scuttling sounds drew closer.

 

When the creature ran under his feet, Bombur was forced to his feet. He began to draw back, looking about him fearfully for the signs of the intruders.

 

“Now you listen here you little tyrants. You aren’t allowed in this kitchen while I’m cooking.” Cooking might have been a bit of a stretch but Bombur wasn’t taking any chances, he pulled forth the note and waved it about as if it ward off an evil spirit. “I have it here, in writing!” His voice quavering.

 

{} 

 

Back in Thorin’s study, he had finally given up all pretence of work and instead had taken to brooding by the fire and trying to seek some advice as the night began to close in around him.

 

“Well dear sister, the agency has closed it’s doors.” He lept forward on his knees, staring into the chair and talking as if his sister was there in front of him, he could almost imagine her there smirking and scolding him in kind as he told her of the events of the day.

 

“What am I to do?” He questioned hopelessly, running his hands down his face wearily.  “Uncle Thrór has been saying that…”  (A man not be trifled with who held more money than many kings of Europe but who was cold and distant.)

 

Thorin put on a condescending air and a strict deep voice of the man to try and lighten the situation. “‘Your nephews are out of control Thorin’ and that they need female influence. You know what he’s like.” Thorin ran his hands up and down his legs, worrying at the fabric with his fingers as he spoke. “He’ll stop the allowance unless I marry and give the children a mother figure within a month.” Speaking it out loud made his head feel dizzy, made it all seem so… Real.

 

Thorin could barely consider the idea of marrying anyone within a month. Let alone… A woman. He had never had the courage to stand up to his Uncle Thrór, a man who believed in the traditional views of a man and a woman, though same-sex partners had finally been de-criminalised in the eyes of the law and society. However, many of the older generation with influence refused to change leaving Thorin forever hiding his preferences from most of his family.

 

Around Dis, her husband, his mother and his friends there had never been any problem with his preference. With Dis marrying and having the boys he was no longer pressured to marry. There were heirs to the fortune that satisfied most of his relatives but Uncle Thrór had continued to prod at his chosen bachelorhood and had finally trapped him.

 

“It’s a month! It’s… It’s unbearable. But I had to promise.” He finished lamely, sinking back into his chair. In his heart of hearts, Thorin had always wished that he would marry for love. His sister had been lucky and had found love and an acceptable man for her husband, not that it would have stopped her if he wasn’t acceptable.

 

“I mean… We talked about if there was no money. They’ll take the house. Debtors prison for me.” Thorin gulped at the images that flashed through his mind. “Goodness knows what will happen to Fili or Kili.” He finished.

 

{} 

 

The wind-up mouse squeaked and scrabbled on the table as its little wheels spun but went nowhere. This was to be it’s a final resting place, within the next moment Bombur brought down his rolling pin again and again until the mouse was merely a pile of cogs and springs.

 

Then he began to back away, sweeping his gaze around the kitchen. “Where are you, little trouble makers?” He barked, unaware of the trolley slowly sliding down the wall with Gimli seated inside ready to pounce.

 

“I’m ready for you, and I’m not going down with a fig-“ Gimli brought down the frying pan with a twang, knocking Bombur to the floor unconscious as the trolley came to a stop behind the unconscious cook.

 

{} 

 

Little did the children know that there was magic travelling through the air that evening night. A strange force travelled on the wind, coming through the clouds and barring down on the house.

 

{} 

 

In the kitchen, all the forces of hell had broken loose. There were pans and cutlery littering the floor with smashes eggs, pieces of vegetables, food and bags of floor knocked over the floor. Kili had passed out on a pile burst bags of beans after raiding the cupboards of anything sweet and throwing up on the floor.

 

Gimli was under the table which Bombur had been tied to with clothes and tea towels mixing together what looked like a small bomb from different kitchen ingredients. Fili was watching over the chaos with a look not out of place on the devil himself as he mixed the drying laundry into a cake batter. Tauriel had built herself a capulet and was getting rather good at hurling all manner of items into the boiling pots on the far side of the room. Legolas was swinging from the lights screaming with joy. The children were all high on adrenaline, so alive and completely unreachable.

 

{} 

 

The magic grew closer, the same voice whispering on the wind and the being listening to the chaos that was erupting in the house. He could have been earlier or later, but this being arrived exactly when he meant to.

 

{} 

 

Bilbo watched in abject horror as Tauriel jumped and a fleet of china dishes exploded against a wall into snowy white shards. He had just stepped out to visit Bofur at the bakery and to pick up the bread for tomorrow and quick talk. Upon his return he had found the kitchen nearly in ruins, Bombur held hostage and the contents of the pantry on the ceiling. He had been out a quarter of an hour... He had tried going in to stop the madness but the children had completely ignored him, he might as well have been invisible.

 

Thus he rushed up the stairs to Thorin’s office with floor coating his hair and a stain of what could have been egg on his shoulder in a fluster of anguish and burst in. Thorin had been so startled by his appearance that he had almost fallen out of his chair.

 

“Bilbo!” He had cried out in alarm, his eyes roaming over him in concern. Bilbo waved him off, grabbing his wrist and pulling him up. He resolutely ignored the slip of Thorin using his first name and how nice it sounded.

 

“There in the kitchen!” He cried out, Thorin speeding up at his side and overtaking him in a near run.

 

“No. No! You took them down for secret toast!” He cried out, rushing forward. Bilbo puffed up in anger and snapped back as they raced through the main entrance.

 

“I never did!” He replied waspishly, hurt that Thorin would even accuse him of letting things get this out of hand. “You’re the one who sent them to bed without any dinner, that’s what’s caused this!”

 

Thorin wheeled round and advanced on him, fury craving lines in his face and turning his eyes into blue fire. “Don’t you dare te-“ He began but was never able to finish for he was interrupted by a booming knock at the front door. Both of their heads turned to the sound, their argument dying on their lips.

 

The clap of thunder that accompanied it enhanced the strangeness, Bilbo gave a small gasp of fright and his fingers clutched Thorin’s waistcoat. Thorin would deny to his last breath that he moved closer to Bilbo, his hands catching Bilbo’s arm and pulling him closer.

 

A figure was illuminated at the door, the outline a long nose and a tall hat with a wide brim and tall point were seen in the outside light. Who could possibly be at the door at his time of night?

 

The wind whistled around the house, the lights flickering over the shadow. Thorin gulped and Bilbo tightened his grip a little more till his mind seemed to catch up with his hands. He released the fabric but his fingers fluttered anxiously as Thorin gradually released him as well. He loathed doing so. For a few moments, they fumbled awkwardly as they tried to reorganise themselves into an appropriate manner.

 

“I should. I’ll go and…” Bilbo murmured distracted, eyes unable to meet Thorin’s as he moved to answer the door. Thorin felt his heart still and his hand shoot out to bar his progress.

 

“No, I’ll do it.” He ordered, stepping forward and finally catching Bilbo’s eyes which were full of surprise and a touch of admiration. “You should go and…” He tailed off, all his majestic heroism deserting him and leaving him a mumbling wreck.

 

“I’ll go and check downstairs.” Bilbo offered, casting one last glance at the door before hurrying to make his escape down to the kitchen to release them both.

 

{} 

 

“I’ll just… I’ll…” Thorin mumbled as he began to approach the door. Even the lights above his head had began to flicker, casting him momentarily in darkness as they blinked and buzzed. The air felt heavy and even time itself seemed to slow down. As Thorin reached for the doorknob, it was like the world became incredibly quiet and still, like it was waiting for him to open the door. It felt almost a touch magically.

 

When the door creaked open under his touch, he was meet by the sight of a man all dressed in tones of grey. There was an assortment of large looking grey clothes with trousers, shirt, bowtie and a trailing overcoat alongside a wide grey hat underneath which sat the sight of an elderly man. He even held a long grey cane of twisted wood with a brilliant white crystal that glimmered dully in the light.

 

What was truly horrifying was how ugly he was. The man had long sprawling grey hair, a thick monobrow, a wart on the left side of his cheek with grey hairs poking out of it, a long flat yellow tooth that protruded from the front of his mouth, a huge brown mole above his upper lip and a bulbous nose that seemed to take up half of his face. His eyes those, his eyes were as blue as a summer’s day and seemed to pierce Thorin to the spot like a butterfly pinned to a display board.

 

As the lighting flashed, Thorin shook himself from the horrified stupor and gulped audibly. By the saints, this man was utterly petrifying. If the man had noticed Thorin’s staring, he did not comment on it.

 

“Good evening Mr Durin, I am Professor Tharkûn.” The being introduced, the rain beginning to fall steadily behind him and thunder rumbled across the sky. The individual was completely impassive as Thorin’s brain scrambled for a response.

 

“You are Professor Tharkûn?” He questioned, his eyebrows raising. “Good heavens.” He whispered under his breath. “The agency-“

 

“The agency did not send me Mr Durin, I am a government tutor.” Professor Tharkûn interrupted, his head tilting slightly leaving Thorin with the distinct impression that he was being analysed.

 

“A government tutor, how…” Thorin replied, struggling for the right word. “Unusual.” The professor didn’t so much as blink.

 

“May I come in?” Thorin without even thinking about it nodded and stepped aside.

 

“Yes, but all means. Do come in.” Thorin intoned, his eyes still fixed on the professors face as the man gave a small hum of… It could have been thought but it wasn’t displeasure and stepped into the threshold of the house.

 

Thorin watched him enter, and moved to close the door but found instead that it was closing without him even touching it and that Professor Tharkûn had begun to speak.

 

“I understand that you have extremely ill-behaved children?” Professor Tharkûn stated, Thorin bristled behind him and frowned.

 

“No. No. Not at all.” He replied, hurrying to caught up the strides of the man, noticing now that Professor Tharkûn seemed to tower over him. His words had a little effect however, as the crash of dishes and the scream of havoc reached them from downstairs.

 


	5. Chaos In the Kitchen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the delay in chapters! I completely lost track of time, back onto our story with the meeting, mischief and all that soppy jazz. <3

Thorin felt his heart fall as Professor Tharkûn fixed him with a steely graze followed by a bushy eyebrow rising like the morning sun.

 

"Playful, I would say. Yes, very playful." If Dis was somewhere in heaven, she would be laughing.

 

Professor Tharkûn hummed and paused in his stride. "What are you're main concerns with the children?" He intoned in such a serious manner Thorin almost wondered if he was asking if someone had just died. 

 

"Concerns?" Thorin replied in a surprised tone. 

 

Professor Tharkûn hummed again. "Do they go to bed when they are told?" He asked, tilting his head to the left slightly with a questioning air surrounding him. 

 

"Well... Erm... Well, well..." Thorin scrambled for words, wondering how his education had deserted him so before conceding under the raised brow. "No."

 

"Do they get up when they are told?" 

  
  
"Not exactly," Thorin growled back softly, folding his arms. He felt like he was being put under scunity, it was unnerving, to say the least. 

 

"Do they get dressed when they are told?" 

  
  
What was he doing? Being put on trial for the worst uncle in England? 

  
  
"That is a good question..."

 

"Do they say please and thank-you?"

 

"In what context?" Thorin replied, trying to dodge the question with what felt like little success. Professor Tharkûn seemed to have concluded his inquisition however. 

 

"That will do for getting on with, you're nephews need me." He concluded, a little twinkle in his eye as the crash of another dish hitting the floor reached them. 

 

With those words, Professor Tharkûn began to stride through the house to reach the kitchen. It took Thorin a second to process what had just occurred and that Professor Tharkûn seemed to know exactly where he was going despite never having been in the house before he could catch up to him. 

 

"Please, let me go and make sure everything is in order, introduce you." He stammered, his imagination creating fearful images of the chaos that was being dealt in the kitchen. 

 

Professor Tharkûn would have none of it and simply brushed away his concerns in such a polite manner that Thorin was sure had been taking lessons from Bilbo. 

  
  
"I shall introduce myself." The grey figure replied, descending the stairs. "Please Mr Durin, go back to you're study and do call me Gandalf." The man replied, sending Thorin a mischief wink as he walked leaving Thorin thoroughly stupified by the whole experience. 

 

{} 

 

The grey overcoat twinkled and glimmered in the light as it trailed behind Gandalf as he descended. His cane was lost in the din, striking the steps with a firm thump. The dogs were the first to notice his presence, raising their heads and then curving back into their baskets at the scent of something not quite human. Gandalf was by no means dangerous, but it was clear that he was not quite of this world, animals always did have a sort of sixth-sense about this. Children sometimes saw it too, though they lost the sense as they grew older, and in adults, it was almost non-existent except for in a few very exceptional individuals. 

 

{} 

 

The flaky door to the passage opened with a soft squeak to admit him to the shouts of the children, bringing him ever closer and to the sight of Bilbo peering into the kitchen with concern wrapped around his cherub-like features. Upon seeing Gandalf's solemn features, Bilbo felt both fear, calm and tingling of... Something... It was strange how familiar the ugly grey figure looked, like something from a forgotten dream. 

 

The figure gave Bilbo a solemn nod but a twinkle persisted in his pearly blue eyes that left Bilbo with relief, who earth was this man? Bilbo retreated to the side, allowing the figure to brush by as the kitchen door swung open to admit him. Bilbo could have imagined it, it had been a stressful day after all, but he could have sworn that the door opened without the elderly man touching it...

 

"Excuse me!" He called, suddenly finding the courage to detach his tongue from the roof of his mouth. 

 

The man turned and raised his right eyebrow curiously. 

  
  
"I am sorry but can I help you?" Bilbo finished, feeling his face grow flushed as an amused smile licked it's a way across the crinkled features.

 

"That remains to be seen. Goodness, you're changed Bilbo Baggins." The man replied. "And maybe not for the better..."

 

Bilbo gave a small huff at the peculiar answer but pushed forward to be polite nevertheless. "Well, then... Could I have your name? It's rude to enter someone's house and not introduce themselves to the inhabitants."

 

To his surprise, the man frowned. "I never expected to be asked for my name by Belladonna Took's son, as if I was a selling button's at the door. You know my name but you do not know I belong to it, I'm Gandalf and Gandalf means..." At this point, the elderly gentleman paused before finishing in what Bilbo could only think as a lacklustre conclusion. "Means me." 

 

Now that did sound familiar, much more familiar than it should... He surely couldn't mean... No... Bilbo opened his mouth to reply but Gandalf spoke before he could get a word in. 

  
  
"Well Bilbo, I shall have to remise with you another time about the past for there is much work to be done." Gandalf's face took on a shadow of sadness before the solemn expression was back and he swept through the war-zone that had once been the kitchen leaving a stunned Bilbo in the passage.  

 

{} 

 

Fili was the first to notice the intruder, pausing in adding the last of the socks to the mixture at the intrusion. "Oh look!" He called gleefully, the children falling silent and turning, their faces twisting with horror at the man's face. "The door's open and there's nobody's there!"

 

Bombur twisted and shouted through his tea-towel-gag as Gandalf gave them all a disapproving look. "I am here." He replied, casting his gaze over them all. "I am Gandalf." 

 

"Oh?" Fili replied, ignoring the warning signs and turning his spoon around the pot. "Did-did someone speak?" He stammered mischievously. 

 

"I didn't hear anything," Gimli called out from below the table. 

  
  
"That's because nobody's there." Legolas added, catching onto the joke with a small giggle. 

 

Tauriel jumped fire the catapult once more, scattering potatoes across the kitchen floor. 

 

"Then listen carefully, and try to hear this. You are to stop what you are doing." Tauriel pulled back the catapult, but all the children's attention was focused on Gandalf's carefully measured words. "Stop what you are doing, put the kitchen to rights and go upstairs to bed." 

 

Bombur muffled shouts of encouragement at these words filled the room as the children exchanged looks of confusion and mischief. None moved to fulfil Gandalf's order. 

 

"Did you hear what I said?" Gandalf asked in a dangerously soft voice.

 

"I've just had an idea." Kili cut across Gandalf, an impish grin rolling across his features. "Why don't we play in the kitchen all night long?" 

  
  
There were screams and shouts of assent at this suggestion and within moments the chaos began to move back up to its former levels of chaos. 

 

"Excellent notion." Gimli cheered, smirking under Gandalf's grim gaze. 

 

Tauriel was preparing for another jump, this time the catapult was filled with bright tomatoes while Legolas egged her on by shouting "Jump!" repeatedly, Gandalf simply stayed quiet and reached into the folds of his coat to bring out the twisted cane with the glimmering crystal at its head. At the sight of it, the children paused as if they could sense the weight that the action carried. Legolas slowly quieted, his gaze fixed on the cane. Fili and Tauriel exchanged looks. Curious and concerned all at once. 

 

Gandalf's other hand came to rest on top of the other, the crystal seeming to shine a little brighter. Legolas stopped speaking entirely, trailing off into silence as the dogs gave a small whimper of concern. Gandalf gave the room one last sweeping gaze and then the cane began to rise with the creaking of wood. 

 

It rose higher and higher, filling the room with suspense as the children watched Gandalf and Gandalf watched the children. The air itself seemed to have been electrified, all we're waiting for the inevitable moment when the cane would come down. Even Bombur was silent, straining against his bonds to see. 

 

{} 

 

Upstairs in his study, Thorin let the newspaper crinkle and fold over as something blinked on in his brain. Bilbo was fussing over the mantlepiece with such vigour that Thorin was afraid for any dust mites he might encounter. "Government tutor?" He wondered out loud, causing Bilbo to pause in his dusting and fix him with a perplexed eyebrow. 

 

{} 

 

Gandalf's cane meet the ground with a whoosh, if the children had been looking hard enough then they might have noticed the flash of sliver sparks that flew out of the end as the staff hit the ground. The echoes of the motion seemed to spread through the house and out across the fields, the children, however, were thrown into a frenzy of activity. It was as if they had been pushed into a run and were unable to control their bodies. 

 

Fili began to mix the batter with the force and speed of a machine and  Tauriel began to run and jump with such speed that the catapult moaned and creaked under her motions. There were cries and shrieks of dismay as the children battled against their bodies moving without their input. 

 

"What's happening?!" 

  
  
"She's done something to us!"

 

"They went in the pot!" Tauriel called as she began to gather up her next load, she was referring to the tomatoes which had by some sort of magic all ended squarely into the pot of boiling water. "They went in the pot!" 

 

"I can't stop!" Gimli's cried out in horror as his bomb turned a horrifying jade green as he began to mix at the speed of a runaway train. Legolas began to knock off all the ladles and spoons from the racket he had been swinging, deafening them all with bangs as the utils hit the floor. 

 

"She banged her stick!" 

 

"I'm going to be sick!" 

  
  
Gandalf watched over the madness with all the calm of a pond on a summer's day, Fili looked terrified as their kingdom of fun shifted into something beyond their control. Legolas then took to swinging on the rack altogether, yelling at the top of his lungs while the dogs cowered in their baskets. Tauriel continued to load up the catapult, her progress taking her ever closer to the sleeping Kili. 

 

"It must be magic!" Gimli shouted over the racket. 

 

"What's happening!?" Tauriel called in distress. 

 

The cabbages meet the same fate as the tomatoes and a handful of onions were soon to join them. 

 

"Fili let's stop!" Tauriel begged. 

  
  
"We've got to stop!" Legolas shouted in some fear now as they continued despite their words. 

 

"Let's stop!" Gimli agreed, his hands now covered in the green goo that was fast approaching its explosion end. 

 

"Well stop if you want to then!" Fili called back angrily, his face a bright angry red from trying to let go the spoon in his whirling hands. 

 

"We can't!" Was the responding call.

  
  
"It's her fault!" Tauriel shrieked, pointing an accusing finger at Gandalf who looked back with an almost offended expression at being accused. 

 

"It all started when she banged that stick!" Gimli added over his now bubbling potion. 

 

"I can't stop!" Legolas called plaintively, watching as a dead turkey was added to the catapult.

 

"Slow down!" Gimli called out as the bird thrown through the air to a watery grave in the raging pots.

 

"Fili!" Tauriel called to their leader, her eyes wide with fear. 

 

"Come on then, whoever you are." Fili hotly yelled to an unimpressed Gandalf. "Let's stop all this and go to bed."

 

Tauriel was approaching Kili, wrapping her arms around him. 

 

"Say please," Gandalf replied slowly. 

 

"I never say please!" Fili snarled back. 

 

"Very well." Gandalf made to turn, his tone curling with resentment. 

 

Around the kitchen, however, the sentiment was not shared. 

 

"Please!" Gimli called along with Tauriel in beseeching voices. 

 

"Put Kili down!" Fili shouted, even as Tauriel fought against herself as she lifted him. 

 

"Wait!" Legolas shouted to the grey overcoat who paused in the doorway. 

 

"Say it!" Legolas ordered to Fili who was fighting with his pride. 

 

"Actually Fili would you because this baby is gonna blow!" Gimli begged, the bubbling reaching new heights as he tipped more powders into the forthy liquid. It began to escape the confines of its tin, spreading out across the floor. 

 

"And Kili's going to go in the stockpot!" Legolas cried out fearfully, tears gleamed in Tauriel's eyes even as her friends called at her to stop she could not stop her legs from walking closer and closer to the catapult. The turkey and the cabbages disappeared beneath the surface of the turbulent waters. 

 

"Oh for goodness sake please then!" Fili screamed, finally giving in. 

 

Finally, Gandalf turned his head back to fix the boy with a steely gaze as he mixed furiously. 

  
  
"Take Kili off me!" Tauriel called in the background. 

 

"Please, Gandalf." He replied, Fili glared at him with such ferocity as could have melted steel. 

 

"Tauriel don't!" Legolas howled as Tauriel lay Kili into the basket of the catapult and began to ascend to jump. 

  
  
"Say it!" She wailed in terror. 

 

"Take Kili out!" Gimli shouted.

  
  
"Don't Tauriel!" Legolas screamed. 

 

"Say it!" Tauriel begged in fright. "Fili!" 

 

Gandalf continued to lock gazes with Fili, seemingly indifferent to the tragic event that was about to occur. Fili had never had someone, not even Thorin, challenge his will in such a manner. Gandalf's eyebrow twitched upwards, Fili could almost hear him asking. "Well, what will it be?" 

 

"I can't stop myself!" 

  
  
Fili gulped and surrendered. "Please, Gandalf." He said softly. 

 

When Fili finally spoke, Gandalf's lips curled into a smile even as Tauriel shrieked that she was about to jump. 

 

His cane rose once more, creaking like the wood of a ship upon a rough sea amongst many events. Gimli's yelled as his bomb finally exploded throwing up his hands in horror as the liquid burst to life, Tauriel jumped and Kili started to fly as the kitchen was filled with jade green smoke. No one saw the sliver sparks nor near the woosh as Gandalf's cane hit the floor again. 

 

{} 

 

There were no screams of pain, no lighting and no more shouting. It seemed to all happen in a blink, one minute there was pandemonium, and then next there was a great wind sucking all the green smoke behind Gandalf who stood through it as calm as a lighthouse in a raging sea. The smoke varnished behind him and all was calm. 

 

"Blimey." Legolas whispered. 

 

"Up to bed please, the rest of you shall return home." Gandalf ordered, now standing in the kitchen that was clean, tidy and lacking in any of the madness that seemed to have existed only a moment ago. The children were lined up along the wall, Kili was awake and rubbing his eyes next to his brother. It was as if none of it had ever happened... 

  
  
The children cast looks around the room, to each other and then to Gandalf before filling out the room one by one. Only Fili lingered, giving Gandalf one last hard look. 

  
  
Gandalf watched them ascend and then turned to the inhabitants fo the kitchen. "Goodnight Mr Bombur." Then with a swept of his coat, he took to the stairs, nodding to Bilbo as he came down who looked as though the world he knew had just woken up from a nap. 

 

{} 

 

"I would have thought they would have come down to at least steal some biscuits when Mr Durin said they were not allowed any supper." Bilbo commented, seating himself alongside Bombur and reaching for the rounded yellow teapot in the centre of the table. 

  
  
"They wouldn't dare." Bombur replied, twirling his a strand from his great ginger beard round one finger merrily. "I have it in writing."

  
  
Bilbo smiled but hide it behind his teacup. 


	6. The Measles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a bout of 'measles' and a rather sweet moment between Thorin and Bilbo, how will the Professor deal with the children on his first day?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Making up for a lack of posting, thus I intend to write and post as much as possible! Onwards!

Kili fingered the hairpin lovingly, watching the pearly hand glimmer alongside the small bells on the end. He was so distracted by the bells that the smooth surface slipped through his fingers and into the cooling water of the sink. He gave a small gasp and fished it out, rubbing off the water on his pyjamas. Phew, it hadn't been damaged. They had clothes and photographs of their mother but she had loved this hairpin, his father had supposedly made it for her and Kili could remember the jingle of bells announcing and following her as she walked through the house when he was younger.

 

Storing it safely into his pocket, Kili picked up his toothbrush and began to brush his teeth when Fili came marching through the door and fixed him with a look of horror. 

 

"What an earth are you doing?" 

 

"I'm getting ready for bed...?" Kili replied, his brow furrowing with confusion. 

  
  
"But..." 

  
  
"That's what he told us to do." Kili added, washing off his brush. 

 

"And since when have we decided to do as we're told?" Fili demanded, closing the bathroom and leaning against it. 

 

"Since we nearly got cook blown up, wrecked the kitchen and I nearly got cooked." Kili replied, scowling at Fili. 

 

"May I remind you of something?" Kili watched as Fili began to pace in a manner that he was sure was copied from Uncle Thorin when he was pacing in his study. "We got rid of the last seventeen nannies and we're going to get rid of this one." 

 

{} 

 

Later, when Gandalf came to check on the boys, he found them leaping across the room to each other's beds and shrieking when he swept silently into the room. At his presence, the boys quickly began to move to their beds through they chatted and moved as slow as they could manage. They pulled up the covers and looked at Gandalf expectedly when they finally fell silent. 

 

Gandalf hummed. 

 

He moved into the room, walking down the little walkway that separated the boy's beds. He looked over at Kili, buried beneath blankets and quilts and then to Fili who sat smirking on his cover. 

 

"You must feel it such a disadvantage Gandalf." Fili mused. 

 

Gandalf's keen gaze turned to him, ignoring the barely concealed giggles of Kili behind him. "In what way?" 

 

"We know you're name, but you don't know ours." Kili's giggling only increased as Fili took on what he thought was a very serious expression. 

 

Fili stuck out his hand. "I'm Oglington Fartworthy, at your service." Kili's laughter began in earnest. However, Gandalf's face remained as serious as if he was being introduced to their grandfather. And Fili had it on good authority that his grandfather was a scary man. 

 

"How do you do." Gandalf replied, taking Fili's hand and shaking it firmly. 

 

Fili wondered how his obvious mischief had gone amiss, that never failed to work and send the nannies into a rage.   


"That's F-A-R-T-worthy." He dictated loudly, pushing for a reaction.

 

Gandalf gave a little nod and turned to Kili who drew breath to reply. 

  
  
"Sandra." He intoned before collapsing into giggles. Fili began to laugh as well, but Gandalf merely waited and started till he had Kili's attention and then leaned forward to whisper. 

 

"Goodnight Kili." Kili dropped his gaze, fingering the pearly hairpin as their grand joke fell through. Fili's mouth dropped open in shock. Then Gandalf turned back to Fili and intoned likewise. 

 

"Goodnight Fili." 

  
  
After that, he left the silent and stunned boys and sauntered down the stairs of their bedroom before pausing and resting his hands atop his cane.

 

"There is something you must understand about the way I work." His gaze seemed to fix them in a place like they had been frozen solid. "When you need me but do not want me then I must stay. But what you want me but no longer need me then I must go."

 

Neither of them said a word. 

 

"It's rather sad really but there it is." Gandalf gave a small sigh and turned to leave. 

 

"We will never want you!" Fili spat out viciously to the retreating back. 

 

Gandalf paused once more. 

 

"Then I will never go." He asserted ominously. "Goodnight children." The lights flickering to the darkness behind his disappearing footsteps. 

 

{} 

 

"How did he know our names?" Kili whispered nervously into the darkness. "No one ever knows our names."

 

"Magic?" Fili answered.

  
  
"Witchcraft?" Kili countered. 

  
  
"It doesn't matter." Fili declared decisively. "We're getting rid of her tomorrow."

 

{} 

 

It was not the first time that Thorin had fallen asleep in his armchair. He also doubted it would be the last. If it was early in the evening and Bilbo found him he would be woken and sent to bed with a fond smile. Perhaps even a mocking scolding about what it would do to his back, Thorin would then comment that he and Bilbo were the same age. Bilbo would point out his grey hairs and they would continue down the familiar path.

 

If it was late, then he would wake in the morning with neck pains and a blanket tucked around him by Bilbo. Thorin would smile at this and give a small chuckle when Bilbo tutted at him over breakfast and teased him by telling what he had been muttering about in his sleep. Thorin wasn't sure which he treasured more. 

 

At present, he was asleep in his armchair, newspaper providing as his blanket and was muttering away. However... He had the displeasure of being startled awake by the sight of Gandalf seemingly appearing at his side out of thin air rather than the curled cherub who had stolen his heart upon their first meeting.

 

"What!? Wh-?" He shuffled up his chair, pushing aside his paper rapidly in an attempt to look dignified. 

  
  
"I did knock." Gandalf cheerfully explained, far too happy for Thorin's sleep mind to contend with in a positive manner. 

  
  
"Of course." He replied gruffly, rubbing his hand through his beard. Damn professor, he had certainly crept up on him, Thorin was sure people didn't just simply appear of nowhere. 

 

"The children are in bed and asleep." Gandalf declared calmly, overlooking Thorin's rough mood. 

 

"Excellent." Thorin replied distractedly before catching onto what had been said. "What?" His eyes widened in shock as he looked at Gandalf. 

  
Gandalf hummed in an unimpressed manner. 

 

In bed? Asleep? Surely not? The boys never went to sleep willingly, not unless they ran themselves ragged or Bilbo was able to persuade them with methods that only he knew how to use. 

 

"Good grief..." He whispered in shock. 

  
  
"I will see myself to my room, goodnight Mr Durin." Gandalf stated and swept from the room leaving Thorin to chase after him when his braid processed its shock. 

 

He chased the trailing grey coat into the hallway, honestly, it felt like he spent half his life chasing this damn professor. 

  
  
"Wait!" Gandalf paused on the stairs, covered in shadow. "Wait, what are you're terms?"

 

"You're children require five lessons." Gandalf began, Thorin nodded and folded his arms. 

  
  
"Lesson one, to go to bed when they are told is complete." Thorin felt his body take a breath once more if one lesson was already done then how hard could the next ones be? 

 

"As for my terms, I take Sunday afternoon off." His lips curled into a smile and Thorin nodded as well. "Goodnight." The professor concluded, sweeping up the stairs. 

 

Thorin was left at the bottom, watching him ascend and wondering why he felt like there wasn't something quite right with that man. Something... Extradionariy. 

 

{} 

 

The next morning dawned bright with sunshine, blue skies and not even a hint of what had occurred the before. Birds tweeted and sang to each other while the field outside the house was filled with flowers and bees hurrying from buds to chase the sweet nectar. In the back of the garden, there was a pig munching and snuffling its way through the grass. Beside this pig, there was a treehouse. 

 

It was a good treehouse, built on a platform with a large old window to left in light, an old tiled roof and wooden walls with a ladder to get in and out. Thorin had built it when back when the boys had been even smaller than they were, telling their mother that every child needed a good treehouse. It was slightly old and a little worn out, but it had provided the scene for great adventures, midnight feasts and all manner of mischief.

 

Dis at the time had laughed and commented that she wasn't sure if he wasn't building a treehouse for him and Dwalin rather than the boys. Dwalin had laughed himself silly while Thorin had scowled mightly. 

 

{} 

 

"Time to get up." Gandalf stated firmly at the door of the children's room. He had lost his hat and overcoat but had donned a sort of trailing grey cape that gave him quite a magical appearance. This went unnoticed by the children who had not moved at the order. 

 

Fili moaned and rolled over in his sleep, Gandalf hummed in disapproval and began to pace along the room. 

 

"I shall give you half an hour to be washed, dressed, teeth cleaned, beds made, and out into the garden for helpful fresh air before breakfast." His tone was that of a commander ordering his troops into battle.

  
"Lessons start at nine. Sharp." He concluded, making another sweeping exit from the room.

 

Fili rolled over and gave another groan at the thought of leaving his warm nest. "I don't know about you guys, but I want to stay in bed."

 

Kili hummed his agreement and blinked open his eyes with all the alertness of a creature coming out of hibernation.

  
  
"I'll get the chalk and the crayons. You run the thermometer under the hot water and bring the pepper." Fili ordered, watching Kili smile and salute before scampering slowly to his tasks. This was a practised routine. 

 

"How can you be sure she won't do anything horrible to us?" Kili called from the bathroom.

  
"I worked it all out." Fili sat up and stretched, pushing back his golden bedhead of braids and curls. "She a trained hypnotist, that's how she made us do all those things last night. Just don't look directly at her and she won't be able to hypnotism us." 

  
  
"Ohhhhh!" Kili smiled happily as he returned, trusting as the young are in the judgement of their older siblings. What could go wrong?

 

{} 

 

Thorin was enjoying a quiet breakfast in his study, this was a long-established routine in the house no matter how long Dis had tried to get him to eat breakfast with the rest of them. However Thorin would not budge, and Dis as smart as she was, soon worked out why. With everyone away at breakfast, Thorin was able to sneak little moments, conversations and sometimes even a cup of tea with Bilbo in his study over breakfast.

  
  
Yes, he had been teased, yes he knew he was being positively ridiculous but he couldn't help but treasure these little moments. They were precious jewels where the lines between employer and servant were blurred and they interacted well... As friends, more than friends. Thorin knew he had flirted a little in these morning meetings and Bilbo, to the best of his knowledge, had responded likewise. 

 

He sipped his tea, thanking the heavens again that Bilbo had become a part of their lives for Bombur for all his culinary expertise could not make a cup of tea to save his life. Dis had been banned with the kitchen along with her husband due to their tendencies to be able to create nightmares from seemingly innocent ingredients. Thus, that left Bilbo to bring him his perfect cup of tea, though he had not been banned from the kitchen he was not allowed to use the stove for fear of burning down the house as he had almost done when he was twenty-three and had tried to make toast. 

 

"Good morning Mr Durin." Bilbo said, beaming at him as he scurried in to remove his tray. Thorin's heart gave a traitorous flutter at the angelic smile but he could not stop the smile that pulled at his own face. 

 

"I'm off to work early this morning." He replied, cursing himself for such a boring statement as Bilbo covered the teapot with a hideously printed tea cosy. "There's at the great deal to do at the station, some burglaries over the next town have to be cleared up and an old man died of a sudden heart attack. Thankfully it's nothing that's nothing we have to look into." 

  
  
"Oh, the poor man." Bilbo sighed slightly, and moved to pick up the tray but was prevented when Thorin scrambled to grab the last piece of toast. Bilbo gave a small sigh and returned the tray to the desk so Thorin could continue. 

 

"Oh yes, of course, that too." He agreed around bites of toast before he noticed that Bilbo had started to smirk.

  
  
"What?" 

  
  
"You have jam on you're face Thorin." Bilbo replied, tapping the left-hand corner of his mouth. Thorin reached up and tried to brush it away, he didn't succeed as Bilbo only smiled wider. 

 

"May I?" He inquired softly, reaching up slowly. Thorin felt his lung constricted as if he had been clamped like it had been put into a vice and gave a tiny nod.

 

Bilbo's thumb was soft, almost as gentle as a butterfly as it brushed over his skin to remove the tart-sweet liquid. The touch was barely there but Thorin felt it burn against his skin like hot coals. His eyes roamed Bilbo's face, whose gaze had been focused upon his mouth then moved to catch his own. 

 

Thorin's heart skipped a beat as the silence of the morning suddenly turned heavy. Bilbo's still hadn't moved back, having leaned across the desk to reach him. They were a few inches apart, Thorin felt his eyes flicker down to Bilbo's lips. How easy it would be, so very easy... 

 

The moment seemed to grow heavier till they both blinked at the thump from upstairs. Thorin felt the blood rush to his cheeks and his brain scrambled while Bilbo went a beautiful shade of crimson and hastily stepped back.

 

"There, now you are presentable. Have a good day Thorin." He squeaked, terribly flustered and dashed out the room. Thorin tried to open his mouth to reassure him but no sound came out. 

 

The door snapped shut and he was left alone once more. 

 

"Well, that was... Interesting... He never calls me Thorin." He mentioned to the chair, reaching up with his fingers to brush the numb skin where Bilbo had touched him. Heaven help him he was so far gone. 

 

"Don't look at me like that..." He growled at the chair, almost hearing Dis laughing at his foolishness. 

 

{} 

 

 He pulled open a drawer to collect his notebook and upon resurfacing found himself facing Gandalf once more. Again, he seemed to have appeared out of thin air. 

  
  
Thorin narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously. Gandalf merely huffed. 

  
  
"I did knock." He said in an indignant tone.

 

"Did you? I didn't hear." Thorin swung his head back to the door and then back to Gandalf. "I was talking to.." His hand had moved to point to the chair but then he trailed off, realising how foolish that would look to a stranger. 

 

"Never mind."

 

Gandalf turned his head slightly to the side in a questioning manner but said nothing about it.

 

"I believe the children will be staying in bed today." 

 

"The children?" Thorin asked in surprise, worry curling through his stomach. "Are they ill? All-day? What's wrong?" He was aware he was babbling and could not help himself. 

 

"Nothing is wrong, I know precisely what to do. Please leave it to me." Gandalf reassured him, leaving Thorin with a sense of unease but he had unable to offer a counter-argument. 

  
  
"Well... You managed them so splendidly last night, if they are under the weather though do give them what they want. Ice cream. Jelly. Such like." Thorin ticked off the last as he continued to rummage, collecting everything he needed for the day and missing Gandalf's look of disapproval. 

 

"My late sister, her mother, she was very particular in that regard. If ever they were sick then she would wait on them hand and foot." Thorin smiled fondly at the memory of watching Dis scurry around the house picking up particular blankets for when Fili had the flu or reading to Kili for long hours into the night when he had measles to stop him scratching them. "She used to wait on them hand and foot. Even if they weren't ill at all." 

  
  
"I shall be sure to give them exactly what they need." Gandalf assured calmy. 

 

"Excellent. Excellent." Thorin felt a smile curl his lips, feeling that for the first time that he might not be called home today due to the children pull some terrible prank or mischief. "I'll be off to work then." 

 

With that Thorin strode from the room, hurrying off into the peaceful sunlight while his thoughts were awash with turmoil. 

 

Gandalf remained behind for a few moments, then he turned to the chair and gave a low bow. Finally, he left the room, his cape fluttering behind him in the morning light. 

 

{} 

 

Upstairs, the boys were scrambling to be ready for the arrival of their latest nanny. 

  
  
"He's coming!" Kili called, running back to bed. Fili nodded and stuffed the crayon under his pillow to hide the evidence. "Remember don't look into his eyes!" 

 

When Gandalf ascended to the top of the stairs he found both boys still in bed, their faces were chalk white with bright red dots covering their skin.

  
  
"Oh dear." He remarkedly dryly. 

 

"I can't get up." Kili declared in his best sick voice, wavering the thermometer. 

  
  
"I think it might be measles." Fili added, attempting to sound like he had a blocked nose. 

 

"Well, of course, there is no question of you getting up. I'm very sorry to tell you all but you'll just have to stay in bed." These words were met with growing smiles from both boys and ballooning happiness before they reminded themselves that they were supposed to be sick. 

 

Gandalf turned to leave, but paused and gave a small chuckle of amusement. His cane raised with a creak and came down with a thump, scattering sparks across the floor. Then he descended the stairs once more. 

 

{} 

 

When the boys had been sure he was gone, they peeked out from under their duvets and shared a smile. They had outsmarted him! They began to giggle, quietly at first but then outright laughing as they drank down their triumph. For a few moments, this continued until they were no longer laughing... 

 

Kili rubbed over his chest, feeling suddenly too hot. His throat hurt too. "Fili... I don't feel well." 

  
  
"Don't be silly." Fili replied, stubbornly ignoring the stomach appear at the headache that had suddenly appeared. 

 

Then Kili tried to get up. He kicked, fought and even tried to roll out of bed but it was no use. 

 

"Fili I can't get up!" He started to kick, pinwheeling like an upside beetle. 

  
  
"You must have looked at him!" Fili replied, finding with horror that he couldn't get out of bed either. 

  
  
"I was under the covers the whole time!" Kili shouted, fighting against his mattress. 

 

"I can't get up!" Fili cried at his uselessness, thumping his mattress repeatedly to see if it would free him. 

 

This continued for a few more moments until both of the boys surrendered to the sudden exhaustion that overtook them. 

  
  
"Hypnosis huh? Doesn't look like it." Kili declared with a scowl. 

 

Fili gave his mattress another savage thump before flopping back onto it defeated. 

 

{} 

 

In town, everyday life was progressing as to how one would expect. Carts and horses rattled back, men tipped ladies with their hats and shoppers browsed windows in the early hours of the day. Thorin reached work, changed into his uniform and progressed to his desk which seemed to be a permanent tray of paperwork. 

 

Underneath their desks, however, Nori and Dori popped up to greet him. 

  
  
"Morning Thorin!" They hollered, this had no effect on Thorin who merely propped his feet up and gave them a bemused smile. This was a long-running joke, that one day the brothers would be able to scary Thorin. They had little success but they ever enthusiastic. 

 

"Thought we'd get you that time." They said in a delighted tone, smirking as they climbed into their chairs.   


 

"No not this time." Thorin replied, rifling through a file.

 

"Nice tea dance Thorin?" Dorin probed causally.

 

"No, never even made it. Nephews." Thorin said with a sigh of irritation that had the brothers exchanging looks. Thorin's friends were obsessed with trying to find him a partner, thus they were as nosy as his sister had been in his non-existent love life. 

 

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's not the justice business you should be in. It should be christening." Nori called from his desk, which Thorin defined with a scowl even as the brothers sniggered over their paperwork.

 

{} 

 

When the pair had quietened down, Thorin moved to fill in the paperwork for the death of Mr Barrows but was delayed by the crisp white envelope that had arrived with his breakfast marked with a seal of gold wax. Thorin only knew one man who used a gold wax seal. Uncle Thrór. Thorin privately wished that in his darkest moments that the man would drown in his all his wealth and gold. 

 

Opening it with the care of one opening an unexploded bomb, he started to read across the words. 

 

_"Thorin, let me not beat about the bush, you're children are out of control. They need a mother and you require a wife, if you are not married then steps will have to be taken."_

  
  
Thorin gulped, pushing back the urge to vomit at the harsh reminder of the contract laid before him. Contract, it was a death sentence. With less than a month to go... He looked up to the heavens for a moment and prayed for divine intervention. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh, dear. He wasn't nearly drunk enough for this. He would have to marry her. She would have to be the one. The dreadfully one. 

 

He turned his gaze to his fellow policemen and swallowed down the urge to vomit before he asked what he needed.

  
  
"Do you remember the name of that..." How best to phrase this? "Enthusiastic woman last year? Mrs Sack-Hill? Mrs Vill?" 

  
  
The brother's faces melted into horror at the recollection. 

 

"Mrs Sackville-Baggins?" Dori near whispered and Nori swatted him on the arm as if speaking the name would bring the woman here.

  
  
"Oh don't..." He groaned in pain, Dori covered his face while Nori moved to clench his hands into claws. 

  
  
"Oh Mr Durin, _you are a saint. You have a lovely look of kindness about you._ _What I won't give for a man like you in my hour of need._ He imitated in a nasal voice. Thorin could almost seem the frizzy brown locks and frog-like mouth turned up into a smirking grin.

 

"That one?" 

  
  
"Yes that one." Thorin affirmed in a pained tone.

 

"We concluded Mr Sackville-Baggins's death was of natural causes and he was buried last autumn." Nori continued. 

 

"Poor devil." Dori interjected. 

 

"He was happy to go." The pair finished with venom. 

  
  
"And he was her third!" Dori added in a scandalised tone.

 

"You don't happen to know if she ever..." Thorin picked at a small splinter in his desk to avoid their gaze. "Re-married? Number four?" He attempted to chuckle but the brothers only looked more concerned. 

 

"Oh Thorin, you're not thinking what you're thinking are you?" Dori asked in a cautious tone. 

 

"Oh no! Certainly not." Thorin replied, snorting in his best attempt to look repulsed by the very thought of what exactly he was intending to do. "No. No. No, no, no. What a thought." Thorin then buried himself in paperwork, trying to ignore the silent conversation between the two brothers over his head. 

 

{} 

 

"What's that?!" Kili cried out in horror as Gandalf cried a black bottle to their bedsides with the words 'Measles' written across it in an aged label. The bottle was so dark Kili and Fili couldn't even see any liquid inside. 

 

"Measle medicine, to be administered every once an hour." Gandalf replied. 

 

"I'm not sure it is measles." Fili said in a nervous tone, eye up to the bottle with apprehension. 

 

"How could it be anything else?" Gandalf replied in amazement. "The chalky white faces, the livid spots and the temperatures of a hundred and twenty degrees." He rested his fingers on Kili's forehead only to hear a small sizzle and drew them back rapidly to blow on them. 

 

"I've seen it time and again." He concluded and moved to sit by Fili's bed. "Measles. Definitely"

 

Then he pulled out a wide sliver spoon and began to pour... Something. Fili wasn't even sure it could have been described as a liquid. It oozed, dripped and slunk it's way from the bottle onto the spoon to form an undulating black mass of nightmares. It even made sounds! Fili and Kili shared a look and groaned in disgust as one.

 

"Open." Gandalf commanded, levelling the spoon near Fili's mouth. 

 

"Fili don't!" Kili whispered from his bed. 

  
  
"I'm not taking that." Fili said with conviction.

 

"But then you will not get any better." Gandalf replied. "Believe me, now open wide." 

  
  
Fili gulped and took another look a the vile substance on the spoon. 

  
  
"Open wide."

 

Against his will, Fili began to open his mouth. It was slow as an ice cap melting but he opened his mouth none the less. 

 

"Wider." Gandalf commanded firmly. 

 

Before Fili knew it, the spoon was in his mouth and so was-the-horror-from-the-bottle, it moved and almost fought against his mouth. It was foul! Hideous! Sickening! Fili lurched forward, his gag reflex aching to spit the gruesome stuff from his mouth. Gandalf hummed and turned to move to Kili's bedside who had drawn up the covers in horror at the sight. 

 

"You'll have to swallow it at some point, so I suggest you get it over with." He added, pouring forth Kili's portion as Fili struggled to swallow it down. 

 

Finally, when he did Fili was left with the taste in his mouth and what felt like grit coating his tongue. He spat and coughed, trying in vain to rid himself of it. 

  
  
"Very well done. Kili you are next." Gandalf congratulated him, holding out a spoonful to Kili who quivered as much as the substances did. 

 

{} 

 

Bilbo was as ever a creature of habit, in a moment of peace within the house, he would scurry off and settle down to read whatever book he had picked up or found. Bilbo loved to read, perhaps it was his favourite hobby though gardening, writing and taking care of the boys came close. Oh and cooking! Thus had Bilbo hidden away on a little balcony atop an upside-down bucket. 

 

This is where Gandalf choose to startle him by appearing out of thin air once more. Bilbo had been wrapped up in a world of ballgowns, music, stars and far away places for some moments before Gandalf's quiet cough caused him to leap out of his skin. 

  
  
"Oh! Gandalf! Good morning." He squeaked, quickly brushing himself down and standing as Gandalf leant forward on his cane. 

  
  
"What do you mean?" Gandalf enquire. "Do you mean to wish me a good morning or that it is a good morning whether I want it to be or not?" 

  
  
Bilbo looked at him in a stumped manner.

 

"Or perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning. Or are you stating that this is a morning to be good?" He finished, smirking a little as Bilbo felt his brain try to formulate an appropriate response. 

 

"All of them at once I suppose." Damn Gandalf, the man was like a wizard. 

  
  
When silence filled the air, Bilbo took the lead to make conversation. 

 

"I was reading ahead in the book I'm reading with Kili, to help him." 

 

"That is good." Gandalf asserted in a surprised but pleasant tone. 

 

"They're both good, underneath the mischief." Bilbo replied, regretting how a note of defensiveness crept into his words. 

 

"A favourite of yours?" Gandalf replied, motioning to the book bound in a scarlet coat. Bilbo passed it across without hesitation, the sliver font flashing in the sun. 

 

"I am not sure yet, though I think it will become one. I've just started it." He was stammering, why was he stammering? Gandalf looked over the book, his eyebrows raising a little surprise at the title before returning it to Bilbo who curled around it protectively. 

 

"The stepmother is a truly terrible woman." Bilbo commented, the sight of one of his cousin coming to mind before he banished her with a shudder. 

 

"Oh indeed." Gandalf agreed with firm conviction.

 

"It's a shame story are not about real people, though she may be just a servant I'm sure he'll find out that she's really an educated lady. Then he'll fall for her." Bilbo finished happily, a touch unnerved when he saw how widely Gandalf seemed to be smiling. 

 

"You must read it and find out." He replied mysteriously. 

  
  
"But he could never love a servant, they would be worthless and beneath him." Bilbo added, collecting his broom, bucket and book and moving into the house to finish his chores. "I must be off, I will see you later Gandalf." He called back, beaming at Gandalf who gave him a weary sigh in reply at his retreating figure. 

 

{} 

 

Bombur was rolling out the pastry for lunch, he didn't have much time to waste. So at the sudden appearance of the professor Bombur simply looked him up and down and accepted it. he had better things to be doing rather than pondering over disappearing or appearing professors in his kitchen. 

 

"Buttered spuds for lunch with boiled beef, apple pie and custard." He flipped over the dough and continued to roll it firmly, but Gandalf's hum of acceptance made him pause in his actions. Something was afoot...

 

"The children will require something a little more austere." Gandalf said after a moment's reflection. 

  
  
Bombur's rolling pin was laid to rest and he folded his arms, waiting for further explanation.

 

"The children are not quite themselves, Mr Bombur."

  
  
Bombur felt a headache begin to throb at the back of his head. 

  
  
"Oh marvellous, I suppose they will be wanting all manner of sweets and puddings. Raspberry tart, ice cream and lord only know's what else, I had better get cracking." He wiped down his hands and hurried to grab some tart cases from the side, followed by a jar of flour. 

 

"Bilbo! I do wonder where that lad goes half the time. It'll be snowing in August by the time he's where you need him to be." Bombur gave a great huff, mentally running through his recipes and comparing them to his ingredients before Gandalf could get a word in. 

 

"Calm yourself Mr Bombur, I am in charge today." His tone slowed Bombur's frantic movements and drew his attention. "I understand you were once in the armed forces?"

  
  
Bombur felt his spine turn rigid and was forced to use his other hand to snatch down his other one from saluting as the trumpets blared in his mind.

 

"Yes, Sir I was, cooked in a training camp in Gloucestershire. I kept those boys healthy and fit, yes I did." Bombur could nearly feel his chest expanded with pride as he remembered his days at the camp. 

  
"I'm sure you did." Gandalf agreed.  "Perhaps a broth of some sort for the children, you must be an expert." 

 

"Best thing was potato peeling gruel, made them groan but by the lord, it kept them strong." Bombur replied. 

 

"Are you well supplied with peelings?" Gandalf enquired. 

 

Bombur opened his mouth, his eyes flickering around the kitchen. Peelings... Peelings... Peelings... Then inspiration! The bucket! He dashed as fast as his buckle would allow him and dumped the waste bucket onto the counter.

 

"Plenty of peelings, only a day old!" He looked up but found himself alone in the kitchen. No matter, Bombur could feel the excitement thrumming through his veins as he began to pick and pull the meat, vegetables and bits apart. 

 

"Bit of grisly for flavour, very tasty." He began to laugh maniacally as he put together the broth. 


	7. An Unexpected Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected guest, mischief and mayhem, a golden dream and shocking discovery. The path of happiness nor love never was a quiet one, how far will our characters go to protect those they love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In advance, my apologies for the heartbreak that will occur soon, the feelings shall be strong this chapter! I desperately wanted to portray Thorin's struggle against the pressures of his own family versus that of his heart.

Bombur came up to deliver the broth come stew late evening, much to the horror of Fili who was given something that he would not have described as soup or broth. It looked like a nightmare, not as bad as the black medicine of death, but pretty close. It was grey and murky, a piece of what looked like grey turkey leg was sloped into his bowl along with what looked like... Vegetable peelings? Fili was so shocked that he could hardly speak as Bombur marched between their beds. 

 

"Get that down you, there's a lot of goodness in a turkey leg. That will put the hair's back on you're chest." Bombur proclaimed, serving Kili next who appeared equally as horrified by the presentation. He poked at his bowl with sickened curiosity and Fili gulped hard. Was this a new tactic by the professor? Starvation? 

  
"Smell that. That is the pong that forged this empire." Bombur babbled on, adding another spoonful to Kili's bowl before deciding they were both adequately... fed. "Right men, as you were." He then proceeded to salute and marched from the room, pot in hand. Fili and Kili watched him go with equal looks of amazement before starting to poke at their 'dinner'. 

 

"They really are trying to starve us." Kili commented mournfully from his pillows as he pushed his spoon into the murky water with little enthusiasm. "I wonder how long it will take us to die." Fili nodded in agreement, sighing heavily and fantasizing about the thought of apple pie or custard. Although, when he tried the creation it wasn't too bad. It was... Interesting but not bad. Together, the boys start to eat and eventually finished their bowls before slipping into naps that carried them through till the evening. 

 

{}

 

This would not be ranked as Thorin's proudest moment, it would go alongside the time that he and Dwalin spiked the punch bowl at his grandfather's Christmas party and blamed it on Fernin when the Duke of Southern Lancashire fell over a small coffee table or the time when he covered Dis's dresses in honey and flour so she would be unable to attend a dance with Thraudil because Thorin knew the charming sneering blonde was trouble. 

 

No, sneaking through the station in the late hours of the evening would not be regarded as one of Thorin's finest moments. The station was long since quiet, everything was cast into shadow as the evening rolled its way through the merry little town. Thorin crept past empty desks and past shadowed doors till he reached their 'Records Room'. This was the most organised area of the station thanks to Dori's brother Ori. 

 

Ori officially was the town priest but was left with little to do beyond the Sunday service unless there was an event to be held or a couple to be married. This left him with both a great deal of time and a desire to be useful, thus once a month Thorin left Ori in the Records Room to help organise their ever-growing cabinets of cases, files and records to his heart's desire. Dori and Nori had not been so fortunate to inherit the tidy gene from their parents, while Ori left the records in such an organised state that would have put many a library to shame. And as long as no one found out, then what people didn't know wouldn't hurt them. 

 

Thus, Thorin found himself rifling through the cases that fluttered and whispered beneath his fingers like paper birds to the murky glow of his gas lamp. Shadowed figures strolled by the dark windows out for business or pleasure in the evening of the sleepy little town. Thank-goodness for the alphabet otherwise Thorin was sure he would have been lost, however, a small part of his heart wished that he would not come across the file. That it had been lost, left or removed due to divine intervention. The part of him that still dreamed of meeting an entirely different Baggins at the altar. 

 

Alas, the fates were not alined to be so. Thorin's fingers closed around the correct file and pulled out the address written in Dori's elegant hand; 

 

_'Mrs Sackville-Baggins, 3 Cucumber Lane, Tortledige'_

 

He gave a small curse and scowled up at the heavens for not having removed the file, was there even a God? His eyes rolled over the name, feeling as though he was looking at his future through a crystal ball. By heaven, it was repulsive. He could almost hear the cackling laugh and simpering voice that could very well be the voice of his future bride. 

 

{}

 

The boys seemed to have an innate ability to turn their beds into a sort of nest consisting of stuffed animals, blankets and colourful quilts. It was quite a feat and utterly adorable, Bilbo privately hoped that they never grew out of it. It was the sight that greeted him when he ascended the stairs to check on them, it was complete as well with the softly dozing faces peeking out from the covers. 

 

"Have you lazy lumps been in day all day?" Bilbo enquired cheerfully, meandering over to straighten Kili's blanket's and to peer down at him. 

 

"Bilbo!" Kili cried out joyfully, wriggling higher up his pillow to smile at him. 

 

Bilbo began to smile back but then saw the chalky white marks and streaks of red wax on the boy's face. He reached down, tenderly brushing away the boy's dark chocolate hair, almost as dark as Thorin's to rub away some of the wax smudges that were left.

 

"You've been doing 'measles' haven't you?" Bilbo tutted disapprovingly and gave Kili a stern look as he pouted. Lord save him, that pout could be used as a weapon for the British Empire. 

 

Fili pushed himself out of bed, scowling with indignation.

 

"The situation is very simple Bilbo, the professor who in my opinion is a wizard made us ill and feed us boiled down toads all day." He proclaimed, to which Bilbo rolled his eyes at the ridiculous statement and tutted at his as well. What active imaginations these children had. Wizards and spells? Whatever next? Mountains and dragons?

 

"Professor Gandalf is not a wizard, and you're very naughty to say so Fili." He replied, patting the boy's head none the less and peeking into the bowl to see what Bombur had been serving them. It did not look appetising, Bilbo wasn't even sure if it could be considered food. he gave it a poke with a spoon and decided against such an action encase it was something... Strange... 

 

"I'm sure she knew what she was doing, she's fully trained." Bilbo asserted with confidence, it seemed better to not question the strange and highly mysterious ways of Gandalf for one's safety. 

 

"Yes, but as what?" Fili countered with all the slyness of a child defending his argument.

 

Bilbo gave a small chuckle, such precious boys. Never get any older. Then he was summoned to Kili's side who had squirmed and wriggled his way all out of his nest to look at Bilbo with pleading eyes and a terrible bed head. It might be a family trait, Bilbo had glimpsed Thorin in such a state once or twice before he braided and tied up his long locks. Unlike current fashions, the Duirn family and many of their friends choose to grow their hair long, much to the torture of Bilbo who had long desired to run his fingers through Thorin's hair. 

 

"I'm unbelievably hungry Bilbo, will you please get us something to eat?" Kili begged, his eyes as wide as saucers, but it was the please that caught Bilbo's attention. The boys never said please, only in the darkest moments had he heard a, please. He had supposed they had picked it up from Thorin who also never seemed to say please.

 

"Did you just say please?" Bilbo asked in quiet amazement, leaning forward to the pale figure wrapped in blankets so he might be heard better. There was ever chance he had imagined it.

 

The pleases were then echoed, both by Kili and Fili. "Please, please Bilbo." These please ended with the twin footsteps of Gandalf and Thorin entering the room to check on the state of the children. Bilbo's breath caught a little at the sight of Thorin, his heart skipping around his chest at the slightly crinkled suit that Thorin supported after a long day at work. It was unfair how handsome he could look even in wrinkles, his tender look towards the boys stole Bilbo's breath away. 

 

{}

 

Thorin had met Gandalf on the stairs and ascended with him, his heart warmed by the sight of Bilbo leaning over the boys with all the gentleness of a parent. Bilbo had always treated his nephews as if they were his own, something that made Thorin's heart all the more painfully for him. He would make the boys so happy, educate and love them as they should be. It felt like needles were being stabbed through his heart every time he saw them together, sweet torture. 

 

"Children, I hear you've been unwell, but you're better now." Bilbo quickly moved about the room, collecting the bowels and spare blankets as Thorin surveyed the children fondly.

 

"It wasn't our fault." Fili replied indignantly from his bed, even rising to his elbows with a scowl in place to declare his argument. Gandalf raised his eyebrows at Fili in surprise at his words but Thorin did not see this as Gandalf had placed himself behind Thorin's shoulder. 

 

"I'm sure it wasn't anyone's fault Fili, good lord." Thorin replied in confusion.  "You can't help it if you're ill, but you're better now." As Thorin finished his sentence, Gandalf's stick rose but a few centimetres off the ground and slammed down with a soft thump against the floor.

 

The familiar sparks spread across the floor, releasing the children from their spell. Fili sat up slowly while Kili sat up like a spring, beaming as the effects worn off him rapidly. 

 

"Uncle Thorin." He called out pleading. "Now that we're better, can we get up please?" Fili echoed right behind him, stunning Thorin to silence and leaving Bilbo looking around him in shock that these were the children that were there this morning and had not been replaced by some sort of changing creature. 

 

Behind Thorin, one of Gandalf's wart's slowly melted away much to the amazement of Fili who started at it suspiciously before Kili interrupted by pulling out a book from his pillow. The cover was so worn, it was barely readable.

 

"Read to us." Kili added, doing his best puppy eyes that caused Thorin's heart to melt into a small puddle before he steeled himself.

  
  
"No, not tonight Kili. I have my letter writing to do." Thorin instantly regretted his decision as the eyes of the room sunk in disappointment. Even Bilbo looked disappointed, and he wasn't the one being denied a story! Behind him, Gandalf's eyes rolled to the heavens.

 

"I'll read to you tomorrow, goodnight my darlings." Thorin echoed, turning to escape back down to his study. 

 

{}

 

Gandalf was not foolish, he could see that the children would brood on this if left without something to brighten their spirits. That would prove detrimental to their relationship, it simply would not do. 

  
  
"Bilbo." He called a twinkle dancing in his eyes once more as merry as a star. "Would you be so kind as to ask cook to make the children some scrambled eggs on toast now they're all feeling so much better?" The children's frowns turned into wide smiles as they shared looks of longing at the thought of a proper meal. 

 

"I'll make it myself, Professor Gandalf. " Bilbo replied, winking at Gandalf as he passed by with the little tower of bowls, bones and spoons that had been the supposed broth that Bombur had created. Bilbo prayed that he was never sick enough to suffer through having to eat it. 

  
{}

 

As Gandalf left to descended, he gave a small smile to the children as he turned. Fili immediately turned to Kili when they were alone waved for his attention as he climbed out of bed. "Kili!" 

  
  
"What?" Kili replied in a loud whisper that only children believe in a secretive tone.  

  
  
"You know those bumpy things on his face?" 

 

  
"Yes, warts right?" 

  
  
"Well, they are supposed to belong to witches but guess what." 

  
  
"What?" Kili urged, nearly quivering with excitement at an impending secret. 

  
  
"One of them is gone!" Fili finished with a dramatic shushing gesture as Kili gasped in shock. 

 

They giggled and whispered over this all through the scrambled eggs Bilbo made for them. However, by the time they had finished the hot chocolate that was also bestowed upon them with a mischievous wink before they could barely keep their eyes from dropping closed. 

 

{}

 

The wrinkled little paper had been turned over and over in Thorin's fingers for the past hour. He hadn't moved past simply staring at the scrap where he had taken down the note of the... Woman's address, it felt like acid to the touch. The ink burned against his skin. Thorin knew he had to start writing, time was slipping through his fingers faster than if it had been the finest of sands. Despite this, every time he moved to pick up his pen to write an invitation, he found he was unable to put the words to paper. 

 

Thus, he had brooded in his sapphire blue study as the moon climbed higher in the sky and the children fell into the deep sleep of innocent dreams. He was alone with only the crackling fire to keep him company until a soft whoosh echoed through the room and he looked up into the crinkled face of Gandalf looming over him. As would any normal man, Thorin started and gave a very manly squeal of fright at the if-by-magic-appearance. 

 

"I did knock." Gandalf intoned with a note of exasperation seeking into his voice. Thorin merely rubbed his head, perhaps he was more tired than he had supposed. It was the stress of the house, work, his soon to be broken heart and rapidly approaching nuptials. 

 

"Of course you did." He replied, wondering why they continued to keep up this pretence of the sake of his sanity. He pulled off his spectacles and sighed wearily, fixing Gandalf with an expectant look. 

 

"Lesson two, to get up when they are told, is complete." The professor informed him cooly, his eyes flickering down to read the paper before Thorin had a chance to hide it. 

 

"Of course, very good, thank-you." Thorin returned, squirming at the scrutiny that Gandalf paid him. 

 

"Goodnight, Mr Durin." Then Gandalf turned to sweep from the room, in truth Thorin had never seen him leave a room in a non-dramatic manner, however, made him pause by calling his name. 

 

"Gandalf, professor that is."

  
  
"Yes, Mr Durin?" The voice was dry with exasperation but Thorin pursued his curiosity. 

 

"Didn't you used to have?" Thorin gestured to his face, tapping the skin above his lip. "Two of those... Things?" 

  
  
Gandalf's eyebrow rose, daring Thorin to continue. He tried, he did but Thorin was unable to form a sound under the penetrating gaze.

 

"Never mind, it was my imagination." Perhaps it would be better if he decided he wanted to live to see tomorrow morning. 

 

Gandalf breathed deeply and continued his dramatic exit, leaving Thorin to stew over his actions. 

 

{}

 

The next morning dawned bright and clear, in all respects one would have considered it a perfect day. Thorin didn't even have to go into the station, leaving him free to utilise the day to his ends. Despite this, fate appeared to have other plans. Over Thorin's breakfast, a crisp telegram threw the house into a state of disarray at the arrival of an unexpected guest from Bilbo's fingers. 

 

{}

 

"There's a telegram arrived for you, Mr Durin." Bilbo trilled with excitement, bustling into the room. 

 

Thorin had been perplexed, to say the least, but he accepted the little note and freed it from the envelope as Bilbo took the opportunity to steal his breakfast tray away under his distraction. It was a short telegram, but a few lines that Thorin's eyes skated over with mounting joy. 

 

"Oh my... Oh my goodness..." Thorin felt a weight lift from his shoulders, the morning suddenly seem bright as that of one described in a book. 

 

He jumped out from behind his desk, scrambling for the note while trying to get out from the room. This left him to bang into the doorframe, leaving him with a smarting shoulder which he rubbed aggressively and whispered a few choice words before barrelling down the corridor after Bilbo. He could not lose this opportunity, he had nearly lost his chance at happiness and he would not lose it again.

 

"Bilbo!" He shouted, catching sight of the curly-haired figure as he turned to climb the stairs to tidy the playroom. By the heavens, the morning light framed him with a near angelic halo of light as he turned with a perplexed expression marking his features.

 

Thorin screeched to a halt in front of him, his face splitting with a grin and his heart lighter than air even as he tried to reign in his emotions to have some dignity. He reached up to his hair, smoothing it back from his face as he searched for the right words rather than simply blurt out a poorly worded confession. Bilbo deserved romance, long-loving gestures, smiles filled with laughter and the right words, though if Thorin could have he would have given the man the stars from the heavens. 

 

"Bilbo... I..." He swallowed hard and felt his face flush as Bilbo looked at him with some amusement. 

 

"Would you... Would you please meet me later in the garden? I have something that I... I would like to discuss an important matter with you." He finished within a stammering voice wrought with doubt. Would Bilbo even want to? Did Bilbo even carry the same feelings in his heart?

 

Was he making a terrible mistake? The paper felt crumbled and sweaty in his palm as some moments passed with agonizing slowness. To Thorin, it seemed like years, but in reality, it was a few seconds. 

 

"Of course." 

 

What? Thorin blinked stupidly, his brain seems to have slowed down to the rate of a snail to process the words. 

 

"What?" He cursed his mouth, watching as Bilbo smiled and gave a tinkling laugh. 

 

"I will meet you in the garden Thorin Durin." He replied, slowing each word down to mock Thorin who tried very hard to scowl in displeasure but failed miserably. 

 

"Excellent. Wonderful. Marvellous." Thorin declared, cursing himself silently as Bilbo's grew wider. Every time, his mind simply melted under that sweet smile. It was still as potent at the day they meet. 

 

"I'll be..." He began, lost for a moment in what he had been intending to do. 

 

"Going?" Bilbo asked, smirking. 

  
  
"Yes. Going. I will meet with you later." With that, Thorin gave a sharp nod and made his escape, his cheeks burning. 

 

{}

 

Behind him, Bilbo did a silent dance of glee, clutching at his face as his smile ached with pain as it's the width. He skipped up the stairs, wishing for the clocks to move faster. 

{}

 

Thorin also did a small dance down the corridor when he was sure Bilbo was out of sight.

 

{}

 

The letter was to cause such chaos, that Thorin rushed down to the dining room to make the announcement much to the surprise of Kili and Fili who had not seen their uncle at breakfast for many, many months. It was only something that happened on a birthday or formal events. They both squealed excitedly, Kili managing to spill porridge onto the table as Gandalf watched with interest at the sight of Thorin bustling in with the letter clutched in hand. 

 

"Professor Gandalf! Kili and Fili, excellent." Thorin could not help but grin, feeling as though all was to be right in the world. "I have an announcement to make." He announced with great ceremony, taking pleasure in the eager faces of both his nephews, waving the telegram about as if were a flag. 

 

"Grandfather Thrór is coming to tea today." 

 

Both Kili and Fili's faces dropped in horror. Kili even went so far as to let out a shriek of terror. Fili grabbed his brother's hand as if to anchor himself to the world. It was not quite the reaction that Thorin had been hoping for. 

 

"Grandfather Thrór is vile and vicious!" Kili shouted in opposition. 

 

Their grandfather was not... Well... He was a severe man but... 

 

Well, that was perhaps going a touch far in Thorin's opinion...

 

"He's as blind as a bat!" Fili added, producing an eyebrow raise from Gandalf. 

 

"No! That's enough!" Thorin replied, scowling down at the pair. "I don't want to hear anything bad about Grandfather Thrór, he pays the rent..." He trailed off quietly, losing some of his early steam.

  
"He scares me."

 

'He's only coming for tea." Thorin reassured. Good lord the man was hardly a monster, just a strict and rather conservative. Perhaps a touch rude. Arrogant too. Always sneering. Thorin cut off his tailing thoughts, feeling his heart begin to agree with his nephew's exclamations. 

 

"I'm sure you'll have a lovely time, you'll put you're best clothes on and Professor Gandalf shall keep you all in order." Thorin finished, gesturing to the Profesor for what he hoped would be a reassuring sentence. 

 

"I shall do my best Sir, but in consideration that today is Sunday and I am off duty this afternoon."

  
  
The words filled Thorin's stomach with fear, stones dropping and sinking deep into his body. Even his nephews sensed the change, their attention swinging round to watch the play-by-play with attention so rapt it would have many educators weep with joy. 

 

"Off duty?" Thorin managed to force out finally. 

 

"Hmmm." Gandalf hummed with such conviction that Thorin felt like his judgement had been passed. 

 

"Off duty... No... N... No, you can't be off duty." He began to stammer, gesturing limping to the boys as if they could strengthen his argument. "I-I-I need you. They need you."

 

"Sadly I will be leaving at noon, after which I am sure the children will do exactly as they are told." Gandalf replied. 

 

{}

 

Fili couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he felt like Gandalf had spoken to him rather than Thorin. A spark had been light in his brain, turning in a bright flame that fuelled his mischievous mind and pulled at the corner of his mouth to smile. 

 

{}

 

Thorin felt like he had lost, he could only nod and slump off back to his study after pressing a kiss to both of the boy's head. It would go well, it had to. 

 

{}

 

In his study, Thorin settled himself into his chair and pulled on his glasses ready to explain his earlier joy to... Well, we all know who he was speaking to, even if they could not give him an answer, they were still listening. 

 

"Listen to this Dis, Grandfather Thrór says;" Thorin leaned forward, clutching the paper tightly as he read. "Grandfather Thrór says;

 

_'I am coming with the express intention of easing your financial burden.'_

 

Thorin looked up, his face beginning to ache as a grin stretched his mouth wide. "Maybe he's thought the better of me having to marry."

 

Then his hands fell loosely into his lap as his mind took a moment to wander. With the duty of marrying, along with the chains that accompanied it, broken he was free to pursue his heart freely. It felt as though the door to his dark prison had been opened and he was free to walk into the sunlight of possibilities. 

 

"The cost of a wedding and so forth... So I won't have to go through with it after all." He grinned widely, near breathless with the elation. The chair stayed silent as ever, glowing a soft shimmering pink in the morning light.

 

{}

 

The neighing of horses combined with the great thundering of the carriage was an uncommon sight within the sleepy countryside. Each animal felt it's presence, even the sun seeming to take cover briefly behind a cloud as the sweaty midnight black beasts and their cargo wheeled through the gravelled roads like an oncoming storm. The carriage itself proclaimed its occupant's wealth like a siren, the golden seal blinding in the sun, the imperial footmen in pressed black and gold uniforms amongst the shuddering green foliage.

 

The shrieking, jangling and snorting assembly speed past Gandalf in a cloud of glimmering darkness, stirring his grey overcoat as he strode along the roadside. He turned to watch it with interest, sensing the ominous tiding that lurked behind the royal blue curtains. Gandalf lifted his pipe back to his mouth, drawing deeply as he pondered. A poof of inky smoke and he moved on, worrying at the tip. He was not one to fail, but this would surely test the family like nothing before, it was truly out of his hands. 

 

{}

 

"I hate my best clothes!" The ball of lacy and starched white cotton complained bitterly from Kili's bed as the young boy fought with his shirt.

  
  
Tauriel took pity on him and assisted while Legolas and Gimli looked on in amusement. Such a horror approaching, it was only natural that Fili and Kili had called their friends to their aid and snuck them in secretively to share their woes. Well, snuck was perhaps an exaggeration. Bilbo, having to see the little band attempting to climb up the walls to reach the boy's bedroom window had left the back door open and coughed loudly.

 

But Kili and Fili ignored this, choosing instead to continue to complain and worry about the oncoming approach of their least favourite relative. Their friends shared their sorrowful hearts, having previously met the man and finding him to be the very stuff of nightmares at a one of Fili's. He had managed to insult, anger and make them want to weep all int he space of a few moments. 

 

"Well, you did promise." Legolas commented smugly from the floor as he giggled away with Gimli. 

 

"So that's that." The faithful ginger friend added, earning a pout from Kili. 

 

Fili who had been lying on his bed brooding suddenly sat up, a gleam sparkling in his eye. 

 

"Tauriel's right, I think we should do exactly as we're told." He scrambled off his bed, picking up his forthy crystal white clothes and turning back to the rapt attention of his friends. 

 

"We've been told to put our best clothes on, haven't we?" There was a round of nods, Legolas and Gimli clambered to their feet in anticipation. "Right, well I'm going to put my best clothes on..." Fili started walking, meandering slowly to build the tension till he reached the top of the stairs. 

 

"The pig." He finished with a dramatic turn to shrieks of delight and a horrified gasp from Tauriel. 

 

The others were lost however, Kili asserting that he would put his on the donkey with assistance quickly gained from Gimli. Tauriel rolled her eyes as she watched them dash down the stairs. If she couldn't beat them, she would have to join them. Her auburn locks flew out behind her as she chased after them, her resistance melting away in the light of such fun. 

 

{}

 

Thrór's carriage arrived with all the ceremony of a king, and Thorin thought the man enjoyed it. It was no family secret that the man ruled over his house like it was his kingdom, tucked away in the mountains the pitch-black gates guarded the Durin's home as ferociously as a dragon. Thorin's family wealth had been built on mining, on rivers of gold, veins of precious metals and caverns bursting with gleaming jewels that shone like stars overhead. Thrór guarding his hoard, building and building the business till it was an empire. It was a permanent offence to him that his grand-son had refused to come into the company. The old wound festered under Thrór's scaly hide, something Thrór enjoyed reminding Thorin about every time they meet. 

 

{}

 

Thorin was waiting at the top of the steps, dressed in his own best clothes that did flatter him. The velvety midnight frock coat, crisp black pants combined with a smart black waistcoat and a rather dasing purple tie was an outfit that Thorin was proud of. He would deny till his dying day that he had preened just a touch when he saw Bilbo take a long, thorough look when his back was turned, it was a shame that Thorin had caught him in the glass of the photos on the wall. 

 

He waited at the top of the steps as the creatures reigned to a shuddering halt and the door was opened by the footman before he even attempted to make his descent. Thrór was a great believer in the proper ways of doing things, thus when the scowling yet wizened face peered out only then did Thorin speak. 

 

"Grandfather Thrór, welcome back." He declared with polite enthusiasm, Thrór's shimmering black suit threaded with gold and many, many, many gold rings near blinding him in the sunlight. 

 

"Where are you?" The elderly man declared, squinting upwards and turning his head about rapidly. 

 

"Here I am, Grandfather Thrór." Thorin replied, stepping forward slightly to be closer to the steps of the carriage. Only then did Thrór look down and his face instantly moved into disapproval. 

 

"Don't crowd me so!" He reprimanded, forcing Thorin to grit his teeth as to not give in to his desire to push the man back into his carriage with a sharp shove, eventually he wobbled down to the driveway. 

 

"You're looking very pale Thorin. And where's my tea? I must have tea this instant!" He cried haunty, wavering his golden wrapped cane and striding forward into the house as Thorin scurried after him like a servant. 

 

"Of course, that once." Thorin mumbled into his feet as the man bore his way into the hall. 

 

"I smell damp." 

 

Oh what a charming thing to say, but rather mellow for Thrór. To appease the patriarch he sniffed around as they strode through the house. 

 

"No, no. At least, not noticeably." He concluded lamely at the sight of Thrór's lips thinning dangerously. 

 

"Damp in the house, that would account for your pallid complexation."

 

Thorin decided it was time for a new topic of conversation as they cleared the hallway and reached his study door. 

 

"What a lovely hat." 

  
  
It was not a lovely hat, Thorin though it was an atrocity. It was perhaps once a top hat, but it had been fitted with black silk lined with gold, a golden ribbon, rubies with a golden dragon curling around its base bearing tiny sharp fangs to the world. To be frank, Thorin thought it should be burnt for the preservation of good taste but his grandfather flaunted his wealth to an extent that would have put King Midas to shame. 

 

"A gift from the Duke of Kent, he has taste." His grandfather replied primly while Thorin silently applauded his triumph as they entered the study. 

 

{}

 

"I've always hated this room." His grandfather declared, placing his hat onto the side table and pulling free his overcoat to join its gilded brethren. Thorin remained tactfully quiet and nodded, focusing hard on not gripping the teapot too hard encase he should break it in his anger. 

 

"Milk?" He growled softly. Breath. Polite. Breath. Murder was still, unfortunately, a crime 

 

"Certainly not, filthy stuff." His uncle answered coldly. "Most unhealthy." 

 

"Sugar?" 

  
  
"Six, if you please." Thorin felt himself pause for a moment, processing the number but moving rapidly when his uncle fixed him with a potent stare. 

 

He began to move the tiny shimmering cubes as his grandfather began to voice his opinions. 

 

"Let me not beat about the bush Thorin, the problem with you is that you have too many nephews." 

 

"Ah, that..." Thorin began but was sharply cut off. 

 

"Don't interrupt." Thorin nearly opened his mouth to apologises but snapped it shut upon remembering his lesson. 

 

"I always said that my poor, weak-minded grand-daughter was never equipped to handle the rigours of running a household alongside the raising of young boys..." 

 

Thorin moved to sit but found that only the armchair was free and remained standing, his grandfather continued unabated. 

 

"...However, I know my duty. I gave her my word that I would try and help her and as you know Thorin my word is my law." A proudness filtered in Thrór as he spoke. Thorin straightened his back, feeling as though they were reaching the climax of their conversation.

 

"I now propose to help you further." 

 

"Oh, thank-you Grandfather Thrór, thank-you!" Thorin cried enthusiastically, a smile lighting up his features that were snuffed out when Thrór reprimanded him. 

 

"Don't interrupt. Sit down." Thorin sat down promptly as Thrór voice cracked like a whip. 

 

{}

 

Beyond the study Kili, still dressed in crystal white shirt, trousers and waistcoat all foaming with lace jumped to the bottom of the stairs with a soft thump. He could hear the sounds of his great-grandfather dedicating in his sharp pronunciation inside. Kili and Fili had always been curious children, something that was both a curse and a blessing. Thus Kili without hesitation crept to the crack in the study door and peered through it to listen to the conversation. 

 

{}

 

"I am going to relieve you of one of you're nephews."

 

Thorin whipped his head up, his spine going rigid at the words. For a second, Thorin wondered if he would truly faint while the room seemed to spin before his eyes. Thrór sounded muffled like he had been thrown underwater. 

 

{}

 

At the door, there was a tiny yelp of fear.

 

{}

 

"And give it a home with me at Azsâlul'abad Manor."

 

The obsidian gates. The sharp charcoal cliffs all around. The towering house standing alone on the mountain as it had been carved from the rock itself. It would be a prison. Thorin saw it all flash in his mind's eye in a bolt of lightning and rumbling thunder. His breathing was growing harsh and shallow as if he was fighting to breathe. His mind was running, searching for a way to stop this nightmare, an argument or any rational thought!

 

{}

 

"It will require sacrifice on my part." His grandfather paused for breath, his voice filled with conviction as if this was some great favour he was doing for Thorin.

 

"I realise that." He nodded at his hyperventilating grandson. "But as my blessed father always said, duty Thrór, always Thrór." 

 

"But Grandfather Thrór you can't possibly!" Thorin begged, choking up the words. "I really can't possibly-" 

 

"Thank me enough," Thrór replied with benevolence, waving off his words. "I know, you must feel underwhelmed by the benefits of such a caring grandfather." 

  
  
Thorin began to hear his breathing rather loudly, rage began to pound in his veins as his grandfather continued to congratulate himself on his good nature. 

 

{}

 

At the door, a numb Kili turned away and tip-toed out of sight. 

 

{}

 

"They will, of course, receive the best education, private tuition in-" Thorin lifted his hand to his mouth to prevent the words that fought to be free burst forth. He had to be calm even as a red mist blurred the edge of his gaze. Calm. Rational. Composed "-literature, history, science and above all elocution." 

 

 His heart throbbed vehemently with each word, rallying his mind for action.

 

"If there's one thing I will not stand for, it's loose vowels." His grandfather declared with dramatized conviction.

 

Thorin bit down on his tongue, the stabbing pain his mind as the copper filled his mouth. How could it have all gone so wrong? But a few short hours ago he had imagining confessing his love but now he was faced with losing Kili or Fili. 

 

{} 

 

"But what did you're uncle say?" Tauriel asked, crouched down in front of quivering Kili on the landing of the main stairs, the boy was as pale as a ghost. "Surely he must have told her to not even think of it?"

 

"Uncle didn't say anything, he just looked like he was in pain." Kili croaked back. 

 

Tauriel felt her heart drop, their uncle loved the boys more than anything. He would move mountains if he had too but this... Kili looked lost under her eyes, like his faith in the world was crumbling. She leaned forward and gave him a tight squeeze, one that was returned rapidly by the small boy. 

 

"Come on, let's go and find the others." She declared, instilling confidence into her voice and taking Kili's clammy hand in hers. 

 

They would weather it together as friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Azsâlul'abad - Lonely Mountain in Khuzdul


	8. What One Does For Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Thorin bend to the will of his grandfather? Will the boys be separated from each other? Will Bilbo's heart reflect Thorin's? How will the visit end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness, here comes another chapter! I hope everyone enjoys it or at sheds many a tear over the feels!

"Grandfather Thrór there is simply not a possible reason for you too-"

 

"Hush now!" The elderly man commanded, leaving Thorin to rage silently while biting down on his tongue for what seemed to be the hundredth time that afternoon. 

 

Their talk had proceeded to move from the study, through the hallway and out into the front of the house in search of his wayward charges. Thorin had made every attempt to start a seething protest, a rational argument or even a passive-aggressive comment on why his grandfather would be unsuitable for raising his nephews. These had been ignored, stiffed and outright dismissed much to Thorin's boiling temper by his indifferent grandfather. Did the man even know he was speaking? He breathed a few choice curses under his breath as they walked through the shrubbery in search of the boys. 

 

"I'm used to taking responsibility for other people's mistakes." Thorin growled low behind him, gritting his teeth so hard he wondered if his oblivious relative might hear him. "Now where is the offspring of my niece?" The man's head turned all around him, his cane crunching in the gravel as he squinted heavily. 

 

Thorin took a moment to look himself, listening hard as well. Sometimes you heard his nephews before you saw them, something that he had become rather aware of over the years learning his lesson from multiple pranks that had been acted out. Oh yes, he had learned his lesson strongly after the time they had pinned a note saying 'I just farted' leading to rounds of smirking and laughter in the village before Dwalin had finally taken pity on him. Thorin had laughed for a while after he had been given the sign, the paper lurked in one of his drawers in his bedroom, memories of a simpler time. 

 

{}

 

Behind him, Legolas and Kili streaked past in a few of blonde and brown with gravel whispering under their feet. Between them, they carried a stolen top hat brimming with gold embellishments. 

 

{}

 

Thorin and his grandfather continued to meander down the path, unaware that they were being watched by the very prey that they sought. Behind doors that creaked open for a peak and bushes that rustled with barely stiffed giggles, the children waited for the fun to begin. 

 

"Ah, here we are." Thrór declared, gesturing with his fingers at a sort of shape dressed in a white lacy hat, a white tie, roughed cheeks and what seemed to be blue eyeshadow... Wait just a minute...

 

Thrór began to fumble for his glasses, his fingers stiffened with age as Thorin looked out in stupified silence at the sight of a pig happily snorting in its pen wearing makeup and what appeared to be parts of the boy's best clothes. Oh God in heaven, he had to act now! Thrór had finally managed to bring his frames out and was bringing them to his poor, dim eyes to get a better look at what was an animal in Sunday best. 

 

Thorin began to panic and did the first thing that popped into his mind. He leapt forward, knocking the glasses clean from his grandfather's hand who gave a frightened yell of surprise. In a stroke of genius, Thorin gave a shout as well as the frames clattered onto the gravel with a tinkling sound. 

 

"A bee! It was a bee. A big bee." He ducked to retrieve the glasses. He then turned away with all the pretence of cleaning them, Thorin first said a small pray that this madness would bear fruit, and licked both of the tiny glass circles with his tongue. The glass was left wet and cloudy, giving a distorted view of the world as Thorin handed them back to his grandfather. Perfect.

 

"For you."

  
  
His grandfather fixed him with a piercing gaze of both concern and annoyance. "You're not well Thorin." 

 

Thorin said nothing and waited for the punch line, he was not disappointed.

 

"The sooner you find a good wife, the better." Behind is grandfather, Thorin silently mimicked his words with a sneer. 

 

{}

 

Across the garden, the children had consented what they thought was a sure-fire plan to make sure that Fili and Kili couldn't possibly leave. It was genius, and it only involved a donkey, a hat and a few choice pieces of clothing. It was a simple plan, but it had one minor problem, that the donkey refused to move. 

 

Minty gave a great bellowing neigh, digging her heels despite the persuasion of five young children pulling on her road to encourage her. That had gotten her as far at the orchard, but Minty had decided she had enough of this foolish and would not budge. 

 

"This should stop her from wanting either of you." Gimli called, his feet sliding on the stones a little as the group fought against the animal. 

 

{}

 

"Speak up boy, oh!" Thrór gave a small yelp of surprise at the face he was presented with when he looked through his spectacles. Thorin decided it would be wiser to leave his mouth shut, he did not quite trust himself to speak at the sight of an up-close barn animal dressed up with enough finery to pass for a dancer at a seedy inn. 

 

"What an unfortunate face." Thrór continued, the face in question continued to snort at them happily at the attention, even as Thrór squinted down at it. 

 

"All those bristles." Thorin never thought he would see the day where his grandfather was scowling down at a pig, thinking it was his nephew and having a conversation about its appearance. 

 

"It might be very hard to find someone who would accept his proposal of marriage." Thorin took a moment to look around him, wondering if any other animals had met the same fate as the poor pig. "Do you not have a more handsome nephew?" 

  
  
Oh god, were those? Thorin felt his mouth twitch at the sight of the dogs trotting happily down the path in what used to white lace shirts. Their tongues lolled from they're mouths, panting as they dragged the lace through the mud.  There was also a flock of chickens parading and pecking down another path with what could have been the boy's cuffs and waistcoats contrasting against their black plumage. 

 

"Erm..." Think Thorin. "Perhaps around the front of the house." He was a genius, his grandfather accepted easily enough and Thorin spared one last look at the bedlam that had erupted before steering the man up the path.

 

{}

 

"Kili tie it!" Tauriel called Minty's new hat wobbled dangerously on the animal's tall ears. Kili was trying his hardest but having little success in tying a strong enough knot using a bundled up scarf around Minty's neck. Minty gave another neigh of a complaint, flickering her head to the left in agitation. 

 

As the children called out encouragement, the rope they were using began to fray under the opposing forces. they dug in their heels harder, watching in horror as the ropes pieces began to fray quite literally before their eyes till the inevitable moment when the cords surrendered to the pressure. With a great snap, the connection was served. Everything seemed to happen at once afterwards. 

 

Minty gave a long hee-haw and trotted away to her freedom rapidly, the others were knocked to the ground as their resistance was lost and Kili fearing the worst ran for his uncle. As children do in times of distress, they run for someone they trusted, the others, however, could see the disaster that would occur and scrambled to their feet to give chase. 

 

"No Kili! He'll see you!" Fili called, charging after his brother even as his hands stung from being scrapped on the ground. 

 

"Uncle!" Kili paid him little mind, his little legs carrying his quickly as he called for his uncle. 

 

{}

 

Back at the front of the house, Thrór will had faded rapidly upon seeing what his family had produced. 

 

"Thorin I had no idea that Dis had produced such a... An unattractive batch of males." He declared as they progressed to the front steps, Thorin simply held up his hands uselessly. 

 

"I shall leave directly."

  
  
Pardon? Thorin whipped his head around, trying his very best to not let a smile break out over his face. 

 

"Get my hat." Thrór commanded, gesturing with all the impatience of a monarch as Thorin felt his spirits soar. 

 

"You're hat?" He musn't look too happy, no that would never do. "So soon?" 

 

His grandfather shook his head, well he had tried. Thorin had fulfilled his civic duty. 

 

"I'll get it." He conceded, nearly breaking into a sprint to get the damn hat as fast as possible. 

 

{}

 

Behind Thrór, Kili was racing up the driveway and had every intention of getting into the house through the front door. His brother was but a few steps behind him as they pelted round the corner, he could have almost touched the hairs on Kili's head but was forced to duck out of sight at the imposing face and coat that stood like a demon darkening the sunny day. 

 

"No! Kili!" He half-whispered, half-shouted as his brother turned the corner, Fili ducked behind the wall to watch in terror.

  
  
Kili was running with such focus, that he had not seen what lay in wait for him. Thus, Kili found his momentum unexpectedly blocked when he ran head-long into something warm and rather solid. He let out a huff of surprise, stumbling backwards as the figure did the same before a boney hand fastened onto his shoulder. A wrinkled face and beady sapphire blue eyes gazed down at him first with shock and then with triumph. 

 

"Ah-ha!" His great-grandfather cried, Kili recognised him now. How could a child ever forget such a face?

 

He let out a small whimper of dismay. He had been caught. He would have to leave his brother behind. He would have to leave Uncle Thorin. His friends. His home. Kili felt his breathing suddenly become very shallow as his great-grandfather sized him up with great interest. 

 

"Oh yes, you'll do perfectly. A little timid perhaps." The man nodded and Kili felt his blood drain from his face, the hand tightened further. Fili continued to watch, growing panic seeping through his body? What was he to do? This wasn't one of their games, he didn't have a sword to defeat the monster or magical powers to turn him into a toad! He was just... A child. "But we'll soon knock that out of you." Thrór added with conviction, Kili whimpered, tears beginning to mist over his eyes. 

 

Fili turned away, a crazy idea taking root in his brain. It couldn't hurt to try. It was better than nothing. 

 

"Come on, come on. It doesn't hurt to try." He whispered, more to reassure himself than real confidence. He slowly tilted his head up and whispered to the sky, hoping that his words would be heard. 

 

{}

 

At the front door, Thorin reappeared with a worried expression rolling upon his features. "I can't see to find you're-" He turned his head, almost taking a step back in surprise at the scene before him. 

 

"What are you doing?" Thorin asked, a choking fear penetrating his words as Thrór smiled up at him. 

 

"This is the chosen one, get him ready." Thrór replied, his grip firm on the scruff of Kili's neck even as the boy whimpered. 

 

"Uncle!" Kili whispered, wriggling like a trapped fish as Thorin's face morphed into one of panic. 

 

"The chosen one? Kili? Grandfather, you can't-" He babbled but was overridden. 

 

"Oh shut up Thorin and do as you're told!" Thrór commanded with venom, fixing Thorin with a glare. Thorin glared back, squaring up to his grandfather toe to toe. 

 

{}

 

"Gandalf we need you, please. Gandalf please, we need you." Fili whispered with conviction, half praying and half begging for a miracle. 

 

And as if by magic, the black side gate across the driveway opened with a tingling squeak of metal. And there stood Gandalf, basket in hand filled with vegetables and a serious expression clouding his wizened face. 

 

{}

 

"Where is my hat?" Thrór demanded, his voice near accusing Thorin of having taken it. 

 

Thorin, on the other hand, had reached the end of his temper. He drew breath to tell his grandfather exactly what he thought of his precious 'hat' but let it out in a huff of air as the hee-haw of the donkey drew their attention. The pair had the surprise and dismay of watching the animal trot onto the gravel wearing a shawl, a blanket and Thrór's hat that had holes cut into it to allow for the creature's long ears to poke through. To say it was an unwelcome addition to the moment would have been a deep understatement. 

 

The rest of the children also appeared, chasing the escaped donkey. Fili waved them over to the nock in the wall, shielding them from the explosion that was about to occur as Thrór's face began to turn from red to a deep and dangerous shade of purple in fury. 

 

The donkey, innocent in its role, started to nibble on a low hanging branch a few steps away from the front door. Thrór pulled out his glasses and pushed them up to his squinting eyes, as they were lowered his lips began a thin line of outrage. 

 

"My. Hat." He managed to spit out, Thorin recognising the tone of voice pushed himself in between Thrór and Kili to protect his nephew from the eruption. The children heard the tone as well, peeked their heads around the wall to watch the disaster about to occur. 

 

"How dare you!" Thrór began, his stormy grey beard twitching with fury. 

 

At the gate, Gandalf's cane rose and hit the earth with a smack, sparks flying free. 

 

{}

 

The donkey suddenly lifted it's head, turning slightly and to everyone's shock, winked and smiled at Thrór. Was this some sort of fever dream that he entered due to stress? Maybe Thrór had killed him and this was his hell. Thorin blinked rapidly and even bit down on his tongue to check he was not asleep, no he was very much awake. Thorin felt his mouth drop in surprise as the donkey then _fluttered her eyelashes._ Donkeys were not supposed to do that. Hell, they weren't even supposed to wink.

 

Thorin whipped his head round to his grandfather and found, to his amazement that the man was smiling. Thrór never smiled. Thorin wasn't sure if he had ever seen the man smile. Nevertheless, the permanent scowl had been lifted into a jolly grin. To second this revelation, Thrór then let out a giggle. A giggle! 

 

"Mine, what a merry thing." Thrór cried out happily, waving back at the donkey who had started to wave as well with one hoof. Thorin and the children's gazes swapped back and forth at the sight of a smiling Thrór and a yahooing donkey. 

 

"My my what a pretty girl you are." Thrór added, near cooing. Thorin wondered if he was having a stroke. Could you have strokes occurring at the same time? 

 

The performance was not over, the donkey shifted onto its hind legs, causing the rest of the children's mouths to drop. Its hooves were added to its hips and with some grace, began to perform an Irish jig with a playful whistle. Thrór was laughing cheerfully, his eyes sparkle at the sight. 

 

"Oh yes, this is the child for me." He said, clapping his hands in time to the music and finally letting go of Kili.

 

Thorin leapt into action, he crouched down and began to whisper hurriedly in his nephew's ear. 

 

"Go and find the others, hide and don't come out till I find you!" He breathed with determination, nudging Kili down the steps. Kili didn't need telling twice, he dashed around the corner as fast as his legs would carry him into the waiting arms of his brother who hugged him tightly.

 

"Such poise, such grace." His grandfather continued, unaware that his prize had been stolen from right under his nose. He looked across the drive and waved happily at the sight of Gandalf striding up the grave. 

 

"Ah, there you are! Staff!" 

 

"Yes, Sir." Gandalf replied cooly, his face impassive. 

 

"I'm taking this child with me, get them ready." Thrór commanded Gandalf turned his head to look at the 'child' in question. 

 

The donkey blew Thrór a kiss. Kili giggled quietly, his fear was forgotten. The tiny giggle set the other children off, sharing looks of wonder and tiny snorts of laughter. 

 

"Very well Sir." Gandalf concluded, nodding to Thrór who smiled even wider and then swept inside. 

 

"Gin time!" Thrór said enthusiastically, happy to be escorted back into the house by Thorin who spared one last baffled look before following. 

 

{}

 

When the pair had disappeared inside, Gandalf began to ascend the stairs himself but stopped to turn a beady eye on the cluster of children. His eyes were almost sad, but his tone was very gentle as he warned them. 

 

"Do not forget, that someone had to go with you're great-grandfather and it cannot be the donkey, can it?" 

 

The children looked back to the creature who had returned to nibbling contentedly on all four hooves. Not a smile in sight of a whistle to be heard. 

 

{}

 

Following the gentle warning, the children had disappeared into the treehouse to discuss their next move. In this case, it was more an argument as to why neither Kili or Fili could go with Grandfather Thrór. 

 

"I'm the eldest son, I'll go." Fili concluded with a look of sad superiority. 

 

"No, I always knew I was destined for tragedy. I'll go." Kili retorted. 

 

"Fili you can't go and leave your brother alone." Tauriel said, looking between the two brothers as they lolled about in a circle. Would this be the last time they did this as a group? She gulped down a lump in her throat. She catch Legolas's eyes, the same thought passing through his head. 

 

"She wanted me, that means I have to go," Kili added hotly, Fili knew he was hiding his sadness and uncertainty with anger. It was an easy thing to do. 

 

"No!" He snapped back with a growl, Kili huffed at him and glared. 

 

"You can't both go." Gimli exclaimed from Legolas's side. 

 

But if either of them went, Fili wasn't sure the other would be able to survive without them. The conversation fell into an uneasy stalemate, the silence thick with tension as the little group searched for a way out. 

 

Fili felt as though an elephant was sitting on his chest, crushing his heart with its weight. If push came to shove, he knew he would be the one to go. No matter what Kili said or did, he was his big brother and that meant he would protect Kili no matter what. He turned his head, his eyes wandering over the house beyond the grimy glass of the old panel. In the old tower, there lay a circular window. The paint was peeling off the frame, the glossy deep blue and red flecked with white as Gandalf turned his head to regard him.

 

As Fili looked at him, he could felt like he was silently being told something. Like, Gandalf was trying to induce some grand plan. The professor inclined his head, starting Fili down until... There it was, the solution. Fili felt his lips part in surprise as the thought took root and bloomed in his head. Could they even pull it off? Would he agree to it? What would it do to Thorin? Fili gulped, thought about it some more and couldn't find anything better. It was the only way, he turned his head back from the window and began to talk the others through the plan.

 

{}

 

Back in Thorin's study, grin in hand, Thrór was filling the air with his praise and own happiness. Thorin, on the other hand, was imagining taking the poker from the fire and beating him over the head with it. Bilbo would burn the clothes and Dwalin could help him hide the body. He paced back and forth across the room, waiting for the moment to speak.

 

"Well Thorin, I am entirely satisfied." His grandfather spouted in a joyful tone. "I will keep my word Thorin if you will keep yours. You must give your family a mother before the month is out." He raised his crystal glass to toast to the agreement but Thorin had come to the end of his temper. 

 

He stood dead in front of the man, working every muscle in his face to keep from snarling. "No." 

 

Thrór paused in his sip, lowering the glass he pursed his lips and looked up Thorin up and down in surprise. Thorin wondered if he was perhaps the first person to ever say 'no' to his grandfather. His man in question squinted up at Thorin.

 

"What?" He spat out. 

 

"Grandfather you cannot order me around and you certainly cannot take any of my nephews away from me." Thorin continued, his voice dangerously soft. 

 

His grandfather lept to his feet, his face contorting with rage and indignation. Thorin was ready for him, more than ready. He had been waiting for this moment for years. 

 

"I-" His grandfather shouted but this sentence ended with a splutter as the ornamented hat was thrust between the pair by Gandalf. 

 

How did the man keep doing that? Thorin was beginning to wonder if it truly was magic. His eyes swept round to Gandalf in surprise. 

 

"You're carriage awaits, Sir." Gandalf said politely, offering up the article of garment to Thrór who accepted it gracefully.

 

"Is the chosen one seated?" He remarked. 

 

"Indeed he is." Gandalf replied almost pleasantly. 

 

Wait? Who was seated? The red mist was clearing fast from Thorin's eyes, icy dread drenched his temper as quickly as a bucket of water. 

 

"Good." Thrór concluded and swept from the room, leaving Thorin in a panic. 

 

"All in prepared." Gandalf intoned in quiet confidence, following calmly. 

 

"Wh-What? Who is the chosen one? What's prepared?" Thorin babbled to Gandalf's back as they strode after his grandfather. 

 

{}

 

His grandfather still had not stopped speaking, he had cleared the hallway and was making his way rapidly up to the front door, eager to be free from the house. 

 

"Thorin, in light of this afternoon's happy outcome I'm willing to overlook that unattractive outburst." His grandfather said in a magnanimous tone. 

 

Selfish bastard, Thorin thought as he sulked up behind Gandalf to catch his attention as his grandfather turned the corner. 

 

"Professor Gandalf!" He hissed urgently. 

 

"Off we go, Hewitt!" Thrór bellowed impatiently as he strode through the front door and out into the afternoon sunshine.

 

Gandalf paused to look at Thorin at the end of the hallway. 

 

"He can't take the donkey. What have you done?" Thorin asked with a pleading tone, his body was near twitching with anxiety over the answer. 

 

"I have done nothing, Sir. The children have decided it amongst themselves." Gandalf replied his face void of emotion and his tone stern. 

 

"Decided what? What do you mean?" Thorin felt his voice raise in fear, his eyes flickering uneasily to the open door. 

 

Outside, he heard the steely voice of his grandfather addressing someone. 

 

"There you are dear." Thorin felt his heart plummet in his chest. 

 

"Not little Kili." He half-whispered.

 

A whip cracked in the soft afternoon. 

 

Thorin's eyes turned back to Gandalf's face, searching for a hint of reassurance. There was a rattle of wheels and a crunch of gravel and Thorin knew he didn't have time to waste. He shoved past Gandalf, knocking against the doorframe in his haste to clear the hallway. He had to stop them! He had to catch them!

 

"Kili!" He cried out in panic, the crunch of stones beneath his feet as the carriage cleared the front gate.

 

The horses neighed and shrieked at each other, mouths foaming as they chewed their harnesses. They moved into a canter, Thorin pushed his legs to move faster. His hair whipped out behind him alongside his coat as he sprinted with a pounding heart. 

 

"Kili!" He roared. 

 

The carriage drew further down the lane, throwing up clouds of creamy dust, heedless to the sprinting figure that ran after them. 

 

"Kili!" Thorin shouted, his voice starting feel raw but he paid it no mind.

 

As the carriage turned the lane, Thorin changed course. He paused for a second as his mind turned then he was off again, he veered right, slipping on the soft grass as he ran. 

 

{}

 

"Now then. You had better tell me you're name, boy." Thrór commanded firmly amongst the black leather, gold embroidery and softly swinging curtains of the carriage.

 

{}

 

Sheep scattered as Thorin raced through them, his arms moving almost to a blur as he moved through the field on his short cut. He would meet them in the woods, where he would... Thorin wasn't sure what he could do, but if needs be he was ready to throw himself in front of the carriage to make it stop. He couldn't lose Kili, it would kill him and then Fili.  

 

The carriage rumbled and cracked its way through the dappled undergrowth, Thorin tore through it himself screaming Kili's name. 

 

{}

 

"Don't be shy dear." Thrór added dismissively, his eyes keen upon his companion. "What is your name?" 

 

{}

 

The horses were warm now, their legs moving at a blur as Thorin fought through the undergrowth. He wasn't as young as he used to be, his breath came in short gasps and he stumbled once, twice and then a third. His coat on brambles and his shoes were trousers were myriad of grass stains. He sprinted on none the less, praying to whoever was listening that he would catch up the carriage. 

 

{}

 

"Now sit up straight and tell me you're name." Thrór commanded, his voice becoming stern, he was not a man used to having repeat himself.

 

{}

 

Thorin caught the back of the ornate beast as he tripped and stumbled onto the path, it slipped through his fingers, only just out of reach. He was sure the world was ending, spots danced before his eyes as he watched the sunlight bounce off the shining uniforms of the footmen as it moved further and further from his sight. Kili was lost. He had failed him. He had failed Fili. He had failed Dis, he had broken his promise to her. Thorin felt his lungs constricted even as he fought to draw in air, his legs trembling with exhaustion as he stood on the overgrown road. 

 

"Kili!" He half sobbed, half-shouted. "Kiiilllliiii!" His vision began to narrow, eyes straining as he watched the carriage grow smaller and smaller amongst the trees. 

 

"Uncle!" Shouted a chid's voice at his side, it sounded an awful lot like Kili. 

 

It was most likely in his head, it was probably the wind carrying his nephew's shouts to him as an act of torture. 

 

"Uncle Thorin!" The wind sounded close, Thorin's eyes were misty and his breathing short. 

 

There was a crunch of twigs and the sounds of scuffling leaves as someone ran through the overgrowth. Thorin finally turned.

  

Kili? 

 

"Uncle!" Kili called out desperately. 

 

There was no mistaking him, so much like his mother. The same eyes and chocolate hair, coffee coloured eyes like his father though. Thorin tried to speak but his voice was choked by rocks, he was on his knees in an instant, arms stretching almost from their sockets to scoop up the warm little figure into his embrace. 

 

"Oh. Hold tight my treasure. I've got you. I've got you." Thorin whispered, feeling the breath enter his body once more.

 

Kili wrapped his legs around his uncle, burying his face into Thorin's neck. Thorin only squeezed him tighter, wrapping a around arm around his nephew's back and the other under his legs to hold him close. The warmth and the feeling of Kili made Thorin close his eyes in wondered bliss. Kili was here. Safe. He pressed kisses along Kili's head and whispered endearments into his hair. 

 

{}

 

Around him, there were further scuffles of feet, when Thorin opened his eyes he was greeted with the sight of Fili at his side and his nephew's friends. He freed his arm, one to hold Kili who was still buried in his neck, to latch onto Fili and draw him into a hug at his side. Thorin needed to feel him, needed to be physically reassured he was there. Fili came willingly, wrapping an arm around Thorin's side and snuggling into him. 

 

After a few moments when Thorin felt his heart return to its proper place and he was sure that both his nephew's and their friends were there he felt his mind return to ask the rational question. 

 

"But if..." He looked all around, his eyes sweeping over the children to check one more time. "Then... The who's..." He spluttered in confusion. 

 

His eyes turned away, looking up the road to capture the last glimpses of the carriage. 

 

{} 

 

A curly head lifted from the window, it's fingers fidgeting slightly under the penetrating gaze. He had dressed in the best clothes the boys could find for him, a worn red velvet coat with a leafy green waistcoat and golden trousers made him appear all the more mismatched to his surroundings. 

 

"Bilbo, my name is Bilbo." He replied softly, swallowing his nerves slightly.

 

Thrór pulled free his spectacles and squinted into them to assess the boy. 

 

{}

 

In the doorway, his shadow long in the setting sun against the blue walls Gandalf stared out across the driveway, His cane rose and fell, scattering lights into the silence. 

 

{}

 

Thrór leaned back, a small smile rolling across his face and a soft chuckle leaving his lips. 

 

"And what a handsome name it is too." He remarked, settling back against the seats. 

 

Bilbo turned his lips into a tight smile, nodding and then turning his gaze out to the window. He watched as the world he knew so well, wrought with leafy oaks and a house with deep blue walls grew further and further away. His fingers clenched, nails biting into his palms as he fought the urge to lay down and sob. 

 

{}

 

"Bilbo." Fili whispered, his face buried into Thorin's leg. 

 

Thorin's heart did not plummet, rather is slowed to a sluggish pace. He wondered if it would ever recover, his soul felt as though a piece was missing, ripped away in an instant and taken by a man who's blue eyes had always been so kind. He stayed rooted to the spot, the eyes of the little gathering all turned to the road. 

 

"Bilbo." Thorin confirmed, saying them out loud felt so heavy. 

 

"Oh." Why could he not say anything? He felt numb as if he couldn't quite process it. He looked down at the ground, and then up again. No, Bilbo was still not there. He was truly... Gone. 

 

They all looked up the road, each imagining Bilbo in their mind's eye. Kili's eyes were too bright and Fili's lip was trembling. Thorin patted Fili's head reassuringly and squeezed his shoulder. He took Fili's hand and then began to lead the children back towards the house, he didn't let go of his nephews till they reached the front door. 

 

Oh, Bilbo, Thorin thought wistfully, how I will miss you. 

 

{} 

 

The carriage rolled on into the sunset, the sky burning to red and then to gold as they moved through fields now cut short. Bilbo pressed his fingers to the glass, watching everything and seeing nothing, he could only see his friends faces roll by and a pair of eyes that been burned onto his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm running away for a brief holiday, there shall be a double update the following Thursday in the lull of this!


	9. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some discussions take place that leave tremors in the family circle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I return! An and onwards with the story, I hope to have this finished by the end of the month with any luck! I wanted a little short chapter to poke along the story before anything big happens again.

Beyond the children's windows, the sun blazed in its final glory as it set. There was red as deep as blood and golds so vibrant they could have been mistaken for molten metal, the beautiful colours cast the children's shadows log. Longer still were the hearts of the family who resided within the house. Gandalf appeared to be the only cheerful one, his attitude was as mysterious and mischievous as ever. He climbed the stairs nibbling, smiling down at the young boys and ordering them to bed with a firm nod.

 

"Time for bed." Kili appeared at his side, clothed ins sleeping wear and looking adorable as he plodded along the hardwood floors.

 

"Thank you for saving me Gandalf." He spoke quietly, rubbing at his eyes as the events of the day began to take their effect. Gandalf gave a small huff of laughter and reached down, capturing the small soft hand in his wizened fingers. He gave it a small squeeze of reassurance before leading the young boy to his bedside. When he looked up, his watchful gaze fell on Fili who was leaning back at the end of his bed rolling a worn cricket between his fingers mournfully.

 

Fili's eyes moved up to his as he felt the presence and he gave a small nod of thanks beyond his dejected mood. The professor nodded, a smile twitching at his lips. Beyond this, the wart at the side of his mouth faded out of existence as another lesson was learned. Well, many lessons had been learned that day, many of which were not the most pleasant and were not taught to the children. Gandalf could feel the ache of the day in his bones, so much to learn still and so little time left for him to teach it. Fili climbed up and under his covers, depositing the beloved ball while Gandalf leaned down to tuck in Kili. He pulled up the blankets as Kili sighed and squirmed till he was comfortable under his many colourful quilts.

 

"Uncle Thorin was going to let her take me." Kili stated mournfully with all the assertion of a child's world. However, Kili phrased it more of a question, seeking reassurance that Gandalf was happy to provide.

 

"No Kili." He responded firmly but not unkindly.

 

"You're uncle would have never had allowed it." Kili's face lost some of its a worry but Gandalf could still see that he was missing the presence of a certain curly-haired servant. Goodness, so much work left to do. He leaned back from Kili's bed, his joints creaking slightly. His fingers wrapped around his staff as he swept from the room. "Goodnight children." He said quietly.

 

"Goodnight Gandalf." Came the soft chorus of replies, then the light went out all on their own. When Gandalf's feet had retreated into silence Kili pushed his head up onto his pillows to whisper to his brother. "He hasn't got any warts at all now." He hissed in wonder as Fili nodded.

 

"Do you think he's using some sort of potion?" "Probably." Fili whispered back. The siblings shared a smile and wormed their way back to their cocoons for the night.

 

{}

 

The clock chimed softly on the dark stone mantle, the wood itself a dark cherry while the face was so old it had turned to an almost dusty yellow after it's years of service. Thorin found it an oddly soothing device, the soft ticking and gently waving fingers allowed his mind to wander freely as he stared. While his eyes were glued to the tiny fading numbers, his mind was a thousand leagues away chasing a curly figure. He was not brooding. Certainly not. He was just... Thinking. Would Bilbo be comfortable at his grandfather's mansion? Would be well feed? Would he be able to walk through the gardens in the afternoons? Thorin felt his forehead draw down into a frown, he knew how much Bilbo appreciated the small comforts. Cups of hot tea in the evenings, soft blankets and freshly baked scones.

 

Above all, however, he loved the woods, green grass and the sight of flowers. Such organic things would be hard to find in the wilds of the manor, guarded by harsh rock and even harsher elements. Thorin's brow drew lower down his face as an even more distressing thought took root in his mind. Would people treat him with the respect he deserved? A low growl rolled out of his throat, many in his grandfather's house were not kind. It was a comfortable place, filled with propriety and stuffiness that made Thorin's teeth stand on edge at the very thought of being back in those bleak rooms. He wanted nothing more than to take a horse, ride out and bring the little man home so he may be wrapped in both his arms and in all the comforts of home.

 

By Christ, Thorin ached to have him back. He had so willingly given away his heart, he hadn't even noticed it leave his chest. So full of thoughts (not brooding, however), Thorin turned and promptly had a heart attack at the sight of Gandalf looming behind him. He sucked in a gasp, oddly he was getting used to the sudden appearances and disappearances of the professor/potential wizard.

 

"Thank-you Professor Gandalf, you were a tremendous help today." Thorin complimented, the words thick and heavy and sounding as such. He couldn't help but bear a grudge against the man, Thorin was sure he bore some responsibility for Bilbo's departure.

 

"Not at all," Gandalf replied, Thorin took the opportunity to retreat to behind the safety of his desk. "I think you will find that lesson three, to get dressed when they are told, is complete." Gandalf continued. "Just to get dressed when they are told?" Thorin asked, surprise creeping into his voice as he began to fiddle with one of his pens. "I think they've learnt a great deal more than that." Gandalf shrugged. Thorin felt his temper flicker, aggravating man.

 

"I have five lessons to teach, what lessons they learn is entirely up to them." The professor continued whimsically but Thorin was sure that, underneath the kind words, Gandalf was not speaking of his nephews anymore. The merry blue eyes that gazed down up him conveyed some sort of weight as he spoke but he was still smiling, such a very kind smile. It made Thorinf feel so very young, for the first time he wondered how old Gandalf was.

 

"Goodnight Mr Durin." Gandalf added and began to leave, as per their pattern however, Thorin made him pause. "Professor Gandalf..." He inquired softly.

 

Gandalf paused and sighed wearily. "Yes, Mr Durin?" Have courage man! "He will be alright, won't he? Bilbo I mean..." Thorin asked, feeling oddly vulnerable as Gandalf looked on sympathetically. "It's just that I can't help being concerned." Thorin added, fighting the urge to twitch and shift under Gandalf's eyes. "Grandfather can be so..." He waved his hands before reaching up to pinching at his brow. He could feel a headache, building in his mind, though it could have been the stress of the day.

 

"He will be perfectly alright." Gandalf reassured softly. Thorin felt his headache just a little less, an ounce of the weight lifting from his shoulders. He would still worry but if Gandalf believed, then... Perhaps Bilbo would be alright. "Good. That is good." He rumbled, the weight of the conversation was starting to make the room feel stuffy.

 

"I suppose he volunteered to go." He joked, a small smile tugging at his lips, Bilbo was the kind of man who one could pour soup on and would apologise to you first but he possessed a spine of steel. It was one of the first things that Thorin had fallen in love with. "Couldn't wait to be a shoot of us I imagine..." The words fell flat as he said to them, the idea had been pottering around his head. A fear that Bilbo had been unhappy and now he had taken first chance to be free of them, Thorin felt his heart constricted and his breathing speed up. He looked up, however, gazing at Gandalf for reassurance.

 

"Not quite." Came the tender reply. Thorin felt a great sigh of relief leave his lungs. "It was Fili's idea." Fili's? "He knew that Bilbo loved to learn and educate himself, and he knew that Bilbo would volunteer to prevent Kili from leaving his family's side." Gandalf explained. "He's a very clever boy you know."

 

"Good heavens... Fili?" Thorin felt a chuckle escape his lips. Self-sacrificing garden, Thorin mused fondly. "Good for him, quick thinking." "Goodnight Mr Durin." Gandalf repeated and made his escape, leaving Thorin to the contemplation of a most unappealing task.

 

Buried beneath his letters, scribblings and notes there was a crisp piece of card with an address on it. He gave a great sigh rummage for a second before freeing the innocent card from its depths. "That's it then..." He murmured to himself, his fingers running over the smooth surface slowly as trepidation built. "I shall have to marry, quickly." He swallowed down a rise of nausea at the thought.

 

{}

 

To bring up the spirits of the young boys, Gandalf announced the next morning over breakfast that they would be heading to the seaside for a day trip. Thorin brooded and sulked about the affair, grumbling about not being told in advance but he wished them all to have a good time and smile whenever Kili or Fili would look in his direction. Much to the young boy's delight, their friends were also included in the adventure.

 

Thus, the sheer chalky cliffs edged with scraggly green plants were soon in the sight of five children and one amused professor for the day. The sea was too cold for swimming but was safe enough to paddle and the stony beaches left the children plenty to explore. The air was soon filled with their shrieks and chatter as they ran themselves ragged, faces flushed pink as a stiff sea breezed washed across their faces. Fili had taken to flying his kite, a sliver and deep blue triangle that was fluttering in the wind in great height.

 

Naturally, Fili was very proud of this but next to him Tauriel was struggling with her kite. Well, it was Legolas's but that sort of thing hardly mattered between them. The string had become hopelessly tangled in her hands, Tauriel continued to persevere with the unyielding twine before Gandalf took pity on her. With a flick of his wrist, Tauriel's kite flew up and off the ground quite of its own accord. Gandalf would, of course, had said it was a mere coincidence as Tauriel's strings unknotted and the jade green and sliver flew up to float alongside Fili's much to Tauriel joyful smile. The professor took a moment to chuckle privately before he cleared his throat, summoning the attention of his brood.

 

"Children." He said quietly, his tone capturing the attention of Legolas, Gimli and Kili who were burying Kili under the stones up to his waist. All were silent as they looked upon the professor. "You're father has asked me to tell you that a Mrs Sack-ville Baggins is coming to tea tomorrow." The children's eyes turned down but Kili was the first to speak.

 

"Gandalf?"

 

"Yes, young one?" Gandalf enquired, his hand reaching up to capture his strange grey hat before it could be captured by the wind.

 

"Will you stop uncle from marrying someone wicked?" Fili turned his head back, eyes alight with curiosity. Gandalf inhaled and shook his head firmly. "I am afraid not."

 

"Even if you wanted to?" Legolas called out.

 

"Even if I wanted to." Gandalf concluded, though his tone held some irritation at this "I cannot interfere with affairs of the heart." After a pause Gandalf spoke again, clear to not catch the young boy's eye. "Perhaps Fili could speak to him." He commented airly.

 

"He won't listen." Fili scoffed. Behind, Gandalf stared back at the young boy, watching the gears turn in his mind.

 

{}

 

Thorin had tucked himself away in the file room, to both avoid the pitiful looks that his fellow policemen were giving him and to hide from Ori encase he came in and decided to bash Thorins up for letting his close friend leave without saying goodbye. The Ri brothers were not a family to be angered, so Thorin had taken action and hidden away. However, it appeared he was bound to be disturbed. Was a moment's peace too much to ask?

 

Dori poked his head around the door into the room, his slivery braids twitching in a smile. "You have a visitor, Thorin." He stated and disappeared as Thorin straightened up in surprise.

 

"An especially eager visitor." Nori added, ducking his head around Dori's. The brothers exchanged curious looks as they ducked back, catching the sight of Thorin smoothing out his hair and making an attempt to tidy the files. Now? Truly? Well, at least the meeting would be out the way...

 

"You have come..." Thorin trailed off in a whisper as Fili pushed through the door.

 

"Oh..." Thorin felt a flush rise at the back of his neck and thanked himself for growing his hair long. "Fili? Please come in." He smiled fondly at the sight of his nephew, but the boy seemed to be on edge about something. He slowly entered the room, looking about him nervously.

 

"I can assure you that I will not bite you." Thorin joked, trying to clear the tension in the room. Fili seemed to relax a little however he seemed to be gearing himself up to speak. Thorin waited, folding his arms across his chest while his nephew plucked up the courage to speak.

 

"Uncle." He began seriously, his eyebrows draw together in a frown that made Thorin's heartache. It was so like his mother's. "There is something we want to ask you."

 

"Please, ask whatever you desire." Thorin returned, curious indeed.

 

"Who is Mrs Sack-ville Baggins?" The boy didn't hold back, Thorin fumbled for a moment before answering.

 

"She is a friend. Just a friend. A friend..." He finished lamely.

 

"Just a friend?" Fili's eyebrows rose in disbelief.

 

"Well, Fili it is not any of you're business," Thorin replied bluntly, the searching face teasing at his temper.

 

Fili began to scowl back, reflecting his uncle's emotions. "It is if you intend to give us a mother by marrying her."

 

"A mother? Who... Who said anything about a new mother?" Thorin stammered Fili had always been far too perceptive for his age. Maybe Gandalf had been giving him tips, Thorin silently ground his teeth together in irritation. "It is true then? You are going to marry her?" His voice was full of suspicion, Thorin knew that his nephew could see right through him.

 

"You go too far Fili." Thorin reprimanded softly, a growl creeping into his voice. "It is not you're place to question-"

 

"But I didn't-" Fili snapped back.

 

"Do not contradict me!" Thorin barked back, unfolding his arms as his voice rose with each word. "I'm not! I'm-" His nephew began to apologise but Thorin was not finished. "You are children! You do not understand the adult world." Thorin lectured, wishing that his nephews did not understand so much of the adult world. They had grown up too fast, he wished they had lived a long happy childhood, free from the darkness that lurked in the world.

 

"There are certain things..." His fingernails bite into his palm, leaving bright crescents as Thorin fought to control his temper. Fili's jaw was tight was anger as he fumed under his uncle's gaze. "There are certain things that you cannot..." Thorin was dangerous close to spill everything, however, he could not, would not allow Fili to bear such a burden as well.

 

"Go home Fili, leave me at once!" He commanded instead, gesturing to the door with his hand. "Go home!" He commanded, Fili obeyed, stomping to the door with heavy angry footsteps. At the door he paused, turning back to his uncle with his face pale with rage.

 

"You never listen!" He accused, tearing into Thorin's heart and soul before disappearing out the station. Thorin felt his body slump as Fili's feet retreated, he almost wanted to cry. To run and embrace his nephew, explain all. He wanted so much, dreamed yearned and wished by he seemed cursed. Just like his father, forever pushing away those he loved. He had to focus on his duty, wearily Thorin picked his body up and began again to work. His duty to the family and his nephews came first.


	10. Time For Tea - Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain lady comes to tea and all hell breaks loose upon the household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for the late (so very, very, very, very) update, I have every intention of finishing and finish I shall. Onwards to tea!

Fili's feet pounded the paths of town and crushed flowers under his feet. He ran and ran, ran till his lungs burned and his breath came in short gasps. Anything to hide the tears that blurred his gaze. Uncle Thorin had never treated him like a child! He had taken the time to listen and respect his nephews, even when they had been young enough to crawl Fili could remember the sight of his uncle patiently answering their gabbled questions. When had he turned so... So... Arrogant! 

 

The front door banged loudly at his entrance, slamming into the wall with an almost indignant knock before he grabbed it with his hand and viciously swung it closed. It was... Deeply satisfying to hear the pearly blue glass rattle in its frame as the door shut. Fili would apologise for it later, right now he was too angry. Anger enough to even hit someone, break something or scream. He reached up, rubbing at his eyes furiously and staining his sweater sleeve as he pounded up the stairs to the professor's room. If there was one person who could help him, it was Gandalf. 

 

when he reached the top, the world changed from blue flaking walls and red carpets to creamy old beams and sunlight dappled walls. He slowed down to a walk, feeling the air almost shift at his presence. The top of the house was silent as a mouse, only the dust in the air for company Fili began to tread along the corridor to the turret room. Bilbo had tried his hardest to pursed the professor to take the guest bedroom, but the man would have none of it. He had swept up the stairs with a merry laugh, leaving a spluttering Bilbo at the bottom as his brain tried to wrap around the improper of the events taking place. 

 

The door was tucked into the wall, it's frame sloping with the room. It was simple and plain, one might almost overlook it in the evening, it was a rather magical room. One that the children never ventured into, leaving it as a sort of mystery. Fili approached the door, raising his knuckle he tapped lightly on the faded wood. 

 

"Professor Gandalf?" He called softly. 

 

There was no response, perhaps the professor was silent sixty seconds till the very last of his knocks had been enveloped into the silence. Nothing. Not even the squeak of a chair or the intake of breath. Fili sighed lightly, he would have to try downstairs. 

 

As he turned back, his feet kicking up years of dust from the ageing floor, a low creak penetrated the silence. Fili froze, his breath felt quick and his heart speeds up in his chest. As he turned, he was meet with the peculiar sight of an open door. Nay, a door that was opening all on its own. It creaked almost welcomingly, inviting him into the forgotten room. To say that Fili was mystified would have been an understatement, but he was not afraid. The opening door was not the kind that persisted in scary stories were a ghost or monster lay in the shadows. The room instead welcomed him like an old friend.

 

He paused and then found himself walking through the door, nudging it to open further as he crept with wide eyes into the room. Sunlight pushed through silts in the wood, leaving patches of sunlight and dark shadows in corners. Beyond this lay the turret windows, three wide circles framing their spaces with the light of the day and offering a glimpse of the blue sky beyond their white framework. Fili crept further into the room, standing for a moment in the empty circle inside the windows, the sun weakly warming him in the pool of light. Underfoot, the only sound came from the floorboards as he walked across them. 

 

Then, he turned to look at the rest of the room and spotted something that piqued his curiosity. There, in a patch of sunlight against peeling and old wallpaper was Gandalf's staff. Fili was drawn to it like a moth to a flame, the crystal glimmered and winked at him as he approached. He had never seen the old man without the twisted wood, and likewise the wood without the old man. Now, Fili knew he shouldn't touch what wasn't his... But... His fingers itched to touch... Surely... 

 

He looked around himself, double-checking that he was alone. Not a soul was in sight, what Gandalf didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Fili felt a tingle creep up his spine as his eyes moved back to the wood, his fingers moved out and touched the handle. It was warm beneath his fingers, warmer than it should be considering it had been only sitting in the sun. Gently he brought it closer, closer till it was right in front of him. Just like he had seen Gandalf do, now was it two hands or one? Fili chewed his bottom lip for a moment before he remembered. He curled before hands on top of the staff and started to slowly raise it. Slow and steady, the staff heavy beneath his small hands. Hewas near twitching with excitement, his breath was all but gone as the staff rose in his hands.

 

It came down with a ringing thump, the sound echoing around the space as Fili squeezed his eyes shut. There was no whooshing sound. No bangs or fireworks. Not even a bolt of lightning. Did anything happen? He cracked an eye open very, very slowly. He still had all four limbs and it seemed to be that he also retained his nose, eyes and ears. The room was still and quiet as before. 

 

"Hello, Fili." The voice echoed across the attic. 

 

Fili nearly jumped out of his skin, dropping the staff with a clatter and spinning around. He had been alone a few minutes ago, he had been so sure of it! To his shock, Gandalf ow sat in the room, book in hand and feet up with a small glass of wine beside him. He looked like he had been sitting there for hours, comfortable and relaxed. Fili narrowed his eyes suspiciously, he was sure Gandalf had not been there...

 

"Can I help you?" The professor inquired innocently, his eyes twinkling with amusement. Fili felt a small grin pull at his lips, the man was a wizard.

 

"I did knock." He reached down, returning the staff to its proper place.

 

"I know." Gandalf replied, sipping at his glass before laying the ruby liquid aside and smirking at Fili. "I heard you."

 

Fili looked around the room, checking that nothing else had appeared without him knowing. 

 

"May I be of assistance?" Gandalf enquired, the sunlight glinting off a sliver pair of rounded spectacles. 

 

It took a few moments for Fili to catch up to the thread of conversation, his mind worked for a few seconds. He had arrived with a purpose... And that purpose had been... Purpose... Oh! Purpose! Yes. 

 

"We... Er... We need you too... I mean..." Fili foundered for a second, searching for the right words to explain himself. "You saved Kili, and so... I... You're on our side, aren't you?" His brow crinkled in concentration as he spoke, intently gazing into Gandalf's kind face. 

 

"You saved Kili and I do not take sides." Gandalf intoned, the book falling shut at the end of his words.

 

Fili swallowed down a rise of nerves for what he was about to ask. He had hoped for something more... Reassuring... "I... We..." He began to walk forward, his confidence growing as he spoke of the problem that had been looming across his thoughts like a shadow. "We need your helping to get rid of this woman, Mrs Sackville-Baggins."

  
  
"It will not surprise you to hear that I cannot agree to that Fili." Gandalf replied in a serious tone, peering over the rims of his glasses.

 

Well... That was not quite what Fili had hoped for, he changed tactic.

 

"Then will you promise to let us do whatever we need to get rid of her." 

 

"Are you prepared to accept the consequences?" Gandalf asked softly. 

 

"Yes." Fili replied without hesitation. 

 

"You promise?" The professor intoned softly. 

 

"Yes, yes. I promise." Fili agreed, nearly bobbing his head along with his words. 

 

Gandalf, however, did not seem pleased, he did not seem displeased though... He gave a hmm and a huff at the agreement while his gaze pinned Fili into place. Fili tried to push away the feeling of guilt, he had to do this for his uncle. For him and Fili. They couldn't let their uncle marry someone he didn't love. It wasn't right. He stared back at Gandalf, matching the pale blue eyes with his own Durin blue ones. 

 

Gandalf sighed and caved only a few moments later. "Then, as you say, I will let you do whatever you need to get rid of her."

 

"Thank-you," Fili replied earnestly, a smile wide on his face and the breath returning to his body. "Thank-you." He repeated before dashing from the room to collect the others. There was so much to plan! 

 

Gandalf watched him go and then shook his head. "Durins." He murmured and swallowed down the rest of his wine. 

 

{}

 

That afternoon, there came the quick footsteps and heeled shoes of a woman. The geese scattered at her approach, almost sensing that something evil was approaching and ran for cover. The lady in question rounded the side of the house, dressed in an almost painfully bright shade of pink with frills, lace, fur and parasol to match. Her dark brown curls were piled on top of under a pink hat. Pink. Pink. _Pink._  

 

Thorin wondered for a moment if his eyes would bleeding under the pink horror that was striding up to the front door, shrieking in the manner of a banshee. her face was one of twisted joy, her arms fanning out to coo in squeals at the sight of the children. Thorin had managed to convince Fili and Kili to be present for the arrival of Mrs Sackville-Baggins, or as she had put it so in her letter _'You're dear Lobelia'._  Thorin had fought the urge down to vomit as he had struggled to read the message through the looping hand. 

 

Kili and Fili flinched at the sight of her, their faces scrunching with pain at her shrieks. Thorin silently agreed with them, viewing the woman's behaviour and outfit with as much pleasure as one facing down a poisoned snake smothered in pink lace. 

 

"Look at them! Look at them!" Lobelia cooed. "The little..." her face momentarily twisted as she searched for words of praise. "Small things." She learnt down a smile that seemed to be more teeth than a real pleasure. Thorin fought back the urge to push himself between his nephews and the woman.

 

"Children, this is Mrs Sackville-Baggins." Thorin introduced with a grimace while his nephews exchanging wary looks. 

 

"Oh, you mustn't start on such a formal note." Lobelia cried, flapping her hands and simpering as he moved to reluctantly stand next to her. "You must call me, Aunty Lobelia." She explained, reaching forward and pinching Kili's cheeks. Kili looked unimpressed. Fili looked like he was about to bite 'Aunty Lobelia's' hand off. Even Gandalf did not seem amused. 

 

Thorin quickly stepped forward to prevent the loss of any fingers. "Shall we go inside?"

 

  
"Oh yes!" Lobelia cried, pushing up her bosom as she fanned herself, nearly draping herself at his side. "One works up such a thirst in this heat." 

 

Thorin was remained mute for a second at the sight of such horror before he remembered his part. 

 

"Oh. Yes. Tea, please go inside." He motioned with his arm. 

 

"And leave these little ones? How could you ask me to do such a thing?" Lobelia reprimanded, giggling in what he supposed was a girlish manner that grated on his nerves horribly. Furthermore, she moved rapidly inside despite her words, hitching up her skirts and petticoats while leaving Thorin to chase after her. 

 

Behind her back, the brothers exchanged wide-eyed looks and chased off to collect their friends. 

 

{} 

 

"Ohhhhhh, the heart of the house." Lobelia squealed, sweeping into the study. Thorin winced at the volume that such a small body could produce and shut the door behind him. 

 

"Yes." He said, trying to smile pleasantly. 

 

"The old bachelor's den." Lobelia continued, oblivious to Thorin's minute frown of displeasure. He certainly wasn't old. Just... Mature. "Just enchanting." 

 

"Yes." He growled softly before he forced his tone to something more soothing. 

 

"Ohhh! You read all these books?" Lobelia enquired, indicating with her parasol. 

 

"Well,-" Thorin began but was overruled. 

 

"Never." Lobelia dismissed, pushing Thorin's temper yet again. 

 

"Why don't you take my chair?" He offered, gesturing her into it rather than giving in to the desire to snarl at her. 

 

Lobelia went without compliant and was just on the verge of sitting down when her eyes strayed across to the other chair. To be precise, Dis's chair. She gave a squeak that twisted painfully into Thorin's eardrums.

 

"What have we here?" She asked playfully, battering her eyelashes maddeningly. "I see there are already provisions for a lady, how thoughtful you are." Lobelia smirked up at him, Thorin meanwhile watched with resignation as Lobelia moved herself and her skirts towards the chair. May Dis had mercy upon his soul, Thorin prayed quietly.

 

"What a gentleman..." Lobelia added, moving to sit down when a hand appeared behind with an arrow in hand ready to pierce an unsuspecting sitter. 

 

Thorin felt his breath leave his body, he ducked forward to the chair as if he had been struck by lightning. 

 

"Er! Wait!" He cried in horror. Lobelia, thank god, rose at his words with a mystified expression. "Just let me make it comfortable for you..." Thorin explained, reaching for the cushion to hide his actions. 

 

Lobelia's faces morphed from one of confusion to one of arrogant delight. "Too, too precious..." She whined while Thorin grabbed onto the arrow and attempted to wrench it from its owner. It would not be released willingly, he felt his face twisted as Kili behind the chair fought back against his uncle's grip. 

 

"Here in the male dominion, an oasis of feminine charm and elegance." Lobelia continued, just as Thorin pulled the arrow free and threw it into a corner of the room. 

 

"Just as I thought." He near shouted to his oblivious companion. "Dusty." Thorin growled and he gave the chair a firm thump, knocking Kili back from it, he served the boy a glare and the child crawled away without being seen. 

  
  
Then he turned back to Lobelia. "There, perfect. Thumped and ready to go." God give him the strength to make it through this afternoon.

 

"There you go again, nothing is too much for you." Lobelia mused in a sickly sweet tone, finally taking her seat. Thorin took him, finding his legs far more unsteady than to his liking. "I remember remarking on that fine quality on at sad day-" At this Lobelia's face changed to what might have been a look of sorrow."-when we buried Mr Sackville-Baggins." Thorin tried to constrict his face into what he hoped was a sympathetic look.

 

"In the demented state of my grief I said to my friend Mrs Carter, you remember Mrs Carter? She takes a little too much sun for her age." Thorin wasn't truly listening anymore, Lobelia's voice blurred into something of a buzzing as he watched a monstrous-looking spider descend from the ceiling to crawl into Lobelia's curl on top of her head. Oh God, should he tell her? Should he grab it? Would she notice? The thing was a rustic brown with shading, it's feelers beginning to creep across its new world. If she found out, it would be the end of everything. Thorin felt a light sheen begin to crest his brow as he scrambled for something to do!

 

"Anyways, I said kindness seems to be second nature to him. He is a perfect gentleman..." Lobelia continued smiling sweetly, Thorin smiled back, his throat constricting for a moment as Lobelia reached up and brushed her fingers through her curls at her ear mere inches from the spider. 

 

"...There is something so masculine yet so retiring in his nature." The spider took courage and began to creep rapidly down the right side of Lobelia's faces. 

 

Thorin needed to act now, otherwise, everything would be for nought! He threw himself from his chair, earning a gasp come squeal from Lobelia as he pitched himself into her front. He climbed into her lap, gritting his teeth at the feeling of her... Body pressing up against him and the squawks that leapt from her lips as he grabbed onto the wriggling furry body. As soon as it was secure, he wrenched himself free and turned to the mantlepiece to hide his cupped hand.

 

"Mr Durin!" Lobelia huffed, her hat eschew and her rouged cheeks flushed further as she pulled herself up and began to flap about herself. 

 

"Forgive me. I do not know what came over me." Thorin responded gruffly, screaming internally as he delivered the creature into a small mother of pearl box for safety. Thorin hated spiders, and when he said hated he should say loathe. It was something that he had received endless teasing for as a child. 

 

"Oh, I do!" Lobelia babbled as he retook his seat, establishing the distance between them once more with some relief.

 

"I understand, I never took for such..." Her eyes were bright and wide, Thorin offered her plate of sandwiches in an attempt to calm her. The wide eyes were unnerving, to say the least. "But now I see it, passion is your nature." 

  
  
She continued, her voice high and breathless. "Passion is your nature too, I feel it." Lobelia emphasized strongly, Thorin, however, was not listening. Again. His eyes had strayed to the tiny perfect finger sandwich prepared by Bombur. Unaware, a long wriggling worm poked and wriggled its body from the tiny sandwich in the woman's clawed hands. From the door, Gimli poked his head through to watch his contribution to the afternoon bear fruit with great joy. 

 

"Passion is my life. Who thought we were such kindred spirits." Thorin could only nod and watch in horror as a long body wriggled in its death trap. He moved to intervene but was overruled, from under the desk Tauriel prayed silently for the woman to eat it. 

  
  
"In what Mr Durin, what is life without it?" Lobelia shrugged as she spoke, Thorin moved to speak and only a jumble of sounds came forth before Lobelia spoke again. "A grey wheel of habit spinning idly on." She concluded with woe, then her cherry coloured mouth opened wide and the sandwich disappeared with a crunch. Thorin looked away, his eyes fluttering shut as he fought a tide of nausea. Gimli whooped silently from his hiding place.

 

Lobelia, on the other hand, knew nothing, in fact, she made a noise of pleasure and reached for a second sandwich. Thorin's hand shot out of its violation to prevent her, he was sure that even she would notice on the second one. 

 

"This is no time for food!" He snapped, forgetting himself before remembering that he was supposed to be charming. "Mrs Sackville-Baggins.

 

Thankfully, Lobelia seemed to interpret his words in a different light. "Lobelia." She reprimanded, dabbing at her mouth.

 

"I couldn't possibly swallow it." That was certainly true. "Under the circumstances..." He finished lamely.

 

"You're tempestuous Mr Duirn." Lobelia replied, winking and simpering. 

 

"Tea?" Thorin asked, fighting back the return of nausea.

 

"Yes. Tea." Lobelia agreed, holding out her cup for Thorin to pour. 

 

And Thorin did as commanded, however, the tea appeared to be have been tampered with as well. From the sliver, spot lobbed large splatterings of frogspawn into the fine white cup. The jelly massed shuddered and danced under Thorin's horrified gaze. That was certainly not tea... 

 

"We must look to blanket the raw impulses with that reliable beverage..."

  
  
Thorin opened up the teapot, out of the lid came a loud croak and a toad popped out from inside. It's warty brown skin reflected as some sort of monster against the shimmering surface of the teapot, it gave an almost indignant croak at Thorin for having to be imprisoned before sliding wetly to the ground and hopping away with an air of great irritation. 

 

"Nice bit of porcelain. Bespoke? Most certainly. Sliver ware most likely as well." God's above was the woman still talking? Did it ever cease? Thorin looked up guilty and catch returned to the crisis at hand. "As I was saying..." Lobelia prattled on, unaware of the horror that lay in her cup.

 

"So essential for upholding the norm." She raised the cup to her lips and Thorin leapt forward again, his fingers clasping around the cup and ripping it free from her grasp. 

 

"You don't want that!" He cried, dashing it to the tray before returning his eyes to Lobelia who looked wild once more. 

 

"How right you are..." She breathed, her cheeks two dots of bright pink while her brown eyes flashed manically. To Thorin's dismay, her clawed hands catch onto his own and proceeded to grip him with a strength that shocked him. How could such a frail creature have such a grip?! He felt trapped, unable to look away as Lobelia's eyes bore into his. 

 

"You see my innermost self. What is tea when we can drink from the nectar of our emotions?" Thorin nearly scoffed at such drivel, looking to the heavens to pray for mercy only to discover that the heavens had further punishment in store for him. 

 

Above Lobelia's head, a large wooden shovel slowly crept through the lace drapes that fluttered so innocently in the afternoon breeze. On the shovel there wibbled and wobbled a ruby red jelly, threatening to fall at any moment. Thorin's chest constricted. Really?! A jelly?! Were the worms and the spider not enough? He would have been almost impressed if he wasn't terrified at the horrors his imagination painted at the idea of the jelly meeting it's intended, victim. 

 

"Let the common herd drink tea, our souls need-" Legolas, positioned on top of a wardrobe wavered his hand to stop the jelly moving further. It was now perfectly positioned to fall. "-need a more divine substance." Lobelia grinned and nearly snarled her words in passion, fighting with Thorin's hands to keep him within her grip. The jelly began to turn above her as Legolas gave a thumbs up.


	11. Tea Time - Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The consequences come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go again!

For the third time that afternoon, Thorin found himself leaping from his seat and jumping onto Lobella. Although, the third time seemed to be the charm. As he jumped, Lobella kept her grip on him and with a squawk, the pair were thrown to the floor in a tumble of limbs. Joining them on the floor came the table and the tea set, meeting the rug with a ringing crash. The jelly missed it's target, splattering to the aged fibres in a mess of ruby mush.

 

"You mad fool!" Lobella cried, pushing on Thorin as Thorin tried equally in his attempts to free himself from her.

 

"I say, not here! Not amongst the cutlery!" Lobella protested half{}heartedly, her bosom heaving even as sugar cubes dotted her curls. Thorin pulled back onto his knees, waving away her words before an odd rattling noise grabbed his attention.

 

In the corner nestled in a crook was Fili who was winding a crank round and round a machine. A lightbulb blinked and warmed into existence, a long black wire protruding from the machine. Thorin felt his heart drop... Oh god, he should have never read them, Frankenstein. His heart followed the wire as it twisted and wrapped it's away around the room.

 

Lobella was still natting in the background but Thorin paid her little mind, something about herself and her reputation. Electric crackled blue and white, burning into Thorin's retina's as he traced its the path. Around the fireplace, around the painting, up around the top of the door frame and down, down, down to wrap around the brass handle of the doorknob where the copper wire had been laid. Yet again, Thorin felt horror rush cold and icy down his spine as Lobella staggered to her feet and began to make for the door.

 

"Wait!" Thorin shouted, pushing himself up and slamming the woman into the door. His hand caught hold of the knob, the voltage leaving him shuddering against her.

 

"Mr Durin! You are a flame!" Lobella squealed as she looked in awe at his shaking body. "I am only a widow, how am I suppose to best you?"

 

From her position, Tauriel waved frantically at Fili to stop him as their prank failed again to reach their intended target. Fili gave a great huff of disappointment and released the crank, shutting off the current and allowing Thorin to fall to his knees in a mumbling, twitching heap of a man. He slipped down the front of Lobella's dress who pushed him back, seizing her opportunity.

 

"All it takes is one little question." She spread her arms wide, hair and hat eschew as if welcoming him. Thorin could barely utter a coherent sentence, rambling incoherently.

 

"And I'm yours." She found the doorknob, now devoid of electricity and opened the door, creeping backwards slowly.

 

"Ask me. Ask me or you'll lose me forever..."

 

"Ejgm... Noaa... No... Noo.." Thorin mumbled and pulled the threads of his senses together to clasp onto the frail hand.

 

"Absolutely." Thorin blurted out.

 

"Say it. Say itttt." Lobella teased sweetly, her nails near digging into his palm.

 

But Thorin's focus had once again shifted for behind her lay the sight of Kili and Gimli preparing a slingshot filed with sicky, grey porridge that they were plopping into the shot with every word that Lobella uttered from beneath the stairs.

 

"Say it..." Lobella whispered, leaning almost double to gaze at Thorin.

 

"No!" Thorin thundered as the pair pulled back the slingshot ready to fire. He pushed himself forward, slamming the woman into the wall while the intended missile hit him in the back with a wet splatter of creamy oats.

 

His arms wrapped around her, pressing him to her chest. The smell of her perfume was like breathing in the fumes of a lamp, heady and toxic, leaving Thorin's head spinning as he tried to fight his way free.

 

Lobella, on the other hand, had finally found the end of the tether, she was not a woman who suffered rejection well.

 

"No!" She squeaked, her voice high and tears glimmering in her eyes like a child who had been denied a toy.

 

"This is too much Sir!" Behind them, Kili and Gimli rolled around in giggling glee at the sight.

 

"You are a cad." Lobella snarled and whipped her hand back in a slap that had Thorin's head snapping back. He wouldn't think the woman would have been capable had he not experienced it herself. It left his cheek feeling numb and swollen, it was this that broke the camel's back.

 

Thorin left himself slip down the wall, down, down and finally to fall into a lump in the corner as Lobella make her exit in squeaks and screams of being dishonoured. Thorin could barely bring himself to rise, knowing that he last chance had slipped through his fingers.

 

{}

 

Later that evening, Kili and Fili were still giggling over the events of the afternoon. They could not have been prouder with themselves, they had saved their uncle from the wicked woman and had achieved such feats!

 

"And then she eat them! She eat them Fili!" Kili cried, cringing in joyful horror. Fili smirked and giggled along with his brother till the sound of feet trudging up the stairs to their bedroom silenced their conversation.

 

Together, they peeked out the bathroom door to the sight of a world{}weary Thorin looking about for the pair. His collar was undone, his waistcoat gone and his hair was as dishevelled as on the day... Fili gulped slightly, he had not seen his uncle like this since the funeral.

 

"She's gone." Thorin stated the brothers shared smirks of trip triumph between them. Thorin sighed and wandered over to the window, the golden sunset of the day casting a golden hue to his features but leaving the lines of his face heavy with shadow. He looked as though he had aged five years in the last few days.

 

"The only person in the whole world who stands between us and total ruin." Thorin turned back to them, the brothers exchanged looks and their smiles fell simultaneously.

 

"And she's gone..." Their uncle finished softly.

 

"What ruin?" Kili enquired curiously.

 

Thorin sat down heavily and took a deep breath. "There's no time to mince words. I cannot sport the family, I never have been able to. When you’re Grandfather Thráin lost the family fortune… It was myself and Dis who took it upon ourselves to support and provide." He took a moment to drag his hand through his hair, then smiled fondly at them.

 

"There was always one thing after another, and then Dis was married so young and you two came along. By God, you were both so wonderful." Gandalf smiled and sighed in the corner, Thorin wasn't sure if he had always been there or if he had just come in.

 

Nevertheless, it felt right that he should be there.

 

"And when you're parents became so ill, I told her that she would have to slow down she just said 'I know." Thorin smiled in a sort of grim fondness at the remembrance.

 

"The fact of the matter is, you're Great Grandfather Thrór has been supporting the family financially for years now with a monthly allowance." Their uncle took a breath, almost preparing himself to continue speaking.

 

"A little while ago he told me that I had to..." Thorin twisted his fingers together before forcing out the last part of the sentence.

 

"To take a wife otherwise the allowance would stop." Fili felt his body become heavy with dread and guilt, he took a seat heavily on the floor.

 

"This woman today, she was my last chance. Our last chance." Thorin confessed softly, his eyes sweeping over the pair.

 

"Ours?" Kili chorused.

 

"When the money stops, the house will be taken. You might go to stay with distant relatives or perhaps be adopted into other families, I hope against all odds that you're grandfather would take you both in or perhaps that one of our friends. However, I don't know if you'll be able to stay together." He concluded, his eyes heavy with a sort of listlessness.

 

Kili's fingers, small and cold closed around Fili's suddenly. Fili gripped back tightly, too tightly if truth be told but Kili didn't make any sounds of protest. The brothers exchanged looks of worriment. They had always been together, it was Fili and Kili, right from the moment they had been born. Who would they be without each other?

 

The twin gazes of trepidation turned back to Thorin as he moved to stand before them.

 

"I am sorry to have failed you both, you deserve... So much better." Thorin lamented softly, eyes glimmering too brightly as he strode from the room.

 

{}

 

The moment his steps began to descend the steps Fili and Kili scrambled to their feet and shuffled to Gandalf's side with pleading gazes.

 

"Do something," Kili begged in a small panicky tone.

 

Gandalf fixed him with a hard stare.

 

"And what would you have me do?"

 

"Change what happened. Bang you're stick, make it undo itself." Fili replied with a sort of desperate hopefulness.

 

"I cannot, these were your own actions. Fili promised that you would accept the consequences." Gandalf explained gently over Kili's moan of despair.

 

Fili had still not given up, however. "What shall we do? Tell us what to do Gandalf!" He implored.

 

"You must undo it yourselves." The professor replied, his lips turning up into a smile.

 

"How? How?!" Fili replied, still very much in the dark.

 

"Think. You are very clever children. Think." Gandalf replied, and that was the only hint they received.

 

That night, long after Gandalf had turned off the light, Fili crawled into Kili's bed. The two hugged each other and whispered till the sun rose, planning what to do next.

 

{}

 

In the town, off a perfectly respectable road lay a perfectly respectable home. The house itself was neat and proper as a freshly pressed handkerchief. Tiny prim blossoms bloomed on tiny prim trees with tiny trimmed hedges surrounded the cottage. To the sugary pink door lay a pink gravel path, beyond which one could hear the shrieks of laughter exchanged between two women.

 

 Inside the house there was little change from the theme, there were tiny figures of china dancing with all manner of animals, surrounded by gold frames and an abundance of pink silk. This was further infused with floral print.

 

There was floral print on the walls, on the curtains, the crockery, the carpet, the cushions and not to mention the current occupants. Lobella squeaked and exclaimed her story from the sickeningly pink chaise lounge beside her friend Mrs Carter.

 

"He was in a maddening condition. He couldn't keep his hands off me! I said, Thorn. I mean Thorin{}" Though early in the day, the two women had started on the gin early to fully appreciate the embellished story at hand.

 

"{}I have my reputation to uphold. It's marriage or nothing. I mean, what do you take me for some common{}" Lobella was forced to pause at a number of small taps at the door.

 

"Tart?" Mrs Carter filled in.

 

"Not for me, I had second breakfast only a moment ago," Lobella replied, sipping her gin and reclining.

 

"No, some common tart." Mrs Carter explained. "You said that{}"

 

However, the knocking persisted and the ladies abandoned their conversation in the hope that the man of the topic had come himself to the door.

 

{}

 

"I had to fumble with my fastenings{}" Lobella exclaimed as she opened the door, Mrs Carter twitched open the foaming lace curtains to view the scene before her. Although, the pair had received some very unexpected visitors indeed.

 

Before Lobella stood the nephews of Mr Durin and their friends alongside them. All shared a similarly guilty and serious look as they stood before the surprised woman.

 

"Oh..." Lobella exclaimed in some amusement.

 

"Mrs Sackville{}Baggins, we're very sorry about the tea you had with our father." Fili said in a serious tone.

 

"Typical of a man, sending his little ones to do the dirty work." Lobella cried, revealing in her power as she watched the assembled children squirm beneath her gaze.

 

"No! He doesn't know were..." Fili began but then thought better of it, he needed to keep the conversation on track. "What I mean if he very much wants to marry you."

 

"It was very clear what he wanted and marriage had nothing to do with it. No wonder there's so many of you." Lobella replied tartly, moving to shut the door.

 

"Wait!" Tauriel cried, halting the door's movements. "Their Uncle wasn't being rude. No one on earth could be less rude."

 

Lobella returned from behind the door.

 

"He was just trying to protect you from all the naughty things we were doing."

 

"The toad in the teapot." Legolas said quietly.

 

"And the wormy sandwiches." Kili confessed.

 

"That was my idea!" Gimli added, earning a sharp elbow from Legolas. "I mean, my fault."

 

"I have no idea what you can be referring to. Don't try to make excuses for him, he's a scoundrel and a cad{}" Lobella exclaimed tartly, her voice rising with each word.

 

"No, he's not," Fili replied stoning, his tone bearing such authority that even Lobella was silenced.

 

"He's a good man, and he was only trying to save us."

 

"If he doesn't marry then... Then all the money will go and we'll be thrown out onto the streets." Fili confessed.

 

"Money? What money?" Lobella snapped, curiosity sparkly in her eyes. Fili felt a smile twitch at his mouth. Hook, line and sinker.

 

"Our Grandfather Thrór's money." Kili added.

 

"Sir Thrór Durin." Legolas stressed in a prim tone.

 

"Sir? Well, that does change matters." Lobella squeaked, her face pulling into a tight smile of eagerness.

 

{}

 

"Mr Durin!" Lobella cried, bursting into Thorin's study with all the energy of a whirlwind. Thorin immediately scrambled to his feet with as much grace as he could muster, spluttering and searching for words as the sudden appearance. Behind the frantic woman came the sight of his nephews and their friends. Thorin felt his suspicions raise, what had they been up to?

 

Lobella dropped to a half bow and then surged forward, close enough that Thorin took a step back to avoid having his feet stepped on in her wake.

 

"Mrs Sackville{}Baggins." He replied in quiet bewilderment.

 

"You're children have explained everything to me." Lobella bleeted. "Explained?" Thorin inquired.

 

"That the little tricks over tea were just the result of a motherless condition." Her eyes flickered back group momentarily, pausing on the twins, before rushing on. "That they only need a woman's presence in the house to calm their tempers and that you could benefit quite as much from that comforting presence, pathetic and lonely as you are."

 

Lobella continued in animated tones, barely pausing for breath. "And all it takes{}" She drew breath, switching her eyes back to the group and then to Thorin who felt like a rabbit cornered before a fox. "{}is one little question Thorin." Lobella shook back her dark curls and cleared her throat expectantly.

 

Thorin's brain had been trying to keep up with the conversation but it was a struggle. His eyes moved to the children's looking for a hint, he felt positively lost in the areas of courtship with a... A... Woman. Fili catch onto to his dilemma and went down on one knee, motioning a box opening. A ring... Knee... Thorin's brain ticked frantically before it came to an answer. Yes! Marriage and that meant a proposal and down on one knee.

 

"Oh... Yes... Of course..." Feeling as graceful as a newborn calf, Thorin clambered down to his knees, grunting as they meet the floor and took Lobella's hand between his own.

 

"Mrs Sackville{}Baggins." He began seriously.

 

"Lobella." Lobella whispered, smirking.

 

"Of course, Lobella." Thorin corrected, gritting his teeth against a surge of hot embarrassment.

 

"Would you do me the honour of..." His face pulled to a smile but he felt oddly short of breath.

 

"Would you do the honour of my..." Lobelia's face started to strain, Thorin's face felt tight and painful.

 

"Of becoming my..." What in God's name was wrong with him?!

 

"Wife." Gimli staged whispered from the door.

 

"Yes, wife, that's the word I was looking for." Thank god.

 

"Yes. Oh yes, Thorin." Lobella trilled, her fingers tightening.

 

Then she leaned down and took his head in her hands. The smell of her perfume was similar to a toxic cloud, leaving Thorin's swimming as a pair of lips meet his cheek. The lips maintained for a long, long moment. Thorin shared a sort of surreal eye contact with the children who watched the exchange with awed disgust as Lobella marked Thorin with a lipstick kiss on his cheek.

 

When she turned back, the look of triumph was that of a dragon who had finally claimed a horde of treasure. She clambered up and smiled back at the group in a charming, sickly sweet manner.

 

"Run along, children, let your uncle had a little tiny with his new wife." She cooed sweetly before she shut the door in their faces. Was this what it felt like to be a condemned man? Thorin thought in dread.

 

{}

 

That evening, Thorin came to see his nephews just before they climbed into bed. Everything seemed to have settled now, a sort of calm had been brought forth after the trail of excitement and chaos in the hours before.

 

Thorin came and took his seat of Fili's bed, Kili wandered across the room and lifted his arms expectantly as soon as he sat down. He was a practised hand at this, Thorin's hands quickly slipped around Kili's waist and brought him onto his lap. Kili snuggled into his left side and Fili wriggled up his bed to move into his right. For a few moments, they all basked in the feeling of closeness.  

 

"I'm sorry." He said softly.

 

"I should have told you." Truly, he wished he had told them all, but he had wanted to protect them. He wanted them to be carefree, just for a little longer.

 

Gandalf silently melted from the room, he wasn't needed for this lesson.

 

"No, it was our fault." Fili retorted earnestly.

 

"We should have known you had a good reason for getting married again." Thorin chuckled lightly.

 

"Well, at least, whatever happens, we will all be together and that's what matters most." A wide smile pulled at his mouth, the first real smile in days.

 

Fili and Kili hummed their agreement, their heads bobbing nearly in sync.

 

"And I promise I will never hide anything that effects you ever again. You're all more than capable of understanding it." Fili smiled, gratified that his uncle thought they were so grown up.

 

"Uncle Thorin?" Kili enquired suddenly.

 

"Yes, my boy?"

 

"Do you think mother still thinks about us where she is?"

"I'm sure she does." Thorin replied in a sincere tone. "I know she does." A fond smile pulled at his mouth.

 

Kili nodded and after a moment, he smiled as well.

 

A moment of quiet silence past.

 

"Now... Kili, why don't you choose us a story?" Thorin asked softly, unwillingly to disturb the coon that had enveloped them. Fili smiled wider, it was wonderful to see their uncle smile.

 

{}

 

When both the boys had dropped into a deep slumber, lost to their dreams of an epic quest of dragons, mountains, dwarves and other magical realms Thorin padded through the house. Everything was inky with darkness, wrapped up in the silence of the night.

 

Gandalf's voice slipped through the silence as he crossed into the hallway, not startling him but more... It was reassuring, comforting him like an old friend.

 

"Lesson four is complete." Thorin stopped and turned, Gandalf was behind him, face cast into the shadow under the lamps.

 

"Lesson four?" Gandalf stepped forward, his face seemed to have lost it's crumbled and worn appearance. Now it was more crinkled, more youthful. The ever{}persistent twinkle shone brightly as a star.

 

"To listen." Gandalf explained quietly. Thorin found himself oddly touched and swallowed hard.

 

"Well done." With that, Gandalf swept away in a swirl of grey robes.

 

His heart gave a thump at the words, well done huh? Thorin's face felt tight with emotion but he still smiled. It was exactly the kind of thing Dis would have said to him, his mind turned back to the sound of her voice and then further to the sound of her singing a lullaby.

 

The soft words rang softly in his head as he meandered through the house, coming to find himself staring down at the empty chair in his study.

 

Thorin settled into his chair eventually and allowed his mind to turn over and think. He indulged in sentimental thoughts, mournful thoughts and even melancholy ones. He considered the future, the past and the present. Most of all, however, he thought of what now was impossible, the romantic notion of a young man with golden curls sitting with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly can't wait to write the next chapter, it has one of my favourite parts of the film! It'll be my first time including a wedding in a piece.


	12. One Must Beehive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a wedding. There are ideas. There are some unspoken truths flying about alongside the cakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wedding! Finally! I imaged this fic to move a lot quicker, but finally the end has been reached. *Cheers* I now will also add in all the little lines about the company that I want to add.

Thorin was amazed that the wedding had even arrived in a fit state, invitations and preparations had been made over a week alone. There were cakes, flowers, a venue and even outfits for the children to be all sorted. He had begged favours left to right and centre from his friends, despite their suspicion of Thorin's sanity at wanting to marry the woman. Some outright considered him insane, Dwalin had forced him to be checked by Oin when he had first heard the news as Thorin asked him to the best man. Bifur had spat some rather charming curses at the name of the woman while Nori had Dori had both smashed a teacup after dropping them in surprise when the invitation arrived over breakfast.

 

And Ori, he was an entirely different matter. The tiny priest had treated Thorin extremely coldly for the majority of the wedding build-up, something that was almost unheard of in Ori's kind nature. It was like attempting to talk to an extremely passive-aggressive snarky wall. He had agreed to reluctantly hold the ceremony after Dwalin near begged him on Thorin's behalf, and Ori loved to perform weddings! However, he still believed that Thorin was; a) a moron for not marrying Bilbo, b) that his marrying Lobella of all people was a sure sign of his madness and c) that the wedding was far to pink for anyone with rational sense.

 

The opinion that Thorin had finally cracked was one that seemed to be shared in the company, he was marrying Lobella after all. Even Thranduil had looked at him in cool concern, Thranduil of all people! Only Balin had looked at him in confusion for a moment before accepting the situation and offering his support in the matter. Thorin still caught wizened man frowning at Thorin under his feathery white eyebrow with a look of such pity that Thorin had glared in return. He had spent a lot of the past few days glaring, repressing his heart further and further down into his chest while his finance nattered on about what colour napkins she wanted. Rose or blush? Did it matter? They were both pink.

 

{}

 

Nevertheless, the day arrived in a glorious display of English summer complete with blue sky, fluffy white clouds and a cake covered in fuschia pink and green marzipan. (Thorin had prayed for it to rain. Secretly, of course.) Along the aisle, the lady of the hour walked with Mrs Carter, near sumptuously decorated. Lobella oozed pride at the sight of her wedding, the lambs had been dyed only yesterday! There were garlands and streamers alongside the pastel tents surrounded by roses. It was all so respectable and proper, as it should be.

 

"The big day! Oh, I do love my weddings." Lobella cried, near bouncing.

 

"Mr Durin, what's he like?" Mrs Carter asked, lavishly accompanying the bride in deep purple and orange satin in many ruffled layers.

 

"No idea, keen as mustard to tie the not though." The two women shared a look and continued onwards. "Couldn't get this all sorted out quick enough, only got the sheep-dipped yesterday." The pastel lambs in question bleated mournfully, one yellow and the other pink. "But he's easily controlled, more than can be said for his nasty little brats."

 

"How over will you manage them?" Mrs Carter asked as the ladies plucked a pair of sugar roses off a cake.

 

"Oh, I have a few tricks up my sleeve." Lobella replied airly through the sweet treat. "I've started by giving them a good clean up-oh don't they look lovely!" She squealed, fanning over the sight of herself atop the wedding cake alongside Thorin.

 

{}

In the hallway, the children had been assembled for a final check and to greet their guests. It was also a tactical move on Thorin's part, leaving the children no opportunity to dress the farm animals in their wedding clothes. Not that he would have minded particularly; the sight of the bright green silk, deep pink satin ribbons, buttons and white lace was... Frightful... He had nearly choked on his tongue when Lobella had airly mentioned her plan to have the children as "shepherds and shepherdess'. He had never seen Tauriel looked so dismayed, nor so murderous as the bonnet and crook had been thrust upon her.

 

"Kili, your top button is undone." Gandalf commented as he swept his eyes over them. Kili immediately turned his gaze to fiddle with it, gaining little success.

 

"Tauriel you have a little hair caught in your crook, Fili helps her." Fili did as told, pulling the strand free from the ribbons and flowers wrapping around the handle. "Your father will be down in a minute." Gandalf added.

 

Lobella, however, arrived before him, her face lighting up at the sight of pristine white cloth and tidy children. "Now that is an improvement, Betty go keep a lookout." She ordered, then turned to Gandalf with a dismissive air. She had taken a particular dislike of the man, he had refused to wear anything colourful for her wedding and had seemed able to change the subject every time she had brought it up.

 

"I say, whatever your name is, I don't suppose you could give me a second alone with the little darlings." She asked, grinning sweetly.

 

It did have any effect, much to Lobella's irritation but Gandalf conceded and bowed before sweeping down the hall to listen behind the next wall. He didn't trust Lobella, there was something about her that made Gandalf's fingers itch for his cane. And it was not because she was unbearably rude, no that was another matter entirely.

 

"Now my dears." Lobella began, smiling so wide they could count her pearly white teeth behind her thin red lips. "There's going to be some changes made around here." She began to pace along the line, staring down each of them intently.

 

"I'm in charge of this house now..." Each eye followed her, the children could all sense the underlying threats of her words. "And when I'm in charge, you children will behave. Did you hear?" Her voice dropped to the caress of a whisper, soft and dangerous as she paused in front of Kili.

 

" _Behave."_ She whispered again, leaning down to meet Kili's eye level. Kili felt his body shiver with fear and he leaned back, away from the clogging scent of roses and the whispering voice.

   
  
When she turned away, Kili suddenly broke free of his trance. "Hey! She's got mother's hairpin in her hair!" And so it was there, glittering amongst the curls like a fallen star. Kili felt his eyes fill with tears, rage and horror at the sight of something so precious taken from them but their enemy!

 

Fili made a snatch for it, but Lobella simply dogged and tutted at him. "It was our mother's rattle, give it back!" He cried, fear turning his voice weak and whinny while Lobella simply smirked at him. 

  
"I'm your mother now." She replied haughtily, patting the pin gracefully. "Time to adapt." 

  
  
Kili sniffed and Tauriel took his hand, quieting him. All viewed Lobella with terror now, she, on the other hand, revelled in the power she now had over them.

  
  
From behind the wall, Gandalf watched the scene with a blank face and a dark look in his eye. He hummed in an unimpressed manner quietly, his eyebrows were drawn into a frown. 

 

{}

 

The scene was interrupted at the sound of Thorin's shoes climbing down the stairs from his room. His suit had, mercifully, been chosen to be a pearly grey. He had wanted to wear dark blue, to honour his family but had been firmly overruled. Thus he had conceded to wear a royal blue tie instead, despite how Lobella pouted at the choice. In this he would not be moved, he had even braided his hair back from his father. It would at the very least please his grandfather. 

 

"Uncle, Mrs Sackville-Baggins just-" Kili began, desperate to seek revenge against the woman but was cut off by Gimli standing on his toe. 

  
  
Thorin looked mystified as the sentence was lost, meanwhile, Lobella was all sweet smiles and pleasantries once more. 

 

"Yoohoo Thorin." She cried happily. Thorin nodded at her, his attention shifting between the sight of the children's clothes and his bride to be. He wasn't sure which were gaudier, the wide white hats the boys had to wear was certainly not helping the situation. 

  
  
Kili looked over at Gimli who shook his head, ' _later_ ' he mouthed quietly.

 

"I realise the bride and groom shouldn't meet before the ceremony but after all, I am an old hand at this." Lobella nattered on, offering her hand to Thorin to kiss.

 

Behind her words, the crunch of gravel sounded outside, Thorin smiled but his mind was focused on the approaching storm. He shook her hand, much to Lobella's confusion. This was forgotten at the sound of Mrs Carter's shrieks at the arrival of the carriage. 

 

"He's here! Lord Thrór! He's here!" She squealed, dashing back to Lobella's side in breathless agitation. "Lobella... There are footmen." She near breathed.

 

Bombur stormed up the stairs at the arrival of the carriage, wishing to see Bilbo much more than the stuffy old man. Thrór had written to the invitation saying that his 'adopted son', Thorin had snorted at that, would be accompanying him to the wedding. 

 

Thus, it turned to Lobella, Mrs Carter and Bombur all attempting to fight down the narrow corridor to answer the door first. It was an impressive sight, Bombur only winning by a hair despite his bulk. Many elbows were used in the battle alongside numerous shrieks. Thorin would have laughed if he hadn't been able to unlatch his tongue from the top of his mouth. 

 

The door swung open to admit the sight of Lord Thrór, resplendent in stony grey lined with deep blue, sapphires and sliver covering buttons and trimmings over his suit. He sparked near as much like a diamond but his face carried the same aloof look as ever. 

 

"Where's the woman then ?" He demanded coldly, his eyebrows drawing together into a frown. 

 

"Grandfather Thrór, how lovely-" Thorin cried, fighting through the ladies who seemed to have frozen in awe at the sight of the man. 

 

"Shut up!" His grandfather interrupted, throwing Thorin off-kilter.

 

"Where's the woman Thorin?" He repeated.

 

"Grandfather Thrór, may I present Mrs Lobella Sackville-Baggins my-my finance." Thorin stuttered out. 

 

Thrór stepped into the house to peer at the woman more closely, Lobella, on the other hand, took a great breath and dropped to the floor in a deep curtsey. 

 

"Your lordliness." She cried breathlessly as Thrór retrieved his spectacles. "Welcome!" She cried, dipping her head low in deference.

 

Thorin felt molten shame drip into his stomach at the display. Bilbo would have never humbled himself so brazenly, not even to those whom he did respect. 

 

"May I be so bold, to our humble-nay lowly festivities, you shower glory upon us from above-" Thorin cast his eyes to the heavens, praying for it to end. Thrór, on the other hand, was lapping up the praise, his mouth twisted into a smile as he looked above him smirking. "-the very air above you shines with... With..." Thorin started to pray that he would simply be struck down by lighting instead. "Aboveness." Lobella finished thankfully. 

 

"A gracious welcome I must say." Thrór declared, smirking widely and near preening at the compliments. "Rise my dear."

  
  
Lobella suddenly found that she had been incapacitated by her skirts, leaving her swimming in the fabric as Mrs Carter and Thorin were both forced to help her up. 

 

"And the children are through here dressed in their shepherd outfits. Not Tauriel though, she's a sort of shepherdess... Well, you'll see." Thorin finished, leading the adults through to the hallway. 

 

Thrór raised his spectacles at the sight of the children but merely glanced over their outfits, searching for something behind the party. 

  
  
"Oh keep up will you!" He barked at the hallway and from outside, there came a second crunch of gravel. 

 

Beyond the front door, out in the sunlight, a figure began to climb the stairs. The bright summer sun casting the figure in light, leaving only the impression of a short figure climbing into the house. Their outfit, in contrast to the granite of Thrór's, was a creamy off-white. All the party leaned forward at the footsteps, the children leaning right around the wall to gain a better look while Thorin tried valiantly to keep his heart in his chest. 

 

Slowly, each eye filled with wonder at the figure's approach. Their footfalls were soft on the carpet at they entered, the light banished to the outside leaving their features clear to see once more. Instead, the creamy satin and snowy white shirt with a tiny lacy handkerchief added a flash of brilliance to the darkroom. Thorin thought it complimented him wonderfully. 

 

"Who's that?" Gimli whispered. 

  
  
"It's a prince." Legolas breathed back.

  
  
"A fairy prince." Kili replied in awe. 

  
  
"It's Bilbo." Thorin said, softy. A real smile, the first in days, pulled his mouth wide. 

 

Bilbo's features were clean and his hair looked like spun gold, rich and curling round h He almost looked like a fairy tale, he walked with grace and a pose that Thorin had never seen him with. It drew the eye to him, giving him a presence in the room. Thorin never knew he could have looked so handsome, it made his heart flip and pooled heat in his lower gut. 

 

"Straight back, remember your vowels," Thrór commanded as Bilbo came to stand by his side. "May I present, my adopted son, Mr Bilbo Durin." He said, with a hint of pride threading through his voice. 

 

Thorin snorted softly as Bilbo's eyes turned upon his. They captured him, fulling him with warmth. He couldn't help the fond smile that flashed across his mouth and Bilbo's mouth seemed to twitch in return, even as he tried to hide it. For a few seconds, they simply stared at each other. Too much to say, not enough words to express them.

 

"What are we doing milling about in this corridor. Sherry this instance!" His grandfather commanded, breaking the spell and pulling Lobella was her spell. 

 

"Might I beg the honour of pouring the privileged glasses myself?" She offered simperingly, leading Thrór away by the arm and taking Mrs Carter with her.

 

Bombur, still in what appeared to be shock at Bilbo's transformation stepped forward for a closer look. 

 

"Wonderful, to see you again Sir." Bilbo commented, his voice so smooth with each word pronounced to the point where Thorin couldn't even distinguish Bilbo's voice amongst the words. 

 

"Blinkin' hell." Bombur replied in slight horror and wheeled away from this too-posh-to-be-Bilbo to stumble back to the kitchen. If Bilbo was hurt by this greeting, his face made no appearance of it. Instead, he cast his eye around the room for something polite to say.

 

"And how, nice to see the young people." He commented. 

 

Kili's mouth was still open, Gimli continued to rub his eyes encase he was dreaming and Fili could not stop staring. They all seemed almost shy of Bilbo, unsure of how they should behave around him. 

  
  
"Welcome back, Bilbo." Thorin replied, trying to make conversation. "You look well, are you well?" He wished he had more brainpower to apply to his sentences but most of it was still processing the sight of Bilbo's transformation.

 

"I am most content." Bilbo replied but it seemed too rehearsed for him, too contained. 

  
  
Thorin nodded, searching for words. Words that he could say rather than what his heart wanted to say.

   
  
 _I love you. Don't ever leave again. I love you. I've missed you more than breathing. I love you._

 

"You must be very happy, to be marrying." Bilbo commented, his gaze never leaving Thorin's even as reality came crashing back down upon him.

 

"Oh, oh yes, I'm... How did you put it? Most content." Thorin said dryly. 

 

_I want to marry you._

 

Bilbo's face fell a little, the facade dropping and his eyebrows drawing a tiny crease of a frown. Thorin gulped nervously, damn Bilbo had always been good at seeing right through him.

 

"Good grief." Thorin attempted, jokingly. It did not work. 

 

"I am so glad." Bilbo sounding slightly brittle.

 

"Bilbo!" Thrór bellowed from inside the house. 

  
  
"Pray excuse me." Bilbo intoned, his face clear and calm as a pond once more as he was summoned.

 

Thorin and the children all watched him go, gathering slightly to the cream tails disappear round the bend. 

  
  
"Are you sure it's Bilbo?" Gimli asked curiously. "It doesn't look anything like him."

 

"Nonsense, he's always looked like that." Thorin replied. 

 

The children all turned to look at him but Thorin was completely oblivious to their stares. 

 

{}

 

The chorus of violins echoed sweetly through the air, pulling the wedding march from their swings Lobella began to move up the aisle. To Thorin, it sounded more like a funeral match, he couldn't help but sneak glances at Bilbo throughout the seating and preparation. Ori had snatched him aside for an enthusiastic hug, followed by Bofur, Nori, Dori and most of the company. Even Dwalin hugged him, something that could have been considered a near miracle. 

 

He had also noticed Ori and Bilbo sharing what appeared to be a heated whispering match as Thrór's back was turned when he scolded a footman. In had ended with Bilbo shaking his head violently and Ori giving him a pitiful look to which Bilbo had shrugged. Then had then moved onto to trying to pull the creases out of Bilbo's suit after the assault of hugs. And now... Thorin cast his eyes over once more, Bilbo was seated next to Thrór as Lobella smirked with each step. 

 

Ori was staring off into the distance, gripping the stand for his book rather harder than necessary. Thorin started to feel truly sick, he was glad he hadn't been able to stomach breakfast that morning. It felt like his intestines were trying to swap places with his stomach. Breath, just breath. He shut his eyes, taking long breathes. The world had stopped spinning when he opened them. Dwalin raised an eyebrow at him but Thorin shook his head minutely. 

 

As Lobella reached halfway down the aisle, the guest's rouse. Balin and the company all exchanged worried looks behind Thorin's back whom when he cast his glance over at the little gathering, Nori simply gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up. It did little to calm his nerves, thus Thorin grimaced back in thanks and turned his head to focus on the distance. Nori exchanged a look with Bofur afterwards. Bombur added his unimpressed look to the company, folding his arms to hide his unease at the event.

 

Fili, on the other hand, was floundering silently in his seat, disgusted at the sight of that woman looking for searching for something to stop the wedding. He could see the way Thorin and Bilbo looked at each other and he would sooner run away to Thrór's mansion than have Lobella as his aunt. He turned his head to Gandalf, desperate now. 

 

"What do we do? We've got to help him, there has to be another way." He said in a panicky tone.

 

"Behave." Lobella whispered savagely, her keen ears picking up on his words as he passed by. 

 

"Beehive?" Kili whispered in confusion, having misheard. 

 

"You must do are your told." Gandalf replied innocently to a baffled Fili. 

 

"Behave." Lobella repeated sharper than before. 

  
  
"Beehive?" Tauriel asked having heard Kili.

 

Fili glanced shrewdly at Kili and Tauriel before Gandalf dragged his attention back to him. 

 

"Lesson number five Fili, you must do exactly as your told." He intoned as the music reached its crescendo. 

 

Thorin looked over at his grandfather, Thrór smiled widely at him and nodded his head. It was the proudest look Thrór had ever given him.

 

Lobella reached his side, smiling widely and bumping into his shoulder as the last note of the violin rang out.

 

{}

  
"Why are we all talking about beehives?" Gimli whispered to Kili who shrugged. 

  
  
Fili's mind began to move, an idea taking root as Ori called the gathering to sit. 

 

"There isn't a beehive, what do you mean?" Legolas asked from beside him.

 

 

Ori licked his finger and opened up the Bible, before beginning to speak. 

 

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..."

  
  
A tiny frown creased between Fili's brows, Dis had once remarked how similar it was to Thorin's.

 

"In the sight of God and the face of this congregation..."

 

Could they do that... No, that would be too complex. Maybe...

 

"To join together this man and this woman..." 

  
  
Thorin felt his stomach make another attempt to drop through his body. Lobella fluttered her eyelashes at him cheekily. 

 

"In holy matrimony..."

 

Gandalf, seeing the crease deepen gave Fili a small poke in the right direction and suddenly the idea became clear.

 

"...an honourable estate..." 

  
  
Fili whipped his head to look up at Gandalf, asking for assurance. Could they do it?

 

"...instituted by God..."

 

Gandalf winked at him. 

  
  
"...in the time of Man's innocence..." 

 

Yes, they could do it. Fili leaned across to Kili and began whispering frantically behind his hand. Kili grinned widely and leaned over to Gimli and began whispering the same words to him as well, Fili turned to Tauriel to fulfil the same action. Within seconds all the children were inducted into the plan, they were ready.

 

"...and commended by St Paul to be upon.."

 

 Fili was the first to start buzzing, switching and twirling in his seat. Legolas joined in enthusiastically alongside Kili who jumped from his chair to buzz as he jumped and flapped his arms. 

 

"...among all men..." 

 

At this point, the congregation's attention began to turn to the children who began to pantomime wavering at the 'bees'. Fili grabbed his song card and dusted down his chest, loudly telling the bees to "Get off!" while his friends buzzed around him. Thorin and Lobella's heads both turned while Bilbo and Thrór raised their spectacles primly in interest. 

 

"...therefore not..." Ori's voice had lost all it's earlier rhythm. 

 

The children had all climbed out of their seats now, swatting and fighting with the air around them in utter chaos. Tauriel joined Fili in voicing her displeasure at the bees while Legolas waved his long arms about him madly. 

 

"erm...by any man to be enterprised..." Ori's eyes were flickering with worry now, Dwalin had gone into an almost alerted state of being by Thorin's side. 

  
  
Was this some sort of disruption? Thorin pursed his lips, looking keenly for any bees, he even looked at Gandalf who refused to catch his eye and merely looked about him innocently as if he too were searching for the bees. Thorin looked again but still saw nothing, it must be some sort of prank them. Or it could be...

 

"...nor taken advisory or wantingly to..." Ori then twitched and ducked which set the rest of the gathering off. 

 

Bombur had begun to swat around the cakes, fearing for his sugary masterpieces. Dori and Nori got up together, thrashing about together. Balin simply sat still, uncaring for the madness around him while Bofur and Bifur huddled together and swatted occasionally. 

 

"...satisfy man's carnal lusts..." 

  
  
"It's the flowers! It's the flowers on her dress, there attracting them!" Fili accused, indicating with his card to Lobella who looked down at her dress in shock.

 

"I hate bees. I'm allergic." Ori confused to Lobella and Thorin, clutching at his stand while Dwalin edged round in some attempt to shield. 

 

"There aren't any bees you fool, get on with it." Lobella hissed back, Thorin was busy watching the children flap about. 

 

"No truly, I swell up!" Ori cried, ducking once more. 

  
  
"Don't worry laddie, I'll protect you." Dwalin, cracking his knuckle as if he was about to face down a bear rather than a bee. 

 

"Don't you see? They are trying to ruin my lovely wedding!" Lobella snapped at Thorin. "Nasty vicious creatures."

 

The madness had slowly begun to spread across the aisle, a few of the footman had begun to wave about them encase the bees should come near their patron.

 

"Do something!" Lobella snarled in his ear, but her voice was a mere buzz in Thorin's ear. 

 

Thorin caught Fili's eye and held it, asking him a silent question.

 

"Thorin, look at me. Do you see any bees? Do you?" 

  
  
For a long moment, they simply stared at each other. Then, they both started to grin. Thorin gave a tiny nod, feeling a great weight lift off his chest.

 

"I said look at me!" Lobella commanded. 

  
  
Thorin looked down at the flustered woman. 

  
  
"Do you see any bees? Do you?!" 

 

Thorin felt disgusted rise again. A truly unattractive woman, inside and out. 

  
"I do." He replied, and then slapped his hand across the top of Lobella's flowery pink hat. 

 

It may have been a little heavy-handed, for he knocked both the hat and Lobella to the ground in a wash of pink and white petticoats. The mouths of the guests dropped open at the sight of Lobella flailing about on the dirt, Thorin treasured the moment. 

 

"All right, got the little bugger." Thorin assured without a drop of concern upon his bride. 

 

Ori had finally gone into panic mode, fluttering and whipping his hands about he danced about madly. Dwalin followed him, waving his great arms about to protect his partner. It was not enough, convinced that a bee had landed on him Ori flapped hard, smashing his book into a tiered purple and rose cake. Cream, icing, decoration and tiny profiteroles across the gathering. Lobella stood at the wrong moment, receiving a face full of lilac cream and white frosting with a gasp of horror. 

 

"Good lord!" Ori cried, mortified with a smattering of lilac cream upon his face. 

  
  
Lobella was fuming, cream dripped off her face as she breathed heavily and moved to another cake stand. 

  
  
"I'm so dreadfully sorry!" Ori begged, but his pleas fell on deaf ears. 

 

Behind Lobella, Bofur and Nori were clutching each other with anticipation as Lobella picked up a creamy pastel green tart covered in delicate purple roses. Aiming, Ori begged her to stop but Lobella was beyond reason.

  
  
"No, no, no, no!" Ori cried and then threw himself to the floor to duck the tart. 

  
  
The creamy cake went sailing on past Ori and straight into ****Thrór's face with an audible splatter. Great gasps went up around her, Bofur and Nori lost it alongside with the children whom all began to giggle hard. Even Thorin had to cover his mouth, hiding a snort that fort to be free at the sight of the proud man blowing past green icy which soon fell off his face. Most of it. The lower half of his face and most of his beard was still covered.

  
  
Lobella gaped in horror and bowed, frozen almost. "Your ladyship. Your highness." She breathed, at a loss for words. 

 

Thrór gave a great huff of displeasure and rose imperiously, the act was less intimidating than expected. He waved with an arm, and behind him, a footman came, a strawberry and cream layer cake in hand that was thrown back at Lobella. Let no one ever say that Thrór During didn't give as good as he got. Unfortunately, the pastry failed to make it's intended target, Lobella ducked, laving the pastry to sail on and splatter in a pink and white mess over Dori's immaculate suit and braids. 

 

Nori next to him gasped at the shock and then promptly began to laugh himself near breathless. He was nearly bent double, his face red with hysterical laughter at the sight of his prim brother smothered in icing. 

  
  
It soon ended, Dori promptly turned and snatched a lavender and cream cake, covered in piped roses from the cakes and smashed it into Nori's face. He rubbed it into Nori's face to add to the drama, flicking his hand dramatically at the end to admire his handy work. The cake remained almost vertical on Nori's face. Beside them, the company gave a great 'ooooh' at Dori's blatant misbehave. 

 

Nori slowly reached up, Bilbo gasping with barely contained laughter in the background, taking hold of the cake and yanking it free. It left most of the cream on his face, leaving both the brothers looking ridiculous as each other. They stared at each other, not an ounce of emotion passing across their caked features. Then they burst into laughter, holding onto each other for support as they roared with glee. 

 

That was the point where it descended into madness. The children and the rest of the company dived for the cakes, pastries, buns and puddings. War broke out, treats of all manner were thrown around, across, splattered and planted upon the guests. The children aimed at the guests on the other side, the company and each other. Kili smacked Thrór's shoulder with a lemon tart while Bofur and Gloin threw cupcakes at Bifur. Ori, not being left out for anything, managed to cover Dwalin's front with a well-aimed chocolate mousse. In return, Dwalin caught him a headlock and rubbed a victoria sponge cake all over his hair as he squealed and struggled. 

 

Gandalf smirked from the sidelines, nibbling on a piece of shortbread as the battles raged on. Within moments, the whole wedding party were engaging in one colossal food fight. Thranduil destroyed two raspberry tarts by smashing them into Gloin's cheeks, alongside Balin hurling a chocolate layer back at his brother's back. And the children? Tauriel's hair had almost changed colour. more white than red anymore, Fili had every manner of cake back his front in some form while Gimli and Legolas scooped up handfuls of trifle to smear into each other's clothes. 

 

Bombur was the only one not having fun, he charged out into the fray and thrust his arms before his precious masterpiece. "Not the cake! Not the cake!" He shouted, even as Fili knocked Lobella's figure off with a well-timed jam-roll. 

 

Thorin sauntered through the madness and grabbed a violin, the musicians had long since joined the fray along with the footman. He felt as light as air, leaning it against his shoulder he smirked over at Fili.

  
  
"Fili, bowling practice?" He inquired, grinning back as Fili dashed to grab a rich chocolate cheesecake. 

 

Thorin took his stance, smiling as Fili took aim and threw. The dark creation smattered into pieces the moment Thorin's make-shift bat collided with it, some went to the floor but the majority sailed through the air and with a great slapping sound splattered its demise across Bilbo's front. Bilbo gave a great cry, for a second seemingly unable to process what had happened. There was chocolate dripping down his front, cream and raspberries dotting his face and hair. His fingered curled and flexed, breathing slowly he stood. 

 

Thorin gulped slightly, watching him stalk across to grab a dark purple vanilla custard cake from the pile. Behind them, Gandalf smirked to himself privately. Bilbo caught his gaze. Thorin threw all caution to the wind and raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to do it.  That was all it took, Bilbo aimed and threw. The cake flew through the air, slamming into Thorin's arm and rolling down in it a sticky trail of deep pink custard. Thorin looked at his sleeve consideringly, then looked at Bilbo.

 

His face was lit up like a fireworks display, Bilbo's smile was so wide it was nearly splitting his face. Thorin felt his heart tick up a nought and his breath caught as Bilbo began to giggle as well, turning into full galls as Thorin smiled back at him. He peeled some of the custard from his arm and threw it, to which Bilbo responded with a look of mock outrage. Thorin grabbed his beat, ready for another cake as his heart sunk in his chest. 

 

Bilbo felt as though he had pulled off a layer of skin, free to feel the world once more. He couldn't stop laughing and smiling, the sight of Thorin gazing at him so happy and teasing him was more than he could have wished for. He went for a tart next, it was obliterated under Thorin's swing. He went for a piece of cake next, simply pulling pieces of the tier off and throwing them. 

  
  
"Bilbo! Where are your manners?" Thrór exclaimed when he caught sight of his ward acting like a child. 

 

"Oh sod my manners you old trout!" Bilbo replied gaily. "This is the first fun I've had in weeks!"

 

Thorin barked a burst of laughter at that, annihilating another piece of cake. 

 

{}

 

Lobella and Mrs Carter had taken refugee on the ground, after all, they could not be seen engaging in such behaviour. They were mature women with a reputation, how could they afford such a stain? At present, Mrs Carter was attempting to dab some of the cream off with a handkerchief while Lobella considered her woes while tidying herself up.

 

"Betty?!" She suddenly squealed, her hand patting the back of her head. "My hair? Where is it?!"

  
  
Both ladies dropped to the floor, looking about them for the lost golden locks. They scrambled about, looking under chairs and even under each other's skirts before their attention was drawn by a sneering voice imitating Lobella's words. 

  
  
"Look at them, the little small things." Kili sang, dropping the lost curls over his head. Beside him, Fili did the same, adopting a surprisingly accurate impression of Lobella's pouting face.

 

Lobella, naturally, was furious. 

 

"That's it!" She roared, her voice so high and savage that the fighting ground to a halt. 

 

"You dreadful, awful-" She advanced on the brothers, Fili quickly shoved Kili behind his back at the sight of the fury approaching. "-evil little monsters!" She clawed hands ripped the hair from their grips and was about to deliver a slap when Thorin appeared out of nowhere and dragged the boys into his arms. 

  
  
"Take your hands off my children!" He snarled, fury twisting his face into something truly dangerous. 

  
  
He didn't know if he had true control, all he could see was red about him. Thorin tucked the boys behind him, glaring with white fury who looked on in terror. Here she couldn't win, but she would have the last word. 

  
  
"Thorin! It's over." She cried angrily. Finally, Thorin thought, looking on at her in pure disgust.

  
  
"I won't spend another minute with this ravel and I don't care how much the old bastard is giving you!" She declared primly, to the shock of Thrór who looked positively victimised. 

 

"Betty! The lambs!" Mrs Carter climbed free of the destruction and hurried over. 

 

Thorin turned his back, glad to be free of such a creature and guided his nephews over to the cluster of their friends and the company. To his delight, Bilbo had joined them and took to checking over Fili and Kili before hugging them both tightly. He fit so naturally, filling a space that was always meant for him. 

 

In the distance, Lobella took one of the lambs and began to wail about her injustices. "Weddings ruined. I won't have another one, absolutely carnage..."

 

{}

 

"A nice choice for a wife I must say Thorin." Thrór declared, regaining his confidence as Thorin groaned mentally. 

 

"I'm very sorry Grandfather Thrór, you gave me no time to find anyone else." Thorin wrapped his arms around his nephews, every moment with them was now precious. 

 

"As for your nephews, a lengthy spell in a correctional institution is sorely needed." Thrór added.

 

Thorin scowled and squeezed his nephews closer. They didn't need anything of the sort, they were perfect just the way they were and he would sooner have cut off his limbs than see them sent to such a place. 

 

"And you Bilbo!" Thrór drew a great breath, seeming to reach the crescendo of his lecture. "I can see you are as wild as the rest of them." 

 

Bilbo jumped to his feet, his voice ringing out across the gathering. "And proud to be." He spat back. "I love them Lord Durin, which is certainly more than you do." 

  
  
"Insolence! I'd leave you here to rot but I gave my word to raise you as my own and I never break my word." Thrór bellowed back, twitching violently with each rise of his temper. Bilbo's eyes moved to Thorin's, both sharing a sort of desperate look. Thorin felt like he was drowning, what could he do?

 

"Come away now!" Thrór commanded impatiently and strode off. 

  
  
Bilbo looked to Thorin who opened his mouth but no sound came out. The company tried to hold onto him but he just smiled sadly and slipped through their grasp. Ori gave a small sob at watching his friend leave once more and Dwalin wrapped his arms around him. To the children, Bilbo catch all of their hands, lingering the longest on Fili and Kili. He didn't look at Thorin again, merely kept his head down and hurried after Thrór's cake covered back. 

 

Kili buried his head into Thorin's side, tears glimmering in his eyes. Thorin too seemed to be barely holding it together, eyes low and mouth pulled even lower. Fili flicked his head about, searching for some reason. Bilbo couldn't go! He couldn't!

 

Abruptly, his gaze settled on the lone figure atop the cake. There was only one now, a lone groom atop his cake. Fili stared and stared until Gandalf smiled to himself and gave Fili another nudge in the right direction. It was only a small nudge, nothing that would cause too much trouble. The idea bloomed into place in Fili's mind, he worked his way free of Thorin's grasp and dashed out into the lane. Behind him, Gandalf smiled widely as all the pieces slowly came together.

 

"Wait! Grandfather wait!" He cried, stopping as His grandfather turned back to look at him. 

  
  
"You agreed, you gave your word to our father, that if he remarried before the end of the month you will continue to support us?" He asked breathlessly. 

 

"I did." Thrór agreed. 

 

"So if he marries today you'll have to keep your word?"

  
  
"Oh, you're wasting my time!" Thrór declared and made to move once more. 

 

"No. No." Thrór paused. "No, I'm not." Fili felt a grin pull at his mouth. "He will marry today." 

 

"What?" Thorin asked in confusion.

 

"What?" said Thrór. 

 

"What?" Nori, Dori and Ori said together. 

 

"What?" Kili added. 

 

"Who?" Thranduil cried from the back. 

 

Thankfully, the children had caught on faster than the adults.

 

"He'll marry Bilbo!" Tauriel cried, rushing forward.

 

Thrór looked round in confusion, all eyes turned as Bilbo peeked out from behind the corner. His face was a touch baffled but it was full of light hope as if he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. Thorin felt his mouth fall open, how simple it was. 

 

"Incest?!" Thrór drew out slowly in horror.

 

"No! No Grandfather Thrór, Bilbo isn't our brother!" Kili called out, also coming forward. 

 

Bilbo had begun to walk closer, almost in a sort of daze till he stood halfway between the two parties. 

 

"Not your brother?!' Thrór cried out

 

"Of course he's not our brother." Kili replied, nearly giggling at the idea. 

  
  
Thrór looked gobsmacked, then he narrowed his eyes. "Well then, who is he then?" 

  
  
Thorin couldn't take his eyes off Bilbo, could it be so simple? Marry Bilbo? Bilbo's face seemed to reflect the same question, it spun round and round Thorin's head as the truth came out. 

 

Bilbo licked his lips and then admitted the truth. "I was Thorin's servant." 

 

" _What?_ " Thrór exclaimed but was ignored. 

 

"Bilbo, do you love Thorin?" Legolas called. 

 

Bilbo flickered his gaze to the boy and back to Thorin. For a moment he looked like he might start to faint, his mouth worked open and shut but there was no sound. Thorin felt his body tense, preparing for the worst. Perhaps he had read Bilbo wrong all this time. Maybe it was just friendship. He had desired it so deeply that he had imagined that Bilbo could love him. 

 

"No. Of course not." Thorin felt his heart sink, he ducked his head, unable to meet Bilbo's gaze. "I know my place, it wouldn't be respectable... I mean..."

 

It was the hesitation that made Thorin look up, the flicker of doubt that brought his soul back into his body. 

 

"Yes." Bilbo finally confessed with conviction.

  
  
When Thorin meet his gaze again, there could be no doubt of it. All the love in Bilbo's heart, it was shown in his eyes, a very window to his soul.

 

"Thorin, do you love Bilbo?" Tauriel asked, running to be back before him. 

 

"What are you saying? That would be improper-" Bilbo's looked crushed, utterly crushed. What was he doing?! "-a thing like that could never happen... Obviously..." Bilbo's looked at him, stared right into him and finally, he could speak the truth. "Yes." 

 

Bilbo's face lit up once more and Thorin promised that Bilbo would smile that like till the end of his days. 

 

"He's marrying the servant?! Ahhhhhh-" Thrór gave a great huff and dropped down in a dead faint. 

 

The happy couple were oblivious, they couldn't stop beaming at each other. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I say how much I enjoyed writing that cake fight? AbSoLuTeLy WoNdErFuL!


	13. The End Of Our Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Th End. The I do. It's Finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry. I have no words, please enjoy the end and the sappy pair. Let it be over. XD 
> 
> Thank you so much for anyone who read and enjoyed this! <3 Kudos and comments are the things that sustain my life force when writing. :)

At the sound of the great man's body thumping into the ground, and there was a creak and a crack behind the awed guests 

  
Kili and Fili turned their eyes to the sky as dark, and iridescent clouds scurried across the previously blue sky. The whole day darkened as the light faded to a soft glow and a single white snowflake swirled lazy down from the sky. It was not alone, soon the air was full of tiny white lace, scattering through the grounds and cleaning away the unnatural colours, leaving everything pristine. 

  
The guests looked about in wonder at their clean clothes, and a few changes had been made with soft blues and whites leaving everyone beaming as the last traces of Mrs Sackville were buried beneath the snow. Bombur chuckled mightly at the sight as his great beard become dusted with white.

  
"Well I never, snow. Snow in August." His great face was light up with a smile, ruddy against the brilliant landscape. 

  
Fili swept his eyes down his clothes, no longer splattered with cake and then caught Gandalf's eye. Gone was the ugliness that had warped his features, now his face creased with age and his eyes sparkled beyond in pleasure. He sent Fili a wink and then strode towards Bilbo, taking his hand to rest upon his and leading him away for a moment. Bilbo could hardly stop from beaming. 

  
{}

 

Thorin was similarly swept up, Ori catching his arm and leading him back to the altar. 

 

"So, I take it that you and Bilbo are not related?" Thorin chuckled and shook his head. 

 

"No, thankfully not. It was merely the work of my very, very clever nephews and their friends." He smiled widely at Fili as he said, catching the blush that rose of his cheeks and Kili's smile became so bright it could have outshone starlight. 

 

"I would say the church would take a rather dim view if he were." Thorin and his friend's laughter echoed around the gathering. 

 

{}

 

"Bilbo!" Gandalf and Bilbo paused as the small figure of Gimli charged towards them in a flurry of white cotton and snowflakes. 

 

"For the record whatever I may have said about stepmothers-" Gimli puffed out. "-that whole 'evil breed' moment most certainly doesn't apply to you." The whole boy said in a rush, his face hopeful as he looked up at them.

 

 Then he stuck out his hand. 

 

Bilbo smirked and took the small fingers, a smile stretching across his face. Goodness, they grow up so fast. Gimli beamed and charged back to the others, leaving Gandalf and Bilbo to their walk. 

 

{} 

 

"So, may I invite you, would you just... May I invite you to be seated again?" Ori's voice called over the hustle of the crowd, shuffling and herding the gathering to be seated once more. 

 

"Thank God." He whispered, re-opening his book and taking his place. It looked like things might just work out after all. 

 

{}

 

 Amongst the dusted rose bushes, Bilbo swallowed suddenly nervous. "Oh, Gandalf. I'm so nervous." He brushed down his clothes and fumbled in his pockets before letting out a huff of frustration. 

 

"I don't even have a handkerchief!" He cried in a slightly shrill manner. 

 

Beside him, Gandalf patted his arm and smirked. 

 

"You won't be needing a handkerchief for his my dear Bilbo, now deep breaths." Bilbo smoothed down his clothes again and gave a sad sigh. 

 

"I don't even look like a groom." 

 

"You will," Gandalf replied mysteriously, causing Bilbo to frown at him. 

 

What was that wiz-professor up to now? 

 

{} 

 

As they walked, the flakes began to swirl in a great mist of white—the tiny ice crystals clinking against one another in a flurry of the moment above the walking pair. As Gandalf began to lead Bilbo up the aisle, the small flakes began to swirl around them. 

 

The movement caught the attention of the party. Up ahead, Bilbo smiled at the sight of Thorin, hair flowing around his shoulders only in a white shirt and dark blue trousers and waistcoat. Had he ever looked so handsome? 

 

Meanwhile, the flakes began to stick to Bilbo, but they didn't feel cold. Bilbo watched in awe as they built and built, leaving him all in white. A lovely pair of trousers, soft as satin and a waistcoat covered with shifting sliver that glimmered under the wintery light. In the pocket, there even a little white handkerchief, lace as delicate as a snowflake poking out as they walked. Thorin's smile grew at the sight of them, and Bilbo smirked back. 

 

{} 

 

"Better?" Bilbo shook his head and patted Gandalf's arm good-naturedly. 

 

"It's perfect, do I look like something out of a story?" Bilbo joked. Gandalf hummed and smiled down at him. 

 

"You are the end of the story. You're mother and father would have been so proud of you." Bilbo gave a small sniff, while Gandalf passed left his side. Bilbo made the last few steps alone but free, Thorin's fingers were warm and gentle as they took his. 

 

The pair looked at each other, smiles lighting up their faces. 

 

{}

 

 Bombur gave a great sniff and blew his nose loudly, Dori patted him and handed him a tissue as his eyes began to water. He would later say it was the donkey, though Tauriel could have sworn she saw the creature smiling. 

 

{}

 

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..." The children looked on, their faces aching with smiles as Gandalf moved away. His work was done here, now where... Ah, there it was. He rescued his hat, then paused for a moment to twitch his nose. Something small and light suddenly fell in Kili's pocket, and delicate.

 

{}

 

In Thorin's study, Gandalf gave the chair a short bow. He knew all would be well now. There would be trials ahead by everyone was right where they needed to be to weather them. She wouldn't need to worry about them anymore. 

 

{}

 

_There is something you have to understand about the way I work..._

 

Ori was loudly reading, almost skipping along with the words as Bilbo's fingers lightly squeezed Thorin's.

 

_When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay but when you want me, but no longer need me…_

 

The metal was cool against their fingers, kissing the skin gently. Of course, both rings fit the pair perfectly. 

 

_Then I have to go._

  
{}

 

Across the snowy hills, a lone figure all dressed in grey with a staff in hand and a strange hat walked. Though he was alone, the figure was smiling beneath his bushy eyebrows. 


End file.
